The Trials of Love
by iheartSVUbabe
Summary: What's it going to take to get Olivia & Alex together? Alex's POV. Rating for language and later chapters...
1. Bottle Blonde Barbie

Disclaimer: SVU and its characters are not mine… but these pop tarts are. Anybody want some?

A/N1: The hot blonde on Olivia's arm that makes Alex jealous? Yeah, she's mine. I made her up. I took the names of two of my friends and combined them- as a tribute of sorts… Alex's colleague? He's mine too. This is Alex's POV, _thoughts_; I might get around to using some lyrics in this thing- if I do, artist/song title info will be in my A/N for you guys…

A/N2: This one starts out with a little angst. Also, there's going to be some humor to this one, because, as we all know- _Alexandra Cabot is a bit of a smartass_… It's one of the things I love about her most…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

I'm about to take a bite of my turkey and provolone wheat wrap when a familiar sound causes my interest in food to wane significantly. Suddenly, the fact that my stomach growled every five minutes in court this morning is no longer important, and the fact that I stood in line for twenty minutes waiting for nourishment does not matter.

It's not a sound I hear often, but I would know it from anywhere…

My eyes scan the crowd, then fall on you. Standing in line, oblivious to the world around you, you are laughing at something the woman with you must have said, your smile genuine, your features warm and worry-free.

A pang of jealousy shoots through me as I watch her reach out and fix the collar of your leather jacket, her fingers lingering a little too long for this to be interpreted as a friendly gesture.

I had heard that you were seeing someone. A colleague of mine who is as addicted to gossip as I am to caffeine couldn't resist stopping by my office a few days ago to ask whether or not it was true that my SVU detective was prancing around all over Manhattan with a leggy, busty blonde. I was surprised to find out that you were dating, but finding out that you were dating a woman shocked the hell out of me. I shrugged it off, ever the professional, and told Gregory Klein I hadn't heard a thing.

It's one thing to _hear_ about you being with her… it's something completely different to _see_ you with her…

Having lost my appetite, I put my wrap down, rolling it back up in its foil wrapper, convincing myself that I will save it for later; at some point today, I will have to eat. I take a long cool sip of my strawberry banana smoothie, watching the way she leans in close to you, no doubt as eager to hear what you have to say as she is to get you in bed.

Of course, there's always a possibility that you are not interested in her, that this is just a friend of yours that you are having lunch with. You could be friends, and nothing more. I could have absolutely nothing to worry about…

And there it is again, for the second time in less than three minutes. You are laughing, and this time, you reach out and rest your hand on her shoulder for a few seconds. I cannot help it. I cringe…

Maybe she's telling you about her husband's inability to pick up his dirty socks, or her little boy's recently acquired affinity for a four letter word that starts with an S and ends with a hit…

Or maybe she's telling you all the things she wants to do to you tonight, once you and her are in the privacy of her apartment… Maybe she's telling you how she wants to kiss you until you're gasping for air, how she wants to run her fingers through your cropped brown hair, explore every inch of your tone, beautiful body…

I watch as you continue to laugh and enjoy the blonde's company. Both of you scan the menu and place your orders. I don't have to hear you place your order to know that you will be sinking your teethe into a chicken, bacon, and ranch wrap and taking long, brain freezing sips of a strawberry kiwi coconut smoothie.

_Wonder if Ms. Bottle Blonde Barbie knows you well enough to know that about you… And how old is she… like… 12?!_

You must feel my gaze, because just when I have decided to look away, decided that I cannot continue abusing myself, our eyes lock, and it feels almost as good as it does bad.

I watch as you hold up your hand, silencing whatever she was saying, and motion for her to follow you over to my table.

_That's the thing about irony... It fucks you every time._

How ironic, choosing to walk twelve blocks in these heels for an amazing wrap I probably won't even eat because I just saw the woman I have had a crush on for the past however long all over someone else…

Okay, so you were not _all_ over her… but you're here with _her_… when you had an invitation to join _me_ for lunch.

My gut is doing amazing things right now, things that would, without a doubt, put the world's best high flying trapeze artist to shame.

"Hey, Alex… Maddox, this is Alex Cabot, my ADA… Alex, this is Samantha Maddox, Civil Actions ADA." You make the introduction, and I politely shake hands with her.

I can't help but want to squeeze a little tighter. I don't do it, but for a millisecond, it does cross my mind.

"Nice to finally meet you. Liv talks about you all the time." Your companion, Maddox, says, smiling at me.

Her voice grates on my nerves. I know nothing about this woman, and yet, I already hate everything about her. Her blonde hair is just a little too… blonde. Her smile is too… toothy. Her suit is cheap, and her shoes… well, okay, I like her shoes. I think I might actually have them in blue… But everything else? I abhor.

"Mind if we join you? We've placed our orders, just waiting for our wraps and smoothies…" You say, pulling out a chair for little Ms. Samantha 'Civil Actions ADA' Maddox to sit in.

I nod and motion for you to take a seat next to me, going so far as to reach out to slide the seat out for you. You sit down next to me, and it's all I can do not to reach out and pull your chair as close to mine as possible, my need to stake my claim on you growing as I notice her noticing you. I suppose that, if I had a dick, now is when I would pull it out and piss a circle around you.

I know that look, the one that's in her eyes right now, as she looks you over. She is attracted to you, and I can tell that she is more than willing to let you know. Lusty and full of longing, her glances in your direction make me uncomfortable.

I have kept my preferences hidden, chosen to be discreet, and when called for, I have even hung an attractive, successful man on my arm; men have political and social purposes, after all… The passionate ADA on your arm, however, has had no problem letting everyone know that she prefers to spend time with women, as evidenced by the alleged trail of them that she has left strung all over Manhattan.

"Turkey and provolone?" You ask, pointing at the untouched wrap in front of me.

I nod.

"My usual… right down to the strawberry banana twist smoothie."

In a moment of pure genius, I pick up my smoothie and offer you a sip. You smile, leaning in closer to me. Your hand covers mine, holding onto the smoothie, and your lips wrap around my straw as you take a long sip.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Maddox's eyebrow hits her hairline. She clears her throat, but if you notice, you're ignoring it. You take another long sip before letting go, your fingers slowly sliding off of mine.

"Mmm… Remind me to get one of those next time we're here, Alex." You say, offering me a beautiful smile.

The annoyed look on Maddox's face doesn't go unnoticed by me, and I can't help but smile, wondering if she's as jealous of me right now as I am of her.

I wrap my lips where yours have been and take a long sip.

"I'll go check on our food… be right back, Olivia." Maddox stands and walks towards the counter, and finally, I have you all to myself.

A few seconds of awkward silence later, you reach over and take my smoothie from me, helping yourself as usual.

"She's… _interesting_."

Hopefully, you don't pick up on my jealousy or disdain. I want to ask if you're seeing her, if you're here on a date… if she's the reason you've been turning down all of my lunch and dinner invitations…

"Yeah. Sam's… a little… _aggressive_… But I like 'em rough." You say, sliding my smoothie back over to me with a smile. "I wouldn't give her my number, so she stopped by the precinct and asked Elliot about me. After talking to her a little while, he took her number and gave it to me, told me to give the hot blonde with the hots for me a call…" She adds, almost as if she knows about the questions I have but are too afraid to ask.

All I can do is hope that how I feel is not written all over my face.

"First date?"

You shake your head, and suddenly, it hits me: I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm sitting here, asking you about how things are going between you and the woman you're with, all the while wanting it to be me you're with… wanting it to be me…

"Third. Our first date was Chinese food in her office. She was working late, I suggested that we order take-out. She took me up on it… Second date was at Fitzgerald's, that small pizza place about three blocks from the precinct… Today, we decided to meet for a quick lunch. I suggested this place after finding out that she's into the same health food crap you eat." You say, pointing at my wrap once more and turning up your nose.

I would kick you, but here comes Ms. Perfect Timing, carrying food and two smoothies. You notice her struggling and, being your noble, chivalrous self, you stand to help her.

I should be stronger than this, but I am not, and so I slip my wrap and bag of Sun Chips into my briefcase, then sling it over my shoulder. I grab my smoothie, and before you and her are even seated, I am on my feet, preparing to make a rather rapid departure.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to stay, I'm sorry. I have court in the morning, and I still have a few testimonies to go over… It was nice to meet you, Ms. Maddox. I'll see you around, Olivia…"

Your _date_ nods.

"It was nice to meet you too." She says, a small smile playing across her lips.

I don't know her, but I know that smile. It's the _I win, you lose_ smile. Her up-turned lips seem to whisper, _I've got her, and you've got lunch to go_…

"See you later, Cabot." You say, sounding almost disappointed.

Before I'm even out of the small café, I can feel the tears stinging my eyes.

I wish I could shake what I'm feeling, wish I could stop the jealousy and pain from swirling around in the pit of my gut. I wipe the tears away as they fall, picking up my pace, wanting to put as much space between me, my detective, and her date as possible.

Once I am in the safety of my office, the blinds closed and the door locked, I allow tears to silently stain my face.


	2. Too Forward

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never have been, and sadly… never will be.

A/N: I'm pretty sure that this chapter was supposed to be a lot less funny and a little more serious, but for some reason, I have a tendency to go for comedy over drama… Even though **someone** _cough- VeraBell- cough _said my ending to chapter one was a little bit too dramatic. I laughed when I read that. It's ironic- I hardly ever do drama, and yet something I wrote got called dramatic?! LOL… Fucking hilarious… Wish I could share that review with a certain professor of mine who believes I lack the ability to write anything even close to being considered drama… Anyway, okay, so don't get me wrong- there is depth to this chapter… but I can't help but think that you guys are going to laugh more than you're going to go "Aww…" So yeah, let me know what you think, ok?

A/N2: I wrote this instead of doing what I was supposed to do at work this morning. I should feel bad, but I've searched the depths of my soul and the only thing I feel is myself looking forward to reviews...

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Three hours of going over the testimony of an eye witness and the testimony of a child psychologist, and I'm confident that I can chew holes in the defense's case. I slide photos of the victim and the results of the rape kit back into the folder. Despite the graphic and horrific material inside the folder in my hand, I can't help but smile as my eyes fall on the familiar, slanted scrawl in the margins of the report.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes and letting out a sigh. My shoulders ache, my eyes are burning, and I have a headache that was conceived in the pit of hell.

_Probably from not eating, you moron…_

I rest my head in my hands, and when I hear a knock at my door, I don't even bother to look up. I don't care who is at my door. It could be the President, and I would tell him, politely, of course, to go make love to himself…

"Hey…" Your voice floats into my office, and I can't stop myself from looking up.

I somehow manage to muster a small smile.

_So much for not caring who's at my door…_

"Come in."

I motion for you to let yourself in, and when you do, you head straight for my couch, flopping down loudly and letting out a long sigh.

"If anyone calls and asks for me, I'm not here, okay?" You say, stretching out and trying to make yourself comfortable.

You seem restless, agitated even.

"I just saw you three hours ago… what could have possibly happened since then?"

I know I sound amused… because I am. Your occasional flare for the dramatic never ceases to amaze and amuse me.

"I'm pretty sure Sam tried to get me to break a few laws, that's all." You say, rolling from your side onto your back.

For some reason, I cannot stop staring at you. My posh upbringing and the rules of propriety that were drilled into me as a child have alarm bells going off in my head, telling me that my eyes are drinking you in, and that my sips are just a little too long…

_To hell with propriety…_

Maybe it's what you're wearing. Your jeans seem to be hugging your hips a little tighter than usual, and your black button up shirt is clinging to impossibly amazing breasts… which just so happen to _almost_ be on display, the top three buttons of your shirt unbuttoned… and please, God… don't get me started on that jacket…

"I was under the impression that ADA's are sworn to _uphold_ the law."

You sit up and let out another sigh. My smile widens as I watch you slouch deep into my couch, and I can't help but wonder what my mother would say about your posture. I find you to be completely charming. My mother on the other hand? She would interpret your casual, laidback style as uncivilized and inappropriate.

_Sit up straight, Alexandra, and force the world to take notice of your importance…_

"I think our third date was our last date… She's a little too… I don't want to say that she's…" You are rambling, and it's adorable, and all I can do is sit behind my desk and wonder what the hell you are trying to say.

"Aggressive?"

I can't help but bring up your adjective from our earlier conversation. The look on your face tells me that that's not quite the word you were looking for.

"She's a bit too… forward." You say, and suddenly, your brown eyes are downcast, studying your boots.

_Too forward? What the hell is __**that **__supposed to mean?_

"She seemed friendly enough."

For the life of me, I have no idea what I'm supposed to say. I feel like jumping up and down for joy. I feel like a giddy teenager who has just been handed tickets to some sold out boy band concert, only I could give two shits about the boy part of all of that.

If whatever was starting between you and her is already over, then there's a good chance…

"She was all over me… _in public_… She shoved her tongue down my throat and her hand down my shirt outside of the precinct! Elliot and Fin almost got a free show… I backed away, then told her to lose my number…" You say, making eye contact with me for only a second before you glance back down to your boots.

The fact that my blood pressure just shot up does absolutely _nothing_ to encourage my headache to go back to the seventh circle of hell. I close my eyes and once again, my head is in my hands. All I can think about right now is choking the living shit out of that blonde headed, no good, slut who has probably seen more ass than a public bathroom…

"What a whore."

My little slip causes you to laugh. Apparently, you agree with my assessment.

"It's not that I'm not affectionate… it's just… well, I've learned my lesson. I want a relationship, something that's going to last. I have a strong desire, a need… to settle down." Your confession is strong, and I can tell that there's truth to it, can hear the conviction in your voice.

I sit up straight in my chair, allowing myself to study you closely as you sit across from me, looking more than a little dejected.

"You deserve to be with someone who knows that, who feels the same way. Don't settle for less than you deserve, Liv…"

I want to tell you how I feel about you, how I have felt for so long… I want to tell you that I've fallen in love with you, that I want to be the one who gives you what you need, what you want… what you deserve…

"I'm just not sure I have what it takes to make it last, to be in a real relationship, to love and allow myself to be loved. It's not something I've ever been able to do, and I'm not sure if I even know how to love. Sucks, huh?" Your words cut me to the bone, leave me feeling as if I have nothing to offer you.

I can't believe you're opening up to me like this. I can't believe that I don't have what it takes to just come right out and say what needs to be said, what you need to hear… I can't believe that I'm just sitting here, listening… instead of telling you…

_I'm so in love with you…_

"All you need is for someone to come along, someone who will love you the way you need to be loved, the way you deserve to be loved… Love isn't a skill easily mastered, but with the right one, with the one who is willing to love you with all their heart, mind, body, and soul… It's possible to learn how to love."

_And I wish I could be the one to teach you…_

A lack of hope in your eyes, you toss a lopsided grin my way, and once again, I am reminded that you truly are the strongest person I know.

"You almost make it sound believable." You say, and all over your face, despite the smile, is written the sad story of a woman who has been pushed around and broken down too many times to still believe that she is worthy of being loved.

Everyone who has ever left a scar on you, everyone who has ever hurt you, made you feel unlovable… they are officially at the top of my shit list.

"Do you have plans for tonight?"

The question has slipped out before I even have time to think about whether or not I should even attempt to go down this road with you. We have established a friendship, and I'm not sure if I should risk losing what we have worked so hard to slowly build.

You shrug.

"I've already called it a day, told Cragen I needed some time. I was planning to order from Lido's once I got home, lasagna and breadsticks.. If you're interested, I could make it dinner for two. I even have a bottle of wine…" You offer, the look on your face telling me that you don't really expect me to take you up on it.

I'm about to tell you that I would love to join you when my stomach growls, causing you to smile, and me to blush a little.

"Guess that's a yes, huh?" You ask, laughing.

I nod, sliding a few files into my briefcase, then I sling it over my shoulder. I stand, heading over to the visitor's chair across from my desk, and grab my jacket.

"I say we get out of here. Sound like a plan to you?"

You stand up, flashing me a beautiful smile, and my heart starts to race as you reach out and take my jacket from me, offering to help me slip it on.

"Why, Cabot, are you telling me that all it takes to get you to neglect your commitment to justice is amazing Italian food and a bottle of great wine?" You ask, and I slip into my jacket with a smile.

_Like I would say no to spending time with you… I've only been trying to spend time with you every day for the past three or four months… All the invitations to join me for lunch… all the times I've asked if you wanted to go get a drink, or grab a bite to eat for dinner…_

"Add good company to that list, and yes… I'm inclined to allow the world to save itself from itself for awhile."

I turn off my lamp, and once we are outside of my office, I make sure my door is locked before we are on our way to your apartment.


	3. Awkward

Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine in this chapter either.

A/N: I have no life right now. There's work, there's school, and there's fan fic… oh, and there's food and the necessary stretch breaks… and precious little sleep…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Once we are outside, you hail a cab, and when one pulls up to the curb, you open the door for me, allowing me to slide in first. As you rattle off your address to the driver, I mumble an explicative that, hopefully, goes unnoticed by you. My skirt refuses to allow me to slide into the backseat without riding up. I tug at it, my thoughts more colorful than a Gay Pride parade…

_Goddamn it… Stupid ass fucking piece of shit…_

Glad you are not a mind reader, I am finally situated, and you slide in next to me with ease, offering me a small, sympathetic smile.

During our cab ride to your apartment, all I can think about is the flat-of-her-back-in-no-time-flat bitch who had her tongue in your mouth and her hand down your shirt. I don't know what bothers me more… the fact that she did it… or the fact that she did it _first_…

Okay, so no. I am not known for pouncing on women. I do not kiss and tell, and I do not put out on the first date, not that there have been a lot of those lately. I have been too busy with work to notice anyone but you… not that I would even be interested in someone else…

The thought of someone else touching you… the thought of her lips pressed against yours…

A pang of jealousy mixed with envy swirls around deep inside my gut, and if I was honest with myself… honest with you… I would have to confess that the thought of anyone being close enough to you to touch you, to kiss you… it almost makes me sick to my stomach.

I decided a long time ago that you were mine. I just haven't gotten around to turning my decision into reality just yet…

I steal a glance in your direction only to find that you have your head down and are playing with your hair. You run your fingers through it, testing its length, and not for the first time this month, I notice that your brown locks have gotten longer than usual.

"Letting it grow out?"

It's an attempt to kill the silence that is hanging between us. I am rewarded with one of your trademark lopsided grins.

"Seems that way, huh? Haven't noticed 'til now just how long it's getting. Maybe it's time for a different look." You say, shrugging your shoulders in nonchalance.

I can't help but smile, wondering what you're going to look like the first morning we wake up next to each other, after a long night of…

"… today." Your voice pulls me away from my thoughts.

_Shit!_

I have completely missed what you were saying, and, hoping that you were not asking me a question, I just nod as you continue.

"Yeah, I know, I was surprised too. Munch was telling me about it. Apparently, kids wanna be cops… Some kind of study that was done in elementary schools all over the nation revealed that, along with wanting to be doctors, firefighters, and teachers, kids are deciding that they wanna be cops…" You say, and the proud look on your face causes a smile to form on my lips.

I can't help but imagine what you looked like as a little girl, can't help but wonder how long it took for you to decide that you wanted to spend the rest of your life serving and protecting others.

"Let me guess… ADA didn't make the list."

Your frown tells me that it didn't, not that I'm surprised.

"Afraid not." You say sympathetically, playing with a strand of hair that is longer than most of the others. "But the work you do is important, Alex… It's just that, well… they're kids. They're thinking about guns, car chases, and taking down the bad guys. They think that a shield and a sidearm is exciting. They just know that cops put bad guys away… they have no idea how much help we have, how much work it takes on your part to make sure that the asswipes get put away."

_Hi, my name is Alexandra Cabot, and I put asswipes away…_

I smile at your incessant rambling, listen as you try your best to tell me that you think what I do is important. I can't help but feel a certain amount of pride rise up within me as you continue to go on about just how much the NYPD relies on the DA's office to make sure justice is served. If I didn't know you, I would think that you were trying to get me in the sack. No one but you compliments me on a job well done without having ulterior motives.

A sudden outburst from our driver causes you to stop mid-sentence, and we both just look at each other, your eyes wide, a smile threatening to form on your lips. As he blows the horn, he leans out the window to allow a string of obscenities to fly at the line of cars we are currently at a stop behind.

"Traffic, eh? What the fuck can ya' do?" He says, sliding back into the car and buckling his seatbelt.

An idea hits me and I reach into my briefcase and pull out a twenty.

"We can walk… keep the change."

I shove the bill into the driver's outstretched hand and glance over at you, motioning for you to follow my lead. The look on your face right now is priceless. It's a mix of what-the-hell's-gotten-into-you and you-have-got-to-be-shitting-me.

"Lets go, detective."

You let out a groan but follow me out of the cab and onto the curb. You shut the door behind you, shaking your head, mumbling something I don't quite understand.

"You realize that my apartment is another eight blocks that way, don't you?" You ask me, pointing ahead of us.

I just smile, and watch as you shove your hands into your pockets.

"What do you have against walking?"

I watch as you come to a stop and bend down to roll your pants leg up slowly. On your shin and spreading around to your calf is a nasty purple and blue bruise.

"This morning, I went in to question this guy we picked up… A pro identified him as her attacker.. I made some comment about it not being fair to beat the shit outta the girl you're with just because you can't get it up and… well, he kicked the shit outta me…" You say, smiling up at me and pulling your pants leg back down. "It's still a little sore."

I shake my head, not in disapproval, but in disbelief. It never ceases to amaze me just how well you know how to push people's buttons… In fact, I've got this one button that you could push repeatedly… I shake that thought from my head and instead try to focus on the fact that I need to be sympathetic right now. I make a mental note to make sure that you get ice on that bruise and that you prop your leg up.

_If you're not going to take care of yourself, then I'll have to take care of you… not that I mind. If you would let me, I would be there for you all the time…_

"I'm sorry, Liv, I had no idea… We can always get back in the cab if you want…"

You just shrug, adjust your leather jacket, and shove your hands back into your pockets, shuffling along the sidewalk.

"It's okay. We'll probably get there on foot a lot faster than we would in a cab anyway." You say, the toe of your boot coming in contact with a small rock.

As we walk in silence, I watch as you kick your rock. You look like such a little kid right now, your hands shoved into your pocket as you kick your rock down the sidewalk. It's almost like you don't have a care in the world…

I don't get to see you like this often. Usually, you are so caught up in the job, so determined to catch who needs to be caught and to get done what needs to be done that you come across as hard, impersonal even…

_Detective Olivia Benson._

I know how you feel most of the time. As someone who has to hide behind a frigid, impersonal all- business-no-pleasure persona, I understand why you always have your guard up. The job you do is not easy, and I can only imagine what it's like to be the only wave estrogen in a sea of testosterone. You're tough, don't get me wrong… but this side of you? The one I'm seeing now?

_This makes me fall even more in love with you…_

"This feels wrong… not being at work right now." You comment, the rock having lost your interest, your focus now on striking up a conversation with me. "I'm not used to this… whatever _this _is…"

You come to a stop, which I do not realize until it's too late. I slam into you, hard, which causes me to lose my balance. I brace myself for the fall, but never hit the ground. Your rapid reflexes have you pulling me into your strong arms, and I go willingly, a warmth spreading throughout my entire body as it comes in full contact with yours; the feeling is all too familiar, and more than a little welcome.

"Whoa… I've got you." You assure me, your breath on my cheek, your lips brushing against the side of my face.

My breath hitches and all I can do is hope that you cannot hear my hammering heart as it threatens to beat out of my chest. Close proximity to you always does this to me, and I know that, even if I try to fight it, the effect you have on me is just too strong. I feel myself start to blush, knowing that my fair skin will do little to hide my reaction to being this close to you.

_Maybe you'll think I'm embarrassed that I wasn't paying attention, that I ran into you like that…One can hope… _

"Sorry about that."

My utterance is lame, but you don't seem to notice… and you don't seem to want to relinquish your hold on me. I stay in your arms but pull back a little, making eye contact with you, wondering if you have any idea what you do to me inside.

In your eyes, I see a myriad of emotions, everything from fear to… something that looks a lot like what I'm feeling…

_Desire. _

Chalking it up to wishful thinking, I pull myself out of your arms, overwhelmed by the lack of contact instantly. Slowly, my heart rate is beginning to return to normal. I take a deep breath, adjusting my briefcase, and the smile that is on your face puts one on mine.

"Awkward is a good look on you, Counselor." You say laughing, and as you turn around to continue our walk, all I can do is follow you, shaking my head.

A block later, we are standing outside of a small bakery, and on your face is the smile of a child outside of a candy store. Without a word, you grab me by the hand and pull me inside a world of sweet, irresistible aromas. I take in the sight of row after row of pastries, cakes, and cookies before me.

"Dessert! No meal is complete without dessert..." You say, pulling me from one confection to another, pointing excitedly. "They have pies too… best key lime pie on the planet. Their brownies are amazing and at 2am, nothing beats peanut butter fudge and a tall glass of milk."

Your excitement is contagious, and I can't help but wonder just what tonight might have in store…


	4. Interruptions

Disclaimer: Is this _really_ necessary?

A/N: I promise to only pick on them for a few more chapters… then I'll get around to real dates, romance, possibly some dancing, etc… But for now? I'm enjoying the trials of love… I mean, c'mon, with a title like _that_, did you expect them to just ease right into a relationship? Ha… yeah, right! This is Olivia Benson we're talking about- nothing ever comes easy for her… but I promise- things will work out… _eventually_…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Once you have purchased a key lime pie, half a dozen chocolate chip cookies, and half a dozen squares of peanut butter fudge, we are on our way out of the bakery and to your apartment. You smile sheepishly at me, eyeing the bright blue bag I am carrying, and I can't help but laugh.

_Ladies and Gentlemen, Olivia Benson is a junk food junkie…_

"It's not an addiction, I swear…"

I can't resist teasing you. Never, not in a million years, would I have pegged you as the sweet tooth type.

"Elliot has offered to pay for my stint in rehab. I told him not to bother- rehab is for quitters… See as how I have no intentions of quitting, it would just be a waste of his coin and my time." You say, your tone jovial.

I'm about to say something when your cell phone rings, and you hold up a finger as you dig the device out of your pocket.

"Benson… yeah… I'm entitled to an afternoon off… She did what?" You make eye contact with me and mouth your partner's name, letting me know who you're talking to, before going back to the conversation. "Well, take 'em home to Kathy… yeah, I'm sure… you too, El."

You close the phone and slip it back into your pocket.

"Sam sent me roses…" You tell me, turning up your nose.

For some reason, you just don't strike me as the flower type. Maybe it's your badass persona or your rough-around-the-edges appearance. I don't know what it is, but something about you tells me that you're just not a send-me-roses kind of girl.

"She doesn't know you at all."

My observation draws laughter from you, and I just smile.

"Oh, really? And just how would you have apologized?" You ask, eyebrow raised in question.

Without thinking, I speak.

"All night long."

I'm flirting, and I know it. I should stop it, should reign myself in before this goes too far, before this goes from harmless flirting to me throwing myself at you completely…

You flash me a knowing grin, and all I can do is smile back at you.

"A little sure of yourself, aren't you? What makes you think I'd be so inclined to forgive?" You ask, and it hits me that you are playing along, that you are flirting right back.

We come to a stop outside your building.

"Certain assets of mine can be very persuasive."

Your eyes meet mine, and in them I see questions that you're too afraid to ask, fears you can't let go of, and hope that you are not used to feeling… Questions and fears have been a part of who you are for so long that you are accustomed to how they feel, how they effect you… but hope? This is foreign to you, an unknown substance seldom allowed to course through your veins…

"I can only imagine… just how persuasive you can be…" You say, your eyes leaving mine, traveling down my body slowly, appreciatively.

I feel myself start to blush under your admiring gaze, feel my pulse begin to quicken.

Before I lose what little courage I have managed to muster, I lean into you, pressing my body against yours. You pull me closer to you, wrapping your arm around my waist, and, encouraged by the look in your eyes, I press my lips to yours, once… twice…

"What the fuck is going on?!" A voice from behind us demands, and it takes a few seconds for my brain to function well enough to identify the voice as that of Samantha Maddox.

_You've got to be kidding me…_

You spin around, a look of anger flashing in your eyes, as you put yourself between the two of us.

"Her?! She's the reason you broke up with me? She's a goddamn ice queen! That frigid bitch? You left someone like me for her?!" She sounds furious, and when she points her finger at me accusingly, you take a step towards her.

"Calm down, Sam… and keep your comments to yourself." You say, your tone one of warning.

You square your shoulders and stand a little taller as she approaches. She rushes up to you, her finger in your face, and I watch as your nostrils flare.

If she knows what's good for her, she'll back down…

"I'll say whatever I want about that self-righteous, uptight bitch! I mean, really, Liv, what are you to her anyway? What do you have to offer the Almighty Alexandra Cabot?! She's going to use you… she's going to use you and then just throw you away! It's what she does…" She is screaming now, attracting the attention of passersby, her hands gesturing wildly.

_Oh, fuck you!_

"You're one to talk! I don't think there's a woman in Manhattan that you haven't tried to go down on, you whore!"

My words must strike a nerve, because she lunges at me, only to be subdued by one very pissed off cop. I watch as you catch the fist she throws your way, spin her around, pinning both her arms to her back.

"Let me go! I'm going to slap the hell outta that stupid bitch!" She is livid, squirming, trying her best to break free of your hold.

Probably having realized that she is not going to break free, she stops struggling, stops screaming at the top of her lungs.

"You're going to leave her the hell alone, that's what you're going to do… You're going to leave- period." You say, letting her go, shoving her away from you.

There's a fire in her eyes that is telling me that this is far from over, and, as if to prove my point, she tries to dart past you and throw a punch at me. I watch in horror as you rush to put yourself between her fist and my face. The blow to your jaw makes a sickening sound. You recover almost instantly, shoving her up against your building, reaching for your cuffs.

I watch and listen as you slap cuffs on her wrists and start reading her rights.

_Assault on one of New York's finest… that's going to look good on her record…_

"No, no, no… I didn't mean to hit you! I was… I was aiming for her! I didn't mean to hit you, Liv, you gotta believe me." She is pleading now, trying her best to convince you to take the cuffs off of her as you pull out your cell phone.

You're on the phone with Elliot, telling him that you've just been assaulted, and from your tone, he is, as usual, worried about you. After assuring him that you are okay, you tell him to come pick up your assailant.

Turning to me, you smile apologetically.

"He's on his way now… about three blocks away." You tell me, then pulling her towards a set of steps, you motion for her to sit down.

She is sitting on the steps, crying, telling you that she's sorry, that if you take the cuffs off, she will leave and you will never hear from her again.

"I take those bracelets off, and you leave… You don't try to contact me. You don't cause any trouble for Alex. You leave… is that clear?" You say, pulling the key out of the back of your handcuff case.

She nods and remains silent.

You walk over to her, helping her to stand, and you turn her around so that you can unlock the handcuffs. Once she is free, she takes a few steps away from us, turning back only once to glance from me to you, before she decides to cut her losses and just leave.

Once she is out of sight, I rush over to you to examine your jaw.

"My, God, Liv… are you okay?!"

I know you can hear the panic in my voice, see the concern in my eyes. I hope you know how much what you just did means to me, hope you know that I just fell a little more in love with you…

You shrug, bringing your hand up to your face, touching it tentatively. You wince a little, and I can't help but feel a tinge of guilt. You took a punch that was meant for me…

"It's been one helluva day, huh?" You ask, laughing as you shake your head. "First I get kicked, then I get slammed through a table… now this…"

_What the hell? Slammed through a table?!_

The look on my face must inform you that you forgot to inform me about the fact that you were slammed through a table, and so you start to explain.

"Pushed another asshole's buttons… A high school kid was found bound and gagged, obvious signs of sexual assault.. He'd had the shit kicked outta him, and when we asked him who did it, he said that his boyfriend had gotten rough with him because he didn't want to be outted… So we picked his boyfriend up. Turns out, the six-foot-four, two-hundred pound quarterback plays for the other team… I, ah… I might have told him that maybe the reason he enjoyed playing ball was because he liked to strip it down and shower with the boys… He picked me up and slammed me through the table before Elliot and Fin could get in there to help me out… Gotta a confession outta him, though…" You recant the story, smiling innocently at me, as if you don't see anything wrong with the fact that you have been assaulted three times in one day.

_What am I going to do with you?_

"Your mouth has a habit of getting you into trouble, detective…"

You grin at me, shrugging once again, reaching out to take me by my hand.

"I seem to recall something else my mouth was doing… before we were interrupted…" You say, and I allow you to pull me into your arms.

I kiss your jaw line, careful not to cause you any pain.

"Purple seems to be your color… in more ways than one."

You roll your eyes at my lame attempt at humor, and I just smile, comfortable in your arms, in your embrace.

"Can you stop cracking jokes… _and just kiss me_?" The last part of what you say is said in a whisper, and instantly, my desire to laugh is replaced by nothing but sheer desire.

The kiss starts out as innocent and exploratory, but as your hand finds its way to the back of my neck, the kiss deepens, becoming sultry and passionate. I bend down slightly, to put the bag from the bakery down, and once both of my hands are free, one hand makes its way to the small of your back while the other finds its way to your hair, my fingertips dancing through strands of brown silk.

Your tongue glides over my bottom lip, and I open my mouth to you, allowing our tongues to collide. You moan into me, and in response, I allow the hand that is on the small of your back to travel a little lower. Slipping my hand into your back pocket, I pull your hips into mine, grinding against you once…

Hearing someone clear their throat rather loudly behind you, I slowly pull away, only to look over your shoulder and into the face of Elliot Stabler. He has lowered his sunglasses and on his face is a look of total shock.

_Busted…_


	5. War of Words

Disclaimer: Yeah, I own 'em… and if you believe that, then believe this one too: I've trained the purple monkeys that just flew outta my ass to make the perfect margarita… _if only.._

A/N: I'm sick. I need help. I know it- this proves it… I honestly do intend to get around to getting them together.. I just dunno when… Oh, and I gotta give props to a friend of mine, Leslie, who came up with the third grader line that Alex spits out at Elliot…

A/N2: FYI: If you guys have a challenge for me- a word for me to use in the next chapter, or a scenario to put these two lovely ladies in- let me know and I'll see what I can do for ya! Enjoy, and c'mon… take a few seconds and brighten my day…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

You groan from the lack of contact, trying to lean into me and recapture my lips, completely oblivious to the fact that your partner has been watching us make out. As much as I was enjoying what we were doing, I don't like doing it with Elliot watching us.

"We have an audience…"

My whispered words register and you slowly turn around to find Elliot's patrol car parked behind us.

"What the..? Liv… _Alex_? Wait, I thought you said you were… What the fuck is going on?!" He sounds upset, and I watch as you lick your lips, a smile forming on them immediately.

_Is it too much to ask to want to be kissed senseless, just once, without interruption? _

"Hey, El… ah, I believe you know Alex…" You say, an adorable smirk on your face. "Sorry about the, ah… false alarm. I took care of things…"

He raises an eyebrow in question, looking from you to me then back to you.

"Yeah… you, ah… you looked like you, ah… had things under control. Umm, you ever get checked out? Cragen wanted to know…" He says, apparently in a hurry to change the subject.

Under different circumstances, I would laugh at his sheepishness, but I refrain from giving into the urge and choose to remain silent. He kind of has the upper hand in this one, having pulled up to find his partner and I in a full on make out session. I should probably be embarrassed, but I'm too turned on to worry about what he thinks about what he has just seen.

"I'm fine, really… just gonna be a little sore in the morning… you know how it is…" You say, and you're making that face, the one that means you're making light of something that is serious.

Elliot knows you, and the look on his face tells me that he's not buying the line of shit you just shot his way.

"Let me be the judge of that… lift that shirt, and if you're not black and blue, then you don't end up in the ER." He says, putting the car in park and motioning for me to check you out.

You roll your eyes, and your hesitation tells me that there's something wrong.

"Liv… how bad is it?"

You close your eyes and let out a sigh.

"Couple of bruises… hurts when I breathe… nothing I can't handle." You say, opening your eyes and wincing as I reach out and carefully pull your shirt up.

At the sight before me, I gasp, holding your shirt up with one hand, covering my mouth with the other.

"Oh, God… Elliot… She needs.. I think she needs to go to the hospital."

Your abdomen is badly bruised, dark purple splotches spread out across your ribs. I uncover my mouth, reaching out to gently run my fingertips across the exposed skin. When you flinch, I pull my fingertips away and let your shirt slip from my hand.

"Please… please go to the hospital. I'll come with you."

I can feel tears stinging my eyes for the second time today, but this time, I try to hold them in, wanting you to only see my strength. Through tear-impaired vision, I watch you nod.

Reaching out to wipe away tears that are on the brink of falling, you cup my face in your hands and plant a quick kiss on my lips.

You walk over and grab the bag from the bakery, a smile on your face.

"Well, if I have to go to hell… I'm taking this with me." You say, and all three of us start laughing.

You walk over to the car and open the back door for me, motioning for me to slide in. Once I'm in the car, you hand me the bag from the bakery and slide in next to me.

"Hey, you two.. none of what was just going down on that curb back there… I can't keep my eyes on what's in front of me if there's a show going on back there that I want to watch in the rear view…" Elliot says, and you reach up and pop him playfully on the shoulder.

He pretends to be wounded, while you and I just smile at one another.

"The sooner you get us to the hospital, the sooner I can gloat about being right about being fine. A few bruises never killed anyone, Elliot. Besides, I had plans this afternoon." You say, and I detect a slight wince as you shift to get a little more comfortable.

Elliot puts the car in drive and stomps the accelerator, smiling as he reaches up and turns the sirens on.

_Cops will use anything as an excuse to play with those things…_

Keeping my little theory to myself, I watch as you roll your eyes at him and his antics.

"He just likes to flash his lights and make some noise every once in awhile…" You say, unknowingly confirming my suspicions.

Elliot laughs, but I'm too concerned about you to find anything funny right now. Every few seconds, I catch you grimace out of the corner of my eye. Sensing that you are in pain, and knowing that I can do very little about it, I do what I can, reaching out to cover your hand with mine. I squeeze gently, trying, without words, to tell you that I'm here for you.

You look down and smile, turning your hand up and into mine, slowly lacing our fingers together.

"You're not okay… are you?"

My question causes you to stare out your window for a few seconds before you finally turn to face me.

"Feels like a cracked rib… maybe two… So far as my leg goes? Ah, it kinda hurts a little… might need to ice it or something." You tell me, an embarrassed look on your face.

I can tell that you think you've done something wrong, that you think I'm upset with you. You hang your head a little, avoiding my gaze, and I can't help but wonder why you don't take better care of yourself…

_Don't you know I would be devastated if something happened to you?_

"That's nothing! Hey, Liv, you still got those stitches, the ones from when that pro stabbed you in the arm with a nail file? You shoulda seen her, Alex, nail file sticking out of her arm as she wrestled that bitch to the ground… Made me proud. A real fighter, this one…" Elliot says, beaming ear to ear as he reaches up and kills the siren and lights.

Torn between slapping him and asking him where the hell he was when this happened, I decide to go with the one that won't land my ass in jail… again.

"And this happened while you were… where?"

I feel you stiffen next to me, can sense that you want me to drop the issue.

Elliot laughs, shrugs a little, then pushes his shades back up.

"Liv's a big girl, Alex, she can take care of herself." He says, dismissing my concern altogether.

I can feel the anger as it rises, and absolutely no one has to tell me that this is not going to end well.

"I don't happen to find it very funny that you let your partner get stabbed with a nail file then put through a table. So again… where were you when all of this happened… taking a shit break?"

My tone is far from pleasant, and I watch as the color starts to rise in his face. You squeeze my hand a little and I look at you, eyebrow raised in challenge.

_What? Can't I ask a question? It's what I do, remember?_

"You act like I actually let that shit happen… I'm as protective over her as anyone will ever be, but I can't _baby-sit_ her during an interrogation that Cragen told her to do. We're trained to handle situations like that, we do more than relax behind some big desk in a cushy office with a view and a mocha machine… We take care of our own, Cabot, and you suggesting otherwise doesn't fly well with me… _A shit break_? Really, Alex, what is this… the third grade? I would think a lawyer would come armed with better insults." He says, and even though I can't see his eyes, I know that they are probably trained on me through his rearview mirror.

I should count to ten, but I don't.

"Sometimes, you act worse than a third grader, so I wouldn't dare put them in the same category as you. If you call a parking lot a view, then yes, my office has one…Your job is to protect people, Elliot, and had you been doing that, we wouldn't be on our way to St. Vincent's right now. So… I suggest, if you don't want me telling you how to do your job in the future, that you do it! Oh, and I don't have a goddamn mocha machine…"

Having arrived at a light that is thoroughly red, I don't see this conversation coming to an end anytime soon, so I sit back and brace myself for the Elliot-Stabler-blow-up-of-the-day.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, talking to me like that? You hide behind depositions and closing statements, while we're out on the streets, busting our asses to make sure rapists and child molesters get snatched off the streets and get sent to rot in a cell where they belong… Don't talk to me about doing my job… I do my damn job!" His voice is raised, which does very little to calm me down.

Just as I open my mouth to retaliate, your hand slips out of mine and comes to rest on my forearm. I look over at you and you just shake your head, silently pleading with me to just let it go.

You let out a sigh, a tired look on your face, and as much as I would love to continue having this conversation with Stabler, I don't think that my doing so would be best for you.

Sitting up and tapping Elliot on the shoulder, you proceed to make an announcement.

"Lets all play a game. It's called shut-the-fuck-up. First one speaks, loses. Loser does a lap around the precinct in nothing but their birthday suit." You say, a small smile playing across your lips. "Starting… now…"

I want to laugh, but I'm not sure if that would count as saying something, so I remain silent.

How you manage to get me to go from mad as hell to smiling and trying not to laugh in two seconds flat is beyond me, and as I slip my hand back into yours, you move a little closer to me so that you can lean against me.

The remainder of our ride to St. Vincent's is filled with silence, but I can't help wondering if putting the arrogant ass sitting in front of me in his place would be worth the humiliation of jogging around the 1-6 in all my glory…


	6. Another Idea

Disclaimer: They are not mine, I just like to touch things that do not belong to me… always have… If I get sued, everything is up for grabs except for my pick up truck- no good _southern _lesbiancan get by without a pick up truck…

A/N: So yeah, I've started thinking that this is going to turn into a long story… I have so many ideas swirling around in this head of mine… I know that sexual tension can only take a story so far, but there's something between these two amazingly beautiful women that makes me think that I can get away with a few more chapters of some seriously hot teasing… Well, that, and I want to build a foundation between them- jumping straight into wild, frantic, satisfying sex would probably make things a lot more interesting, but I want to try something a little different: a _relationship_… Who's along for the ride?

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Once we pull up in front of the ER entrance of St. Vincent's, I exit the driver's side of the car and watch as you slowly slide out of the vehicle behind me. You inhale sharply, trying to lean into the car to grab my briefcase and the bag from the bakery. You stand up, frowning, and I motion for you to allow me to help you. Slinging my briefcase over my shoulder, I grab the bright blue bag and toss a smile your way.

"Lets go get you patched up, okay?"

You frown, offering me an almost undetectable nod, as you stop at Elliot's window.

"I'm gonna let 'em take a look at me. They probably won't keep me over night, but I'll still call you and let you hear from me… See you in the morning… and thanks for the ride." You say, and the look that's on his face is one of shock.

He lowers his sunglasses, studies you for a few seconds.

"You sure you don't want me to come with you? " He asks, his tone warm, his eyes full of genuine concern.

A pang of guilt hits me, and I realize just how wrong I was to pick a fight with him. Of all people, I should know that Elliot would never let anything happen to you. You are family to him, and for me to attack him, for me to suggest that he didn't have your best interest at heart… As much as it kills me to admit it… I was wrong.

"Yeah, El, I'll be okay… Cabot will take care of me." You say, looking over your shoulder at me, offering me a small smile.

He pushes his sunglasses back up and shrugs.

"Well… alright then… Call me and let me hear from you though, okay? If you're bad sore in the morning, Cragen probably wouldn't shit a brick if you, ah… well, actually, about that… He doesn't wanna see your mug tomorrow, said to tell you to come back when you don't look like you've had your ass handed to you…" He grins at you, and from the look you just shot at him, you're not happy with having to take a day off. "So, I'll see ya in _two_ days…" He adds, laughing when you hit him in the chest.

You roll your eyes and shake your head.

"Yeah, see ya… you son-of-a-bitch." You say playfully, and he laughs as he rolls his window up then drives off.

You stand next to me, a look of total defeat on your face. You seem upset about having to spend a day home. As I mentally run through a list of what I had planned for tomorrow, it hits me that I am not due in court for another two days. The only thing I have planned for tomorrow is going over testimonies, and I offer you a shy smile, wondering if you might be interested in some company.

"The sooner we get you checked out, the sooner we get out of here… and back to your place."

My comment brings a smile to your lips, and only after the comment has escaped me does it hit me that my words could be taken in a lot of different ways. I just continue to smile at you, trying my best to ignore the warmth that spreads throughout my entire body when you look at me the way you're looking at me right now.

"I've got another idea…" You say, walking over to a cab that's waiting in a nearby parking space.

I watch as you pull out your badge and shove it into the driver's face. He's young, probably early twenties, and when his eyes go from your badge to your sidearm, he looks like he's about to wet himself.

"Official police business." You say, opening the back door of the cab and motioning for me to slide in as you rattle off your address to the driver.

I slide into the cab, putting my briefcase and the bag from the bakery between us, and as you slide in next to me with a grunt, I'm not so sure that this is a good idea. You should be letting a doctor check you out, just to make sure that you're okay. You should be written a prescription for something to ease the pain that I know you are in right now.

Instead, we are in a cab, on our way to your apartment for the second time this afternoon. I look over at you to find that you have this shit-eating grin on your face.

"Did you just abuse the power that comes along with that shield, detective?"

My question causes you to laugh, and I laugh along with you.

"Don't tell… and I'll make it worth your while…" You say, your voice low and seductive as you wink at me.

A warm wetness pools between my thighs as my mind provides me with all kinds of things you could do to repay me for my silence, and all I can do is try my best to regulate my breathing as you lean in close to me.

You reach out, cupping my face with one hand, and leaning into your touch, I feel anticipation and desire start to course through my veins in the form of an intense, overwhelming warmth that causes my senses to slowly grin to a halt. Our lips touch, and my entire body is hit by a longing I have never felt before. An unfamiliar almost painful need spreads from my chest and settles in the pit of my gut, threatening to consume me as your tongue finds its way into my mouth.

I've never been kissed like this before, never wanted to lose myself in a touch, a caress..

Your hand slowly slides from the side of my face to behind my neck, your fingers getting tangled in my hair as you pull me even closer to you, deepening the kiss as our tongues deftly dance.

"Oh, man… that's fuckin' hot..." Our driver says, and when you pull away from me, I groan, reaching out and grabbing a handful of the front of your shirt, trying my best to convince you to forget about him and to continue doing what you're doing to me.

You look at me, your eyes darker than usual, and you hold up your index finger as you lean forward, your free hand reaching up and snatching the rearview mirror down. You smile at me, slipping the mirror into the bag from the bakery, and then your lips seek out mine once again.

"Hey! What the fuck did ya do that for?" He says, sounding more upset about not being able to watch what's going on behind him than he is about the damage you've just done.

Our driver's protests are ignored by both of us as we continue to kiss each other.

A few seconds that feel like a brief eternity later, we pull away from each other, both of us panting and desperate for air.

"I… I'm not… I usually don't do this…" You confess, your forehead resting against mine, your breaths ragged and uneven.

I take a deep breath, inhale the scent I have come to know as uniquely you, and for right now, all I can do is search for your lips once more, my desire for you too strong, too intense to deny.

Your fingers are still tangled up in my hair, and as I grab a handful of your leather jacket, I pull you closer to me, moaning into your mouth as our tongues duel. When the annoying need for oxygen hits us once again, we pull away from each other, and on your face is the absolute most beautiful smile.

"I'm… well, I just don't… I'm _never_ like this…" You're trying so hard to explain something to me, but, as I already know, you're not exactly good with words, so your voice trails off and you befriend silence.

Even though I find the frustrated look that's on your face right now completely adorable, my heart goes out to you. Avoiding my eyes, you reach into the bakery bag and pull out the rearview mirror, deciding to stare at it instead of looking into my eyes.

"It's okay… no explanation needed."

Your eyes meet mine, and your hand goes from the back of my neck to the side of my face. The appreciation in your eyes is impossible to miss as you bring your forehead to rest against mine again. You close your eyes, letting out a long sigh. I've never seen you like this, never seen you so…

_What? Out of control? Lost? A little of both, maybe?_

The cab comes to a stop outside of your building, but we stay the way we are for a few minutes before you open your eyes and pull away from me, slowly making your way out of the cab.

You tap on the window, getting our driver's attention. He rolls his window down, and you hand him his rearview mirror with a smile. He shakes his head and tosses it into the passenger seat next to him.

"How much do we owe you?"

At the sound of my voice, our driver turns around to face me and leans against the back of his seat, a wide grin on his face.

"With that performance?! Lady, I feel like _I _ought to pay _you guys_ something… Consider us even, okay?" He says, and if it's possible, his smile widens.

I smile at him, at his candor, and I slide out of the cab, leaning back in to grab my briefcase and the bright blue bag from your _'absolute favorite place on God's green earth'_. I shut the door of the cab, watching as he drives off, and I smile, remembering the excited look on your face as you tried to narrow it down to just one pie and one kind of cookie. The peanut butter fudge was a last minute addition, accompanied by a sheepish grin and a cute shrug of your shoulders. I laughed when the guy behind the counter commented that you were lacking a few of your staples. When you flashed him your badge and thanked him for doing his part in fighting for justice, all three of us started laughing.

As we make our way to your apartment, I notice that you are moving a little slower than normal.

"Elevator's out… just my luck, huh?" You say, smiling apologetically at me.

I don't give a damn about having to climb a few flights of stairs, but as I watch you struggle to make your way to your apartment, I'm starting to think that maybe we should be at St. Vincent's right now.


	7. Expectations

Disclaimer: Okay, no… they are not mine… but late at night… _I pretend that they are_…

A/N: Thanks to those of you who are reviewing faithfully- it means a lot that you're willing to take the time to let me know what you think! Enjoy, and again… thanks!

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Once we have made it to you apartment door, I watch as you dig into your pocket and pull out your keys. A key chain catches my eye, and I laugh when I realize that the shiny object that beckoned to me is a small silver replica of the badge you're so fond of flashing.

"Gift from Stabler?"

As you unlock the door, you laugh, holding up the key chain to allow a better inspection. I reach out and take the keys from you, running my thumb over the shield reverently.

"Yeah… Five years of being his partner and all I got was some lame ass key chain…" You say jokingly, knowing that you don't have to explain the bond you share with him to me.

You open the door and step into your apartment, letting out yet another long sigh. I follow you, shutting and locking the door behind us, and I watch as you kick off your boots. The next thing to go is your sidearm, which you lay on the coffee table along with your shield. Carefully and rather slowly, you peel off your leather jacket, tossing it over the back of the couch.

I'm not sure exactly what to do. My routine at home would be similar to yours. I would drop the briefcase, kick off my shoes, and slip out of the jacket. For some reason, I'm not sure if I should do that here, so I just stand where I am, awaiting instruction from you.

When you turn around, you look me over a few times, an amused expression on your face.

"God, Alex, relax… Drop the briefcase and lose the heels and jacket… in fact, if you wanna get comfortable, I've got some sweats that should fit ya… You can get changed while I order dinner…" You offer, smiling at me as my briefcase falls to the floor with a thud.

I slide my feet out of my shoes, looking down at my feet as I wiggle my stocking-covered toes a few times, relief flooding my entire body. I love what I do, and I love that I do it while sharply dressed, but at the end of the day, all I want to be is barefooted and comfortable. I slip out of my jacket, and without thought, I toss it onto your couch. It lands next to your jacket, and I begin to pull at my tucked in button up shirt. Once it's no longer tucked in, I begin to relax even more.

I look up at you and flash you a smile.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer."

You nod, motioning for me to follow you.

Down a hallway, past two doors, through the last door on the left, and I find myself standing in your bedroom, looking around. Your bed is made, there are no clothes on the floor, and everything seems to have a place and to be in its place. For some reason, this is not at all what I had expected.

A queen size bed with an abundance of pillows covered in a black, white, and gray striped comforter is in the center of the room. Next to the bed is a bedside table, a lamp and an alarm clock on it along with some loose change and a pack of gum. At the foot of the bed is a beautiful, black chest of drawers with a few candles on top of it.

In one corner is a black leather chair with a matching ottoman, and in the other corner, a computer desk is set up, a black Dell laptop resting on it along with a few files, some pens, and two or three legal pads. The black leather computer chair looks amazingly comfortable, and for a second, I get a mental picture of you stretched out on the bed reading the paper while I sit at the desk, pouring over files…

The image conjured puts a smile on my face.

"Not what you were expecting?" You ask, and once again, you are wearing an amused expression.

I continue to smile, still looking around the room.

"I was expecting… well, I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting… Is that from Ethan Allen?"

I point to the chair and the ottoman, having eyed something similar to it in last months catalog.

"Ah, yeah… The comforter, the sheets, the pillows, and the candles are all Ethan Allen, as is most of the stuff in the living room… The last time Elliot came over, he wanted to know why my apartment looked like one of the guys from Queer Eye had helped me deck it out." You say, and I watch as you sit down on the end of your bed.

When a look of discomfort washes over your beautiful features, I can't help but be concerned. I walk over, and when I am standing in front of you, your eyes gaze up into mine. Just by looking into your eyes, I can tell that you are in pain but that you don't want me to know that you are; for some reason, you are never as concerned about yourself as you are about others.

I reach out to run my fingers through your hair, marveling at how this simple gesture seems to effect both of us. You close your eyes, let out a sigh, and I feel you shudder slightly as my fingertips leave your tresses to slowly glide down the side of your face.

"I want to see."

My request made, I watch in silence as you open your eyes then stand to your feet. I bring both of my hands to the buttons of your shirt, and, carefully, as not to cause you any pain, I take my time unbuttoning each button. Once I have unbuttoned the last one, I slide the shirt off of your shoulders, gasping at the sight before me.

"It's not as bad as it looks." You assure me, but the assurance you feel fails to seep into me as I take in the sight of your bruised abdomen.

Once again, I reach out and gently spread my fingers across the smooth, exposed skin. The warmth of your body beneath my fingertips spreads from my palm up my arm as I look into your eyes.

"You're in pain."

As I take a step back to get a better look, I notice that the bruises cover the better part of the right side of your body, from the front around to the back. I let my hand fall away from you, motioning for you to turn around so that I can see just how badly you are bruised. When you turn around, I feel tears spring to my eyes. How you managed to go through the day like this, I will never know…

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body." You sound so nonchalant, almost as if you don't see that getting the shit kicked out of you is a big deal.

You turn back around to face me, and upon noticing the tears that are in my eyes, you reach out and pull me to you.

Having been so caught up in examining your bruises, I think my brain failed to register that you are standing in front of me half naked… well, that is… until now.

Wrapped in your arms, pressed against your almost bare chest, I feel myself start to get feverish. I try to focus on the concern I feel for you, try to push away the desire that is bubbling just beneath the surface… but all I'm aware of is your warmth, and all I can feel is the swell of your breasts, hidden beneath a thin layer of red silk and outlined in lace.

"You need to rest… I'll change and then I'll take care of ordering the food, okay?"

You pull away from me, a frown already starting to form, but before you can protest, I press my index finger to your lips. Beneath the tip of my finger I feel your lips start to turn up into a smile.

"Ooou dunt haff to dwoo dat…" You mumble through lips that are still being pressed

closed.

I trace the outline of your mouth before I let my hand fall to my side.

"I know I don't have to… but I want to. Let me take care of you..."

You nod, then walk over to your chest of drawers. Despite the fact that you are injured, and that I probably should not be thinking what I'm thinking right now, I can't stop myself from watching the way the muscles of your back move beneath your olive skin as you bend over and retrieve two t-shirts and two pairs of sweatpants from the drawer.

You are in great shape. Your torso is lean, your shoulders are well-built, and your biceps are defined. I know that you run to stay in shape, and you have mentioned that you are into kick-boxing, but I can't imagine what your work out routine must be like for you to look the way you look.

Even battered and bruised, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on…

"You don't mind representing the NYPD for a little while, do you?" You asking, tossing a gray t-shirt and a black pair of sweatpants my way.

I catch them both and you smile. I put the shirt and sweatpants on the end of your bed.

"Of course not…"

Without thinking, I start to unbutton my shirt, only stopping when I hear you clear your throat. I stop about half way through the task, looking up at you.

"Ah, you can change in the bathroom… if you want to." You say, adding the last few words as an afterthought.

I shrug, then continue to unbutton my shirt, not oblivious to the fact that your eyes are watching my every move.

I slip out of my shirt and head over to the leather chair in the corner. After draping my shirt over the back of the chair, I reach behind me and start to unzip my skirt. The fabric slides off of my hips with ease, and after I have picked it up and draped it over the back of your chair along with my shirt, I stand before you in a black bra, a black pair of bikini briefs, and stockings.

I slowly remove my stockings, smiling at you as you look me over admiringly. I ball them up and toss them into the chair, and you just smile at me, shaking your head slightly.

"What?"

I walk over to the end of the bed and pick up your t-shirt. As I pull it on, I inhale deeply, enjoying the smell and feel of the cool cotton against my skin.

"How'd I know you'd be the matching bra and panties type?" You ask, and in place is one of your lopsided grins that I have come to love so much.

I slip into your sweatpants then push my glasses back up where they belong. I have no intention of missing a second of you slipping out of those jeans, if you happen to be so inclined to change in front of me.

"Been imagining me in my underwear, detective?"

I don't mind if you have. In fact, I would be disappointed if you haven't. Honestly, I lost count months ago of how many times I have imagined you in various stages of undress.

"You ever wondered what's between me and my Levi's?" You ask, and I can feel myself start to blush.

You unbuckle your black leather belt then tug it out of your belt loops. I watch as you roll it up then turn around to place it on the chest of drawers.

"Touché."

Your back now to me, I can't see you unbutton your pants, but I can hear your zipper being unzipped slowly. You shove your jeans down a little, shaking your hips to get them to drop to the floor, and when they do, I just smile. You step out of your jeans then turn around, bending over to pick them up. As you make your way over to the hamper next to the chest of drawers, I watch you unashamedly.

Stretched across your perfectly shaped ass is a pair of black boy shorts.

I am staring. Again. I know that I shouldn't be…

But I am.

_Alexandra, must you be so __**obvious**__ in your admiration of the female form? You are a Cabot, dear, discretion is not just advised, it is required…_

Once again, my mother's voice invades my thoughts. When I thought that growing up and establishing a life for myself would drive away the constant invasion of my mother into my life and into who I am… I thought wrong.

My mother has known of my… _admiration_… for some time now, and while she does not approve of the fact that I _"prefer to spend my time in the company of women"_…she has never been anything but supportive of me my whole life.

"Again... not what you were expecting?" You ask, grabbing another gray NYPD t-shirt and pulling it on, an almost undetectable grin on your face.

You walk over to me, sweatpants in hand, and when your almost undetectable grin turns into an all out smile, I motion for you to turn around. Once your back is to me, I reach out and lift your t-shirt up so that my view is no longer obstructed.

"Oh, you have met my expectations… and then some."

I let the shirt fall and you turn around to face me.

"Who woulda thought… Alexandra Cabot is an ass woman." You say, laughing as you take a step back to allow yourself some room to pull on your sweatpants.

_I'm an Olivia Benson woman…_

"Speaking of ass… how about you get yours in bed… I'll place our order, and while you're relaxing, you need to have an ice pack on that leg… maybe on your stomach too?"

You groan, but when I walk over to the bed and pull your covers back, you slip into it without arguing.

"Speed dial, number three. Tell Luigi you want my usual… but for two… He'll know exactly what to send." You tell me, moving around, wrestling with your sheets and comforter before finally settling down.

I smile.

"Done."

I head out of your bedroom and down the hall back to your living room. I grab the cordless phone off of one of your end tables, press three, and after placing our order, I put the phone back in its cradle and head back down the hallway.

I'm about to announce that dinner will be served in forty-five minutes to an hour when the sight before me causes me to come to a stop in your doorway.

The ice packs will have to wait.

Propped up on a mountain of pillows with your covers pulled up under your chin, you have fallen fast asleep…


	8. Badda Bing

Disclaimer: A little thing like ownership simply should not stand in the way of creativity…

A/N1: It never fails- just let a good little storm roll through, and all I want to do is lock myself away and write… which is exactly what I did. I finally got some "me time" today, which was amazing… I set myself up with some killer coffee, an amazing bagel, and some Joe Cocker playing softly… and I was ready to put my fingertips to work… I haven't the faintest idea where the hell my muse found this, but I hope you like what she came up with…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Still standing in your doorway, I prop myself up against your doorframe, crossing my arms over my chest. I have never watched you sleep, never had the privilege of attaining this level of intimacy with you, and so, if standing here, watching you rest peacefully, is an invasion of your privacy… maybe I'll apologize later. But I doubt that I will. Honestly, I feel no remorse whatsoever. All I feel is a strong desire to slip under the covers and snuggle up next to you.

I smile, watching your chest rise and fall as you take deep, uneven breaths.

If, for only a moment, I could allow myself to be honest with myself, I would admit that seeing you like this has an undeniable effect on me. If I could confess that watching you sleep makes me feel as if everything is right in the world… if I could accept just how deep my love for you runs…

_Maybe then I could tell you that I love you._

But I can't.

Not now… not yet.

I am torn between what I want to do and what I feel I should do. Part of me wants to throw caution into the wind, to take what I want with little to no regard for the consequences of my actions…

But another part of me, the part of me that has been winning the battle for the last few years, has me convinced that I should play it safe, that I should control myself and refrain from chasing after what I know I want… and need.

_You will learn to sacrifice your wants and needs, Alexandra, and with time, you may even come to appreciate the gift that has been afforded you… My dear, sweet, daughter… If only things could be different for you…_

Her voice, so forlorn and lacking in hope…

Tears form at the recollection of that afternoon, spent beneath the shade of an old oak tree, as we sat next to each other on a bench, watching the other members of the country club participate in various activities.

That was the day you found out that I was not learning the finer points of French kissing from Todd Wellington III, my father's expressed pick for my hand in marriage. That was the day you found out that your little girl was more interested in Rebecca Wellington, a tall, dark haired and dark eyed beauty who was as gorgeous as her daddy was rich.

I can still remember the look of horror on my mother's face when she discovered that the gardeners were not the only ones who used our pool house as a place to do more than just towel off. Caught up in the moment, I was unaware of her presence, as my lips pressed against Rebecca's, as her hand made its way up under my shirt.

The clearing of my mother's throat brought reality crashing down around us, and to this day, I can still hear the words she spoke to Rebecca as Rebecca made her way past my mother and out of our pool house.

_I trust that you will speak of this to no one, Miss Wellington, and that, in the future, you will keep your hands to yourself… lest your mother and father find out about your extracurricular activities._

After Rebecca left, my mother and I made our way to a bench, away from everyone else. We remained silent for the longest time, me trying to get over the humiliation and shame I felt, and her, I suppose, trying to decide how to best handle the situation.

After explaining to me what it means to be a Cabot, what a privilege it is to bear a name that is held in such high esteem, she assured me that she would never tell my father about what had happened… Then, after advising me to be a bit more diplomatic, she only brought the subject up once when I was in college. It had somehow gotten back to her that I was _"entertaining female guests"_. We laughed at how quickly the gossip fire spread, and much to my surprise, my mother told me that if I was going to take after her, I should be like her in every way- and make sure that I did not get caught.

Knowing that your mother married your father because it was what she was made to do is one thing… finding out that your mother was married to a man but preferred to _"be in the company of women"?_

That threw me for one hell of a loop.

I shake myself from my reverie and weigh my options.

I want to crawl into bed with you, but so many reservations rise to the surface.

_I am playing with fire, sure to get burned…_

I steal a few more glances at you in repose before I turn and head towards your kitchen, deciding that maybe setting the table would be my best course of action.

Always so industrious, so functional, I simply cannot help but wish that I had not been born a Cabot… Sure, the money is convenient, and the status that comes with the name is an

immense asset when in pursuit of greatness… but the sense of duty I sometimes feel that comes along with my noble upbringing can be stifling, and I resent the hell out of what I fear it may one day cost me.

Once in your kitchen, I decide that I need to busy myself with the task of setting the table for two. A longing to make this unfamiliar task part of my daily routine rises up within me. There is something completely comfortable and entirely domestic about setting a table for two people, something that makes a feeling of wholeness float around inside of me and settle in the pit of my gut.

_I could get used to this._

In your cabinet, I am surprised to find a set of beautiful, deep crimson dishes. It's the color that surprises me most, so seemingly uncharacteristic of you. I grab two of the plates and begin to set the table. Retrieving two wine glasses from the top shelf, I smile, an idea occurring to me. I place a wine glass across from each plate before making my way down your hall in silence to slip into your room and grab a candle off of your chest of drawers.

I glance over my shoulder to find that you have stirred in your sleep and are now laying on your side. Your expression is soft, and, even though I know you still have to travel down the road to recovery that is set before you, I can only hope that the rest you are getting now will help to expedite the healing process.

Once I am back in the kitchen, I place the candle in the center of your kitchen table, then begin to ramble through your kitchen drawers in search of silverware and matches. I find what I'm looking for, and once the table has been set, I step back to admire my work.

_Not bad._

I head into the living room, looking around, smiling as I realize why Elliot thought that maybe one of the guys from Queer Eye helped you decorate. The couch and recliner are black leather, and the coffee table and end tables are metal with glass top surfaces. Your hardwood floors are beautiful, and beneath the couch and coffee table, there is a rug spread out, its tones dark but still warm and complimentary of the few accessories that are spread throughout the room. The swirls of black, red, and gray in the rug seem to flow up and out into the entire room.

_Casual elegance.._

The black is brought out by the couch and the recliner, along with a black entertainment center that houses your TV, DVD player, and your collection of DVDs. The red is accentuated in the lamp that is on one of the end tables and the plush, thick blanket folded and tossed over the back of the recliner. Shades of gray can be found in the picture frames on the wall, and once the pictures have caught my eye, I walk over to take a better look.

Three black and white images line the wall in a downward set of stairs.

The first photo is one of the Manhattan bridge. The picture itself was taken from an angle that makes the bridge seem endless. There is something artistic, something almost magical about the photo, and I smile, knowing that for you, this represents the city you have sworn to serve and protect.

The second photo is of a long, winding path, surrounded by trees. There is an empty park bench in the bottom left hand corner, and even though I can't quite put my finger on what makes this scene feel so familiar, there is definitely something about the photo that I recognize. This picture speaks to the runner in me. It's possible that this is a path found in Central Park, and if it is, my feet have pummeled this patch of earth numerous times. To me, this picture represents your love of running… and your desire for freedom.

The last photo is of a street I do not recognize. A small diner, a barbershop, a jewelry store, and a flower shop are lined up, and in the distance, there are vendors and taxis lined up down the street as well. Businessmen on cell phones, women carrying shopping bags, and a young boy on a bike are in the foreground of the picture, and I laugh, noticing that there is a bag of newspapers slung over his shoulder and a disgusted look on his face. Again, your love of the city can be found in this picture, and I can't help but wonder if you took these pictures yourself.

I make a mental note to ask you about the pictures as I walk over and flop down on your couch.

Still surveying my surroundings, I take a deep breath and, once again, I get lost in thought.

_I wonder if this can be considered our first real date? We've had dinner together several times, even gone out for drinks a few times… but something about this… something feels different… This is less formal and more intimate…_

"I passed the hell out, didn't I?" You call out from behind me, the sound of your voice pulling me away from my thoughts.

I feel myself start to smile as you make your way into the living room and settle down next to me on the couch.

"It's okay… you needed the rest."

Without hesitation, you make yourself comfortable, stretching out on the couch so that your feet touch one end and your head is in my lap. You close your eyes, snuggling closer to me, and I reach out to run my fingers through your hair.

"I love when you do that." You whisper softly, a smile forming on your lips, as my fingers continue to sift through strands that are various shades of brown.

I lean down and kiss your forehead, then I lean a little closer to you so that I can whisper in your ear.

"I aim to please."

Your smile grows wider, and I can only imagine what's going on in that head of yours. You chuckle to yourself, and once you have stopped laughing, you decide to tell me what you find so damn funny.

"Am I safe in my assumption that you tackle _everything_ with the same enthusiasm and passion you bring to the courtroom?" You ask, opening your eyes and looking up at me.

I purse my lips together, eyeing you suspiciously, wondering if you're asking me what I think you're asking me.

"Don't get me wrong, I love the law… but there are _other_ things that I am more enthusiastic and passionate about."

You raise an eyebrow in question, and I laugh at the incredulous expression that is on your face right now.

_That's right. I went there… And if you think that I'm passionate about the law, just wait until you have the chance to witness my professionalism be replaced by love, longing, need, and a wild desire to hear you call out my name…_

There is a knock at the door.

"Livia, get it while it's hot, eh?" A man calls out from the other side of the door.

You reluctantly sit up, and I motion for you to stay seated.

"I've got it… Get out that wine you mentioned, okay? Leave everything else up to me."

I make my way over to your door, sliding the locks back, and when I open it, I am greeted by a smiling but puzzled looking older man. Standing about five foot three, he is your typical robust, Italian man, right down to the mustache and the olive colored skin. His hair is charcoal gray with strands of white sticking out from under his Lido's hat. He looks to be in his sixties, and I'm guessing that he is Lido.

I bend down and dig into my briefcase, pulling out a few bills before I stand back up and motion towards the rather large paper bag he is holding. Behind me you head into the kitchen to get the wine, and I smile once I realize that you are standing behind me rather closely, almost possessively.

"You, my love, are _not_ my Livia… but you will most definitely do! S'gonna be twenty two even, bella…" He says, looking me over, a bright sparkle in his almost coal black eyes. "Hello, Livia, good to see you again…" He says, nodding your way.

I smile politely at him, then offer him a twenty and a ten.

"Keep the change."

I reach out to take the bag from him, and once his hands are free, he shoves the money into his pocket and removes his hat, bringing it down to cover his heart.

"If'n I wasn't a married man, I assure you, my intentions would _not_ be as honorable as the intentions of woman you are spending your time with tonight… Ah, but to be in her presence… is like dream come true, no? My Livia is as charming as she is beautiful… Careful with this one, eh?! A lil' wine, some of Lido's lasagna… and badda bing!! Eh?!" He says, putting his hat back on and motioning towards you then tossing a wink my way.

Your face is now a lovely shade of red, and I smile, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on the man's cheek.

"Have a wonderful night, ladies!" He exclaims, turning on his heels to leave.

I close the door behind him and start laughing.

"Badda bing?"

Your face is still red as you shrug, and I follow you into the kitchen, still laughing at the little man's forwardness.

"Badda boom…" You say, laughing along with me.

I watch as your expression changes, your eyes falling on the table before you. In a hurry to grab the wine and get back to me, you overlooked the table completely.

"Hope you don't mind… while you were sleeping, I made myself useful."

You turn to me and offer me a small, almost shy smile.

"It's perfect." You say, as you walk over to my chair and pull it out for me.

I place the bag of food on the table between us and sit down, watching as you hover over it, inhaling deeply and appreciatively. You put the bottle of wine on the table, still a little more interested in the aromas filling the air than you are in anything else.

Something about this scene reminds me of you in the bakery, and I smile to myself.

I light the candle that rests between us, and as you reach in the bag and start pulling out breadsticks and two containers of lasagna, I can't help but feel as if all is right with the world…


	9. Confections

Disclaimer: Alas, some Dick owns 'em and _**still**_ doesn't know what to do with 'em…

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up- I've been feeling like two piles of shit this week. My inspiration went and shacked up with someone else, and, to be honest… I let her… because I knew she'd be back… She _always_ comes back. LOL. Am I not the most conceited little shit you've never met? Enjoy, and drop a line or two if you're so inclined. Reviews make me want to write more and more and more and… well, you get the point…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Once our plates have been piled with steaming heaps of pasta, sauce, meat, and about five different kinds of cheeses, you are the first to dive in, moaning loudly as you take the first bite of your lasagna.

_If food has her making noises like that I wonder what kind of noises she will make when it's her that is on my menu…_

I smile to myself, noticing that my mind seems to be on one thing and one thing only this afternoon.

_One year, nine months, three weeks, and a few days… _

My Energizer-powered love affair with myself has gone on far too long, in my humble opinion.

I take it upon myself to open the wine and to first fill your glass, then my own.

"This is the best lasagna in all of New York, and the breadsticks? I can eat half a dozen of these things…" You say, then take a bite out of the breadstick in your hand. "And don't ask where all of it goes… me and Elliot haven't figured it out yet."

I shake my head, then take a bite of the lasagna, instantly agreeing with your claim that it's the best in all of New York.

_No wonder you have this place on speed dial._

"Mmm, s'good, huh?" You ask, your mouth full of food.

I nod, reaching for a breadstick, and once I sink my teeth into it, I mimic your moan unintentionally. The breadstick has been lightly buttered, and the more of it I consume, the more I pick up on just a hint of garlic.

"This is amazing."

You smile at my comment and continue to eat. The next few minutes are passed in silence, the only sounds being made are your occasional moans and the clinking of fork against plate. I take a sip of my wine, smiling as I watch you chase and stab at a noodle on your plate with your fork. Giving up on conventional, you go for convenience, and with your thumb and index finger, you pick the noodle up, tilt your head back, then drop it into your mouth with a satisfied slurp.

Why, I will probably never know, but I find your uncouthness to be absolutely adorable.

We eat in comfortable silence, and once I have somehow managed to clean my plate, you lean back in your chair with a satisfied grin on your face, one hand resting on your stomach.

"You're a great cook." You say jokingly, motioning for me to clear the table. "Load the dishwasher and we'll put this table to good use… although playing Scrabble with a lawyer is probably not the best idea I've had all week…"

I can think of so many different ways to put this table to good use… and while I enjoy playing Scrabble, spelling out words across a board with little tiles would probably fail to compare to writing my name across your chest with my tongue…

I laugh, shaking off those thoughts, then start to gather our plates, silverware, and glasses. Dishwasher loaded, I return to find that you are setting up the Deluxe Edition of my absolute favorite game.

"Prepare to have your ass handed to you."

My comment causes you to glance over at me, a smile forming on your lips. You pull out the bag of letters and slide a wooden letter holder over to me.

"I'm older than you, so I get to pick my letters first… oh, and the winner picks what movie we watch tonight." You tell me, reaching into the bag and pulling out seven letters.

I roll my eyes at you as you hand me the bag so that I can pick my letters while you try to figure out what word you are going to put on the board.

After drawing seven of the absolute worst letters you can possibly draw while playing Scrabble, I toss the bag of letters at you and let out a groan.

_Fuck me sideways…_

"That good, huh?" You ask, smiling as you pull a notepad and pen out of the box the game was in so that you can keep score.

I shrug, in no way wanting you to catch on that unless I play off of whatever you put down, I am royally and totally screwed.

"Maybe this will help." You say, and I watch as you begin to place letters on the board.

_Argot?! How the hell do you know what that means?_

"Remind me to call you next time the _Manhattan Muse_ asks for a five letter word for vernacular."

You laugh, and as I glance at the board then at my letters, something jumps out at me.

"I didn't know you liked to do crossword puzzles." You say, adding up your total then writing the number down in the first column of the scoreboard.

It's sad really, the amount of time I spend playing with words. I do it for a living, and then, in my spare time, I do it some more. I wonder if you'll think less of me when you find out that I am the living, breathing definition of the word _geek_…

"A strong vocabulary is important when all you do is talk all day… speaking of which…"

You draw five letters to replace the ones you just put down, and, playing off of your third letter, I spell out my word then look up and smile at you.

"_Gibber_… appropriate coming from you, the one who does it for a living…" You say, adding up my score, then writing it down.

After studying your new letters for a few seconds, you decide to use the A in your first word to spell out your second word.

_Arson?!_

"You are _such_ a cop."

You shrug and toss a beautiful smile my way, then write down the total for your second word. I draw five more letters and let out another groan.

"You're sitting through _Stranger Than Fiction_… when I win… I'm in a Will Farrell mood. And… loser has to pop the popcorn and get refills and wait on the winner for the foreseeable future…" You say, laughing as I scrunch up my nose at your choice of movies.

I could care less what movie I watch as long as I'm with you. Even if I lose this game, I still win… because I'm getting to spend time with you.

"You have to win first… which is _not _going to happen."

I study my letters then look at the board.

"Be right back… it's time for peanut butter fudge and a glass of milk… want some?" You ask, and I nod, still studying my letters and the board.

_Here goes nothing…_

The only word I can spell out is as sexually suggestive as it is short, but I decide to go for it anyway, and, playing off the R in my first word, I spell out my second word.

You return with the small box of fudge squares tucked under your arm, a glass of milk in either hand. I reach out and take the box from you and you sit back down across from me, sliding a glass of milk my way.

Glancing at the board, your eyes go wide for a split second before your lips turn up into a smile.

"Who was is that said that it's better to give than to receive?" You ask playfully, and I feel myself start to blush as I focus on opening the box and reaching in to grab a piece of fudge.

_What on earth possessed me to use THAT word?_

I look at my second word, and I start laughing.

"Mind in the gutter?"

You shrug, reaching into the box and pulling out a square of fudge. I watch as you take a small bite, closing your eyes and letting out a low moan. You open your eyes and look into mine.

"I think of one thing and one thing only when I hear the word _oral_, Alex." You confess, and I feel a scorching wave of desire wash over my entire body as you pop the rest of your fudge into your mouth with a smile.

I grab the bag of letters, drawing out three, as I try to focus on not choking on the fudge. I think I'm starting to realize why you're a regular at that bakery, and as I reach for my second piece, you laugh.

"I'm addicted to chocolate… it's my only weakness."

My confession causes you to laugh even louder, and as you study the board, you shake your head at me.

"Your _only_ weakness, huh? So… nothing else gets to you?" You pose your question as you begin to spell out your third word.

I watch as your first word helps you to form your third word.

_Ersatz?! God, woman, where have you been all my life?!_

I have to admit that not only am I impressed right now, I'm more than a little turned on. Not only are you absolutely gorgeous, you're intelligent, and you're squaring off against me and showing no signs of backing down.

"Well, chocolate is my only food-related weakness… there are other things that get to me. I just try not to let it show. I was raised to believe that weakness is a disadvantage."

Once again, you are drawing more letters, only this time, the smile that was on your face just seconds ago has disappeared, and the look that is on your face now can only be described as pensive. I study you closely, and I can't help but get the feeling that I said something wrong.

"Weakness is only a disadvantage when you can't trust the one you're with enough to be vulnerable around them. I wasn't raised to believe this, but experience has taught me that it's almost never a good idea to let my guard down." You say, and I can tell from your tone that wherever you are in your mind right now is not a good place to be.

For some reason, I feel a little out of place, feel as if by being here, like this, with you… I'm intruding in some way.

"Do you trust me?"

I sound as insecure as I feel, but for the first time in a long time, I don't care. I don't care that I sound insecure, and I don't care if you see through my insecurities and past the barriers and walls that I hide behind.

"I let my guard down around you… without even having to try. It takes effort… most of the time… But it's different with you." Your words are barely above a whisper, and when you softly add the last sentence, if I wasn't reading your lips, I'm not sure that I would know what you were saying at all. "I'm scared of what I feel for you."

You look up and into my eyes, your focus no longer on the game.

Your confession steals my breath, and for a moment, all I can do is remain silent, taken aback by the sheer honesty I hear in your tone and see in your eyes.

"You don't have to be."

I watch as you put all the letters that were on the board back into the bag of letters. You put the game back into the box, then you reach over and grab my letters and the wooden holder they were resting in.

"I'm not in the mood for Scrabble anymore… and I think I'm too tired to sit through a movie…" You say, carrying the board game into the living room. "I'm actually thinking that I might go ahead and go to bed…" You add, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.

_Ugh... I have the Brown disease... everything I touch turns to shit..._

I watch as you open your entertainment center to slide Scrabble back into its spot on top of Monopoly and next to Risk. The grunt you let out as you stand back up after bending over doesn't go unnoticed by me, but I decide not to call you on it.

"Well, you do need to get some rest… Is there any room for an assistant district attorney in that bed of yours, detective? Or were you planning on making me take the couch?"

You turn around, flashing me a brilliant smile.

I watch as you walk over to the bag from the bakery and pull out a white paper bag of cookies. The key lime pie gets put in the refrigerator, and under your breath, you whisper something that sounds mysteriously like '_you're next'_…

I chuckle to myself, watching as you turn around to face me, holding up the bag of cookies in one hand.

"Leave the fudge, grab the milk… and lets go get crumbs in my bed." You say, and gone is the melancholy that I sensed just a moment ago.

_Not the invitation I was looking for, but it will do… for now._

I grab the two glasses of milk and follow you down the hallway, shaking my head at just how far off my fantasies have been from the reality that I find myself faced with now.

I have imagined this night countless times, wondered what the first time in your bed would be like. Most of the time, my fantasy started out with a mutual declaration of love… and all of the time, it ended with visions of a night filled with passionate, torrid lovemaking…

_Ugh… since there is no nudity in my reality, those better be some damn good cookies..._

I shudder, trying to rid myself of the images that were coming to mind, as you pull back the covers and motion for me to get in bed. After walking around to your side of the bed and putting our glasses of milk on your bedside table, I smile at you, knowing that what I do next will probably surprise the hell out of you.

"You might want to move… the time has come to introduce you to the Alexandra Cabot nightly ritual…"

You study me questioningly, stepping away from me. You place the bag of cookies on the bedside table next to our milk, and watch me with a humorous expression on your face.

I back up to your doorway, and I can already feel myself start to blush.

"Before I do this, I want you to solemnly swear that what you are about to witness here and now will forever be a secret between us. The only other person who knows about this… well, my mother… It's a game she started with me when I was young… At thirty-three, why I still do it is anyone's guess… Swear you won't tell, okay?"

You seem amused by my rambling explanation of what you are about to see, which only makes me that much more self conscious.

"You're a lawyer, through and through, Alex… I do solemnly swear that what I witness here and now will be a secret between us. There… you gonna do whatever it is or are we gonna stand here all night?" You ask, and I try my best to glare at you without laughing.

I take a deep breath, take a few long strides, then jump up into the air, pulling my knees up to my chest so that I'm in the form of a ball. My back lands on the mattress, and I bounce up once… twice… then settle into the sheets.

From over my left shoulder, I hear you give into a fit of laughter, and I join you, unable to contain myself.

"You do that every night?" You ask, still laughing as you climb into bed next to me.

I nod, sitting up and getting situated, pulling the covers up over both of us as you get settled in next to me.

"My father was… well, to be perfectly honest… he's the one I get my all business, very little personality from… Anyway, his rules didn't allow a child to be a child, and my mother hated it. So, one night, when I was about five or six, she came up with this stupid little game for me to play. She told me that I had been a grown up all day, so at night, it was time to end the day as a child… I know it sounds stupid, but there are days that I go without laughing until I get a running start and cannonball into my bed…"

You seem to hang on my every word, and the look of compassion and understanding I see in your eyes comforts me. I smile at you, and without having to be prompted, you share a small piece of yourself with me.

"My mom had her moments… she's the one I got my sweet tooth from. I'd come home from school, tired and not in the mood to do my homework. I was never in the mood to do homework. I always wanted to be outside, riding my bike or getting into fights. Well, anyway... my mom would make a deal with me… If I'd do my homework, she would bake cookies… or a pie, or a cake… it's a wonder I didn't weigh 300 pounds by the time I was in the second grade.. She wasn't all bad… the bad outweighs the good… but she wasn't all bad…" You tell me, and I'm not sure if you're trying to convince me or if you're trying to convince yourself.

Careful not to hurt you, I snuggle up close to you and let out a long sigh.

"If word of my little cannonball routine gets out, I will know that my mother has not said a word, and not only I will hold you personally responsible for any humiliation that I suffer, but I reserve the right to seek justifiable retribution in any way that I see fit… Now pass me a damn cookie."

Once again, you are laughing, and as you reach for the bag of cookies, I laugh along with you.

"Are you always so demanding?" You ask, as we both sit up, cookies and milk in hand.

I toss you my best _what-do-you-think? _look, and you laugh as we both take a bite out of our cookies.

_Well, I guess if sex isn't on the menu… chocolate is the next best thing…_


	10. I Like You

Disclaimer: Not mine, but that hasn't stopped me yet…

A/N1: Baseball. It's a passion and an addiction of mine… just like fanfic… so, I thought, what the hell? Why not combine the two… here's the result… A lot of this is conversation, some introductory, _getting to know you _stuff… I honestly feel the need for them to get to know each other. Then, the getting to _know _each other will take place… Just be patient. You know that the sex will be hot and worth the wait… Always is, isn't it?

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Two cookies and a glass of milk later, I find myself watching in utter amazement as you pop the last bite of your fourth cookie into your mouth. You down the last little bit of milk in your glass, then smile, letting out a satisfied sigh.

"Mmm, good, huh?" You say, taking my now empty glass out of my hand and placing it next to yours on the bedside table.

I watch as you ball up the bag the cookies were in and toss it into a small trashcan across the room.

"Wow, I'm impressed…"

You arch an eyebrow in question at my comment.

"By my cookie consuming abilities or my trashcan basketball skills?" You ask, smiling as you move around under the covers.

I return your smile.

"Both, I guess."

As you wiggle around even more, I'm starting to get the impression that, if I want to get any sleep tonight, maybe I should take the couch.

"You are going to be one hell of a bad bedfellow…"

My observation causes you to laugh, but not to still your movements.

"I'm taking my pants off." You explain, pulling your sweatpants out from under the covers and tossing them onto the floor.

I know that the smile I'm wearing is smug, can feel the arrogance in it as it forms.

"Well, aren't we presumptuous…"

The look on your face is priceless, a mixture of _'oh, shit…' _and '_how do I get myself in these situations?'_, and as you begin to turn a lovely shade of pink, I laugh.

"Honestly, this isn't how I usually sleep… I'm actually still a little overdressed." You rather sheepishly confess, and it is now my turn to blush.

I'm not going there. My body wants to, but I my mind knows better. If I can't have you naked and do amazing things to that incredible body of yours, what's the point in torturing myself by picturing you sprawled out across the bed, your lithe form and long limbs on display? What's the point in imagining you slowly rolling over, bare breasts coming into view, as you motion for me to join you… oh, hell…

When it comes to you, my mind has always ventured into ardent territory without my permission, and I have to put forth effort in reigning in my passionate thoughts of you.

"I usually sleep in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt… always have…"

You laugh at my little revelation, and judging by the playful expression that is on your face, you're about to make fun of me.

"Are they pink with hearts and flowers and other girly shit on 'em?" You ask, stilling laughing at me.

_Is that what you think of me? How you see me? God… you couldn't be more wrong…_

I mimic your actions, squirming around and wiggling until I have rid myself of your sweatpants. I toss them onto the floor next to yours and offer you a small smile.

"Actually, I sleep in Red Sox pajama bottoms. No hearts, no flowers, no _girly shit_… Just blasphemy in the eyes of most New Yorkers."

Your eyes go wide, and I can tell that I have obviously struck a nerve.

"You're a damn Red Sox fan?! Ugh! This changes everything… You should probably leave." You say, your tone doing very little to reveal whether or not you are joking. "Well, maybe not leave… but at least take the couch so that I don't catch your strand of crazy." You add, smirking.

I would hit you, but I think you've had enough shit stomped out of you for one day, so I settle for rolling my eyes.

"So you're a Yankees fan?"

You nod, and I turn up my nose.

"What?! You act like that comes as a big surprise to you. I'm a New Yorker, baby, through and through. It's in my blood… Cut me, and I bleed Yankee." You say, reaching behind you to adjust your pillow.

I reach out to help you and you sit up just a little, pointing at the pillow then at your lower back.

"My grandfather used to take me to Fenway… None of the other grandchildren got to go. Everyone knew I was his favorite. Besides, my best friend in college was from Boston. I was never really all that interested in baseball until he came around. Matt is a Red Sox fan, and he settled down with a Yankees fan… so don't give up on us just yet."

You smile at me as you settle back down, trying to make yourself as comfortable as possible.

"Maybe we could get together sometime to watch the Yankees dirty up the Sox… You and Matt on one side of my living room, me and his wife on the other." You say jokingly, and this time, injury be damned, you get popped lightly on the shoulder.

"If that's the way it's got to be, then that's the way it's going to be… Me and Matt versus you and Eric… Matt's gay… Broke my mother's heart when I told her. Apparently, I'm a gay man magnet. Every guy I brought around my mother, in her less than humble opinion, was _'the one'_ for me… too bad they had already met their Mr. Right."

Your laughter reaches your eyes, causing them to shine a little brighter than normal, and I draw in a deep breath, smiling as I observe you closely.

Your hair is slightly disheveled, and at the length it is now, it keeps getting in your eyes. I watch as you jut your bottom lip out to control the breath you use to blow the strands that are bothering you out of your face.

"How long have you known that you were…" You let your voice trial off, motioning between the two of us, and I catch your drift immediately.

I've never really talked about this with anyone. My mother only knows of my choice, not the when, why, or how I arrived at it. Matt and I have been friends for years, and we have only talked about it once; as I had long suspected, I received nothing but his support and understanding. For some reason, I feel comfortable talking about this with you, so I decide to open up once more.

"Her name was Rebecca Wellington. I was about to turn sixteen, and she had come home from college to spend the summer with her parents. She wasn't the first girl I kissed, but she was the one that counted. Late at night, I'd sneak out my window and meet her in our pool house. We were careful, most of the time… but one afternoon, we got caught, and after my mom threatened to tell her parents, I didn't see her again. Looking back on it, I think that she meant more to me than I did to her… I put it behind me until I went to college, where I met the lust of my life. All she was to me and all she wanted from me was sex. I wasn't exactly looking for a commitment, so it worked for both of us. Word of our illicit affair got back to my mother, so naturally, she sat me down and we had a long talk about the meaning of the word discretion… I made peace with who I am a long time ago, and my mother, after years of trying to change me, has more or less come to terms with the fact that her daughter is a lesbian… Okay, so maybe she hasn't exactly come to terms with it, but she's not throwing men my way anymore, so that's a start… what about you? When did you know?"

The whole time I was talking, your eyes were locked on mine, but upon hearing my question, you avert your gaze for a brief period of time before looking back up at me.

"Ah, I think I always kinda knew… I'd be out playing baseball or fighting with the guys in my neighborhood, then, when they were nowhere around, I was rounding second base with some of their sisters… I was eleven when I kissed Andrea Janowski. She giggled and told her older sister, Claire, who would later go on to become my first real girlfriend in high school. She was a senior. When you're a freshman, and a senior is making a pass at you? Well, suffice it to say that she ended up being my first… She left for college, and throughout high school, I dated a few guys, even fell in love with one of them when I was sixteen. He was older, in college, and could provide me with an escape from my home life… It didn't work out between us… Until a few years ago, I actually thought I was bisexual… Turns out, not so much. I prefer the company of a woman, both in and out of the bedroom. I don't shout it from the rooftops, but I don't deny it. If asked, I'm honest… but mostly, no one has asked." You tell me, your eyes still shining brightly as you reach out and take my hand in yours.

The feel of your finger tips exploring the palm of my hand sends a shudder throughout my entire body.

"I wanted to ask… I wanted to ask you out."

My confession slips past my lips all too easily, and I feel myself start to grow warm all over. Your proximity does little to help me garner my self control, and as you continue to stroke my palm, I bite my bottom lip to stifle a moan.

"I would have said yes." You tell me, your words washing over me in cool, comforting waves, but their coolness does nothing to extinguish the fire I feel burning in me.

When you lean closer to me, I can no longer resist the urge to press my lips to yours, and so I close the gap between us.

My lips brush against yours softly, the light contact causing me to crave more, and as I slide my body closer to yours, I feel your hand leave mine and find its way to the small of my back. Careful not to put all of my weight on you, I allow you to pull me closer to you, until our bodies are touching as we kiss. You open your mouth to me, and instantly, my tongue glides over yours and into your mouth, my desire to know you and be known by you so strong that it is almost tangible. Fervently, you kiss me, and I pour every ounce of what I feel for you into kissing you back until we are having to pull away from each other, both of us gasping for air.

"Better than I imagined…"

I hear myself pant, doing my best to calm my racing heart and to catch my breath. I try not to blush at my admission, but fail. Some things should be kept to yourself, and the fact that I have spent countless hours fantasizing about kissing you, touching you, and making love to you? That's something I should probably keep to myself… at least for a little while…

"What is?" You ask, equally breathless, drawing in a deep breath then letting it out slowly.

I fall backwards, sinking into the bed next to you, smiling like a damn moron.

"Kissing you…"

I roll onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow so that I can study your reaction to what I have just said.

"Oh, yeah? What were you expecting?" You ask, one eyebrow arched, as you slowly reposition yourself so that we can look into each others eyes.

I take a few seconds to formulate a response, then, still smiling, I say the only thing I could come up with, hoping that I don't come across as completely inarticulate.

"Not… _that_."

You return my smile, reaching out to tuck an unruly strand of my hair behind my ear. Instead of allowing your hand to go back to resting on your side, you cup my face, allowing your thumb to glide over my lips, tracing them and feeling their fullness.

"You're so beautiful..." You tell me, your eyes full of a sincerity, an openness that takes me by surprise.

You continue to run your thumb across my lips, and I close my eyes, finding it impossible to look into your eyes while you touch me so intimately for fear that you will look into mine and see how bad I want you, see how I so willingly surrender to the effect your touch has on me.

Your thumb leaves my mouth only to be replaced by your lips, and you kiss me slowly and thoroughly. As my bare legs tangle with yours, I feel your hand slip under my t-shirt, running from my hip to the small of my back.

I want to touch you, to feel the warmth of your body beneath my fingertips, to memorize your every dip, swell, and curve. I want you, in every sense of the word…

You pull back a little, so that our lips are mere inches apart, and rest your forehead against mine.

"I like you." You whisper, slightly out of breath.

I can't help but smile, can't help but feel like a teenager with a crush.

"I can tell."

And I can. Your touch, your kiss… they leave very little to question.

"I like you… a lot." You confess, finding your voice this time, your tone deeper than usual, full of longing and desire.

I press my lips to yours in a brief kiss.

"The feeling is more than mutual."

What I can only describe as a shit-eating grin is now on your face, and you cock your head to the side.

"So… you really like me?" You ask, and I just nod.

Why you find the fact that I like you to be so unbelievable, I will never know. I guess you've never stopped to look at who you are as a person, never taken the time to realize that you are an amazing woman… and apparently, you never look into any of the mirrors you own…

"I like you. _Like_, as in… I'm fond of you, I enjoy spending time with you… and I more than appreciate the way you fill out a pair of jeans… Is further clarification needed?"

You shake your head and laugh at my comment, blushing a little.

"I'm inclined to believe that you think I look better out of those jeans than I do in them. Am I right?" You ask, and for the second time tonight, you get popped playfully. "I mean," you continue, laughing, "I _saw_ you checking me out… Not that I mind or anything…"

I could act like I have no idea what you're talking about, but where's the fun in that? I'd rather flirt a little, maybe get you to turn a little redder…

"I've always wondered if you were the commando type…"

_Mission accomplished._

Your face takes on a beautiful shade of crimson, and I laugh as you grab a pillow to hide behind.

"You're horrible." Your muffled comment does little to deter my teasing, and I can't help but laugh as I reach out to pull the pillow away from you.

You refuse to let go, and so I tug with all my might. When you finally let go, you wince and you grab your side, your features twisting in pain.

"Liv?! Oh, God… Liv, are you okay? I'm so sorry…"

You nod, trying to sit up, and I reach out to help you but then draw back, not sure if I should help you or not.

"I forgot about that asshole putting me through a table… you'd think that would be something I'd remember, huh?" You ask playfully, downplaying the fact that you are now in pain… and that it's my fault.

I hang my head, sliding away from you, putting some distance between us so that I don't hurt you again.

"I'm sorry…"

I look up to find you motioning for me to come to you, and when I hesitate, you reach out for me.

"C'mere." You tell me, patting the bed next to you. "I'm okay… just moved wrong, that's all…"

I carefully settle in next to you, and you wrap your arms around me then kiss me on top of the head.

I close my eyes and let out a sigh.

"I owe Elliot an apology."

I open my eyes and position myself in your arms so that I can look into your eyes. You smile at me, kiss my forehead, then tighten your hold on me.

"I don't know why you did it, but you handed him his ass. That third grader line was hilarious… And I bet it's still ringing in his ears.." You say, laughing, then you let out a yawn.

I groan.

_Oh, yeah… the third grader comment… as good a line as it was, it was totally uncalled for…_

"I was upset about you getting hurt. And that… that _ass_ just made some joke about you getting stabbed with a nail file. He acted like it wasn't a big deal… you getting hurt _is_ a big deal to me… Where the hell was he? Why did he let you get slammed through a table? And why did he make a joke about it?"

You take some time to think before answering my questions.

"It's not something I expect you to understand… but that's how we deal with things. All of us laughed when Fin took a left hook and got knocked flat of his ass by a drag queen a few weeks ago. Munch went from being propositioned to being clocked by a pro this week once she made him for a cop… The next day, Elliot and I filled his locked with condoms and taped a _safety first _sign to the outside of it. We do what we have to do to get through the day. We know that we could get hurt, and every morning that we get up and put our shields on, we know it could be our last… We just choose not to focus on it. Elliot makes light of me getting hurt for the same reason I pick on him when he gets roughed up… we can't stand to think about something happening to one of us. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it does make what we have to do a little easier…" You explain, and I bury my face in your shoulder and close my eyes, allowing myself to be held by you, to feel safe in your arms.

Sometimes, I hate your job. I love what you do, that you're so passionate and so committed to fighting for every victim that you meet, to fighting for justice… I love what you do, but I hate that in doing it, you are put in danger day after day. Each new case that comes in could be your last, and I know it… and it scares the hell out of me.

"I'll apologize."

I relax in your arms, snuggling up as close to you as I can get. I feel a yawn coming and do absolutely nothing to stifle it.

"You're tired, and so am I…You can worry about the whole handing Elliot his ass thing later. He's Elliot. He'll be pissed for a few days, but he'll get over it. Lets just get some sleep, okay?" You say, and I feel you shift a little as you try to get settled.

I take a deep breath then let it out slowly.

"Good night."

I carefully wrap my arm around your waist.

"Yeah… g'night." You say sleepily, and I smile.

Something tells me that I'm going to sleep good tonight for the first time in a long time…


	11. Yours

Disclaimer: _I wish…_ The only thing that's mine in this chapter is Charlie...

A/N: About how many dates should Olivia and Alex go on before they get to _know_ one another? I have a _don't-put-out-til-round-three _rule that I never go against, but I don't know about these two… I could draw it out or have them naked in a chapter or two… it's your call… so let me know! Thanks, and enjoy…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

I stretch, opening my eyes to find that, once again, I fell asleep with my glasses on. One would assume, incorrectly, that I would be a little more careful with a thousand dollar pair of Calvin Kleins. I own about half a dozen different pairs of glasses. If I'm not breaking them, I'm losing them. I keep a pair in my office at all times, and throughout most of the rooms in my apartment, a pair of glasses can be found.

Noticing that you are no longer next to me, I sit up and stretch once more. Glancing at the alarm clock on your bedside table, I am informed that it's ten after seven. The smell of coffee has me tossing off covers and slipping out of bed, making my way to your kitchen.

I don't bother to put on the sweatpants you let me borrow last night, opting for the just t-shirt and panties look.

_I wonder if you're a leg woman…_

I guess I'm about to find out.

I stroll down your hallway and into your kitchen, only to be greeted by not one, but two familiar faces.

You are seated at the kitchen table, newspaper spread out in front of you, cup of coffee in hand. You have showered and pulled on a tank top and a pair of jeans. Your hair is still wet and your feet are bare.

Elliot is propped up against your kitchen counter, and until his eyes met mine, he was wearing a smile. Aside from the fact that his tie really doesn't match that shade of blue, he looks as clean cut and serious as ever. The fact that his badge and gun are in place tells me that he has stopped by on his way in to work.

"G'morning." You say, offering me a small smile as you look me over. "Coffee's ready if you want some… and Elliot brought bagels." You add, then go back to reading whatever article you were reading, putting your coffee cup down.

I know he's going to ask you about this later, grill you on why I walked out of _your_ bedroom wearing _your_ NYPD t-shirt and little else. I also know that you will tell him that it's none of his business… which will only make things worse.

"So, yeah, anyway, Liv, I just wanted to check on you. I didn't hear from you last night… for _some_ reason.. and you know Cragen's gonna ask about you as soon as I walk in… had to have something to tell Dad…" Elliot says, picking up his coffee cup and taking a sip before he continues. "You're supposed to be… ah, well… I thought you were gonna be _resting_."

His gaze goes to his shoes for a few seconds before finally coming back up to rest on you.

I was born at night, but it wasn't _last_ night… I know exactly what he's insinuating.

"She's in good hands, detective."

Behind his cup of coffee, he tries to hide his smirk.

"Yeah… I bet she is…" He mumbles, his eyes bright and his head probably full of images that he's too polite and too Catholic to ever mention.

I walk over to stand behind you and, noticing that your coffee cup is now empty, I claim it as my own and walk over to pour me a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Cabot… you forget to put your pants on?" Elliot asks, and from behind me I hear you swear at him under your breath.

I ignore him, adding sugar and a little creamer to my coffee.

I turn around just in time to watch as you fold then hurl _The Times _at him. He just laughs, then bends over to pick up the newspaper.

"Out. Now…" You say, standing up and walking over to him, grabbing him by the arm and tugging him over towards the door. "You've had your coffee. I have my bagels… Worked out well for everyone, didn't it? Out, Elliot."

He opens the door, laughing, and you shove him playfully out into the hallway. Snatching the newspaper away from him, you hit him with it a few times, both of you laughing.

"I could call the Cap… have him organize a search party… you know, for those missing pants…" He says, still laughing, which earns him a door slammed in his face.

You lock the door then turn around to face me, grinning as you head my way.

"Sorry about that… he doesn't mean anything by it… he's just… being Elliot?" Your explanation comes out as more of a question, and I just smile.

I take a sip of my coffee, walking into your living room and sitting down on the couch.

"Want to do the crossword together?"

You nod and head over to sit down next to me, flipping through a few sections of the newspaper until you find the crossword puzzle.

"Sure." You say, your eyes never leaving my legs.

I smile to myself, uncrossing them at the ankle then crossing them slowly at the knee.

"We're going to need a pen."

I take a long, slow sip of my coffee.

"Oh, yeah… right." You say, somewhat distractedly, as you lean up and pull the drawer of the coffee table open to retrieve a pen.

I offer you the rest of my coffee, which you readily accept, and I take the crossword and the pen from you.

"Frigid poet…"

_Robert Frost._

"Frost." You tell me, and I smile, a little surprised that you know anything about poetry.

I scribble the answer in and then call out the next few clues, which are met by answers from you. We are on an impressive roll until I get to forty one across.

"Scrimmage, five letters in the word we're looking for, fourth letter has to be an E…"

_Mêlée._

You wrinkle up your nose in concentration, and I just smile, filling in the answer then handing you the crossword and the pen.

"My half of the puzzle is complete."

You look at forty one across and laugh.

"You _mêlée_ enough for the both of us… okay, next clue… To inhabit, also name of magazine." You say, lifting your foot and touching your toe to one of the magazines on the coffee table in front of us. "That one's easy enough… _Dwell_."

You write in the answer as I lean forward and pick up this month's issue.

"You subscribe to _Dwell_?"

I don't know why, but this little tidbit of information about you surprises me.

"What self-respecting, stylish _do-it-yourself _lesbian doesn't?" You ask, your smile widening as I just shrug. "And to further the stereotypes… Melissa Etheridge? I own all of her CD's… I look amazing in a tool belt, and I have a pair of Doc Martens in black and brown…"

I'm almost certain that some of the reasons behind why the image of you in nothing but a tool belt turns me on are probably grounds for a free consultation with Huang.

"Speaking of tool belt… something in my apartment is broken. Want to come fix it?"

You cock your head to the side, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Depends on what it is, I guess." You tell me, having obviously not caught on to what I'm up to just yet.

I wink at you.

"I don't know. I haven't broken it yet… but once I do, I'll call you… and you can come over to fix it…"

We both laugh, and as I flip through the magazine, you call out clue after clue until we have finally finished the crossword puzzle.

"You wanna grab a shower? Or were you thinking about maybe heading to your place or something?" You sound a little unsure of yourself.

I can tell that you want me to stay, but I can also tell that you're not exactly sure if that's what I want to do.

"Actually, I was thinking that maybe you could stay with me tonight."

_Why the hell am I so nervous about this? It's not like we didn't spend last night together… What if she doesn't want to spend the night with me? What if she just wants to be alone… or with someone else? What if…_

You interrupt my internal line of questioning.

"Okay, yeah… that'll work. Go put some pants on and grab your stuff. We can grab a bagel on our way out." You tell me, standing up and heading into your bedroom.

_That didn't take a lot of convincing…_

I follow you and watch as you grab a duffle bag out of your closet.

"I'm ready… I keep an overnight bag packed… so does Elliot." You say, pointing at another duffle bag. "We never know when we're gonna need it. He has one here, I have one at his place. We just stop by whichever place is closer… Two changes of clothes, toiletries, and an extra cell phone charger… Life of a cop.. glamorous, huh?"

I just smile, and when you hand me a bag to put my stuff in, it occurs to me that the only shoes I have are a black pair of three inch heels.

"Shit."

Your question comes in the form of a raised eyebrow.

"I am _not _wearing heels with sweatpants…"

My explanation causes you to laugh, then you reach into your closet and pull out a pair of black and silver Nike's. It shouldn't, but for some reason, it surprises me that we wear the same size shoes.

"I want those back." You say playfully, and I laugh.

Slipping my feet into them, I can tell why you feel the need to stake your claim. They are comfortable, perfect for running…

"You can have the sweatpants and the shoes back… but this shirt is mine."

_Like you should be…_

You shrug, and once I have put my suit and heels from yesterday into the bag you handed me, you flash me a smile and motion for me to come to you.

"I didn't get a good morning kiss." You say, letting the duffle bag in your hand hit the floor with a thud.

I shake my head.

"And you're not going to… I have coffee breath."

My protest falls on deaf ears.

"So do I… and I don't care if you don't…" You tell me, pulling me into your arms.

_Who am I to argue with that?_

You press your lips to mine in a sweet kiss, and, once again, I am overwhelmed by the sensations that spread throughout my entire body. Just your lips brushing against mine in a simple kiss makes a wave of longing roll through me.

When you pull away from me, I rest my forehead against yours and close my eyes.

"I could get used to this…"

The whispered truth slips out, but, for the first time in a long time, I don't regret my having been honest.

"So could I." You confess, and I can't help but open my eyes so that I can look into yours.

You smile at me then press your lips to mine once more.

My stomach picks the most inopportune times to inform me that it is empty, and at its insistent rumble, you pull away again and start laughing.

_Damn._

"You mentioned bagels?"

After grabbing a pair of black socks out of your top drawer, you grab your duffle bag and lead the way into the kitchen.

"Blueberry, cheese, plain… two of each. Elliot is nothing if not a creature of habit. His predictability is one of the things I love about him the most. When you've been partners as long as El and I have, you're able to predict each others actions… We try not to second guess each other, and sometimes, it's almost as if we can read each others minds.."

Duffle bag slung over your shoulder, you pick up the bag of bagels and walk over to the coffee table to grab your keys and cell phone.

"That's what makes you guys the dynamic duo… It's uncanny, the way you two play off of one another… but it gets the job done, and I have come to trust your instincts and Elliot's gut. I didn't know what to think of the two of you when I was first assigned to SVU… I assumed that you two were sleeping together."

While I was talking, I watched as you clipped your badge in place and attached your gun to your belt.

"I think that at one time or another, everyone was under the impression that we were sleeping together… Kathy had a problem with us spending so much time together until I pulled her aside and explained that _she_ was more my type than her husband. We had a laugh about it, and two weeks later, Elliot and I are having lunch, when out of nowhere, he says, 'You know, you could have just told me that you're a lesbian.' After that, he never really said anything else about it, but I know that he loves me for who I am, and that he wants me to be happy." You say, sitting down on the edge of the couch to put on your socks and a pair of black boots.

_Absolutely no doubt about it… you have got to be one of New York's __**finest **__finest…_

When you are done, you stand up then grab your coat and mine off of the back of the couch.

"I'm ready if you are." You announce, and I just look you over, watching the muscles of your toned arms ripple and dance beautifully as they move.

I nod and, on the way out of your apartment, I grab my briefcase.

After you hail a cab and I give the driver my address, you hold up the bag of bagels and flash me a smile.

"You're the cheese bagel with cream cheese type, aren't you?"

At my question, you laugh, and, even though I have no idea how I did it, I know I have you pegged.

"And you're the weird one, the blueberry with strawberry cream cheese type… am I right?" You ask, reaching into the bag and pulling out your bagel, some cream cheese, and a plastic spoon.

You hand me the bag and I put on my best _you just insulted me _face.

"Did you just call me weird?"

Nodding, you don't offer me an apology, tossing a lop-sided grin my way instead.

"You're just… one of those… _fruity _girls. You probably even have fruit flavored lip gloss. You like those fruit smoothie things, and when we get to your apartment, if I open your fridge, I bet there's at least three different kinds of fruit in there… Tell me I'm wrong." You say, your tone one of playful challenge.

_Strawberries, peaches, kiwi, grapes, pears, and oranges… _

I mentally run down the list of what I know is in my refrigerator and roll my eyes.

_Damn. How do you do that?_

"Since when is eating healthy a crime?"

I watch as you spread cream cheese onto your bagel, your lips turning up into a satisfied grin once you have managed to complete the task without making too much of a mess.

"It's not… All I'm saying is that you're more health conscious than I am. Other than Lido's and China Wok, I live off of goldfish, trail mix, and cereal. I love to cook, so occasionally, I fix myself a decent meal… but other than that, I just eat whatever I can find. It's no fun cooking for one, you know? I just don't see the point of going through all the trouble to cook something for just me…" You tell me, then you turn your attention to your breakfast, sinking your teeth into your bagel.

I pull out a blueberry bagel, a small container of strawberry cream cheese, and a spoon.

"Anytime you're in the mood to cook, let me know. I'll join you, but I won't help you cook. With the exception of my mother, Cabot women are born lacking culinary skills. I survive off of fruit and salads. It would require a lot of effort to set those on fire…"

You laugh at my admission, and I glare at you playfully.

"So should I be helping you with that?" You say, still laughing, pointing at my bagel.

_Smart ass_.

"I think I can manage."

We eat in comfortable silence, and once we pull up in front of my apartment building, you reach into your pocket and pull out a few bills, leaning up and handing them to our driver.

"Thanks, Olivia… your tips keep my from starving." The driver says, and you just smile at him. "I'll help you guys with your bags if you want me to…" He offers, putting his car in park and killing the engine.

Once the three of us are out of the cab, the young guy takes both of our bags and motions for one of us to lead the way.

"Oh, ah… Charlie, this is my friend, Alex…" You say, and he puts a bag down and extends his hand.

After we shake hands, he grabs the duffle bag once more and I motion for him to follow me into the building.

"Nice to meet you, Alex… and, ah, can I just say… _wow_…" He says, looking from me to you, a goofy grin on his face.

You pop him behind the head and he just laughs.

"Mind outta the gutter, huh? Oh, and speaking of mind… that psych grade up yet?" You ask him, and I notice that he winces.

We step into the elevator and I press a button, smiling, wondering, not for the first time, if your way with people is a skill that you have developed or if it just comes naturally. If I had to guess, I would say that it probably just comes naturally to you. Your genuine concern for people is one of the things that makes you such an amazing person.

"You know I suck at that shit. People are just fucked up, you know? Not everything can be categorized or easily referenced. Not every sick bastard has some kind of disorder. Some people are just sick fucks, you know? I'm at least _passing_ the class now… thanks for the help… and the pizza…" He says, then turns to me and adds, "My dad's a real asshole. He kicked me out, so I was living on the streets when I got busted for breaking and entering at her favorite bakery… I had to eat, you know? Anyway, she gets the charges dropped, gets me a job, and takes me under her wing. She feeds me, and sometimes, I crash at her place… to stay out of trouble… when some of the guys I stay with want to party or whatever. She's the reason I wanna be a cop…"

I smile at him, and when the elevator doors slide open, we head down the hallway and to my apartment.

"Keep your grades up this semester and that bike is yours." You tell him, and his eyes light up.

Once we are at my apartment, I unlock my door, and motion for him to step inside so that he can put our bags down.

"Holy shit! Who died and left you loaded?!" He asks, and I can't help but laugh.

You roll your eyes at him then smile at me.

"Here, take these and get the hell outta here. Your ass is still on the clock." You tell him, handing him the bag of bagels before you reach out to mess up his hair.

"It was nice meeting you, Alex… hold on to this one… Later, Olivia!" He says, grabbing the bag then sprinting towards the elevator.

Before stepping in, he tosses a wave our way then disappears.

"He seems like a good kid."

You smile, and I can tell by the look on your face that he means a lot to you.

"He is… he's just had a rough life. All he needed was someone to give him a chance." You say, your voice full of emotion.

I reach out and take you by the hand.

"You see yourself in him, don't you?"

You nod but remain silent. When I look into your eyes, I find that they are full of pain, filled with an ache that I have never seen before. You close your eyes and let out a sigh before you speak.

"I know what it's like to have no one. My mother was never around, and when she was… well, it's not like you can rely on an alcoholic for anything. I don't even know my dad… Until I met Elliot, I didn't really have any family. Charlie needs someone he can come to, even if all he needs is someone who will listen. He's got so much potential… I just hope he puts it to good use. I know how hard it is to not have much going for you…" When you open your eyes, the ache that was visible just seconds ago is hidden once again.

Wrapping my arms around your waist, I place a soft kiss on your lips.

"You have me…"

The promise in those words hangs between us, and you smile sheepishly at me.

"So… you're mine… as in…?" Your words are cut short by my lips being pressed against yours, and you respond instantly.

This kiss is passionate, full of promise, and as your tongue swirls around mine, I find it impossible to stifle the moan that rises up in me. One of my hands finds its way to your shoulder, my fingertips coming in contact with warm, smooth skin that I long to explore. My other hand is behind your head, my fingers tangled up in your hair, and as the kiss deepens, you pull me into you, and a low moan rolls from you and through me.

When we pull away from each other, I am panting heavily, but I somehow manage to answer the question you didn't quite have a chance to ask me.

"I'm yours…"

_I have been yours for so long…_


	12. Questions & Answers

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a lot of romantic notions and a strong desire to see Olivia and Alex together.

A/N1: Leave it to Alex to approach a relationship like she approaches everything else- with finesse and candor. She knows what she wants, and I'm fairly certain that she knows how to go about getting it… In this chapter, Alex and Olivia ask each other a few questions…

A/N2: This chapter is long as hell! I guess a long update makes up for no update, huh? Enjoy, and if you do, please let me know, okay? Reviews fuel my creativity!

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

The look that is on your face right now puts a smile on mine. It's a beautiful blend of confusion, surprise, hope, and disbelief.

"Does that mean…?" You ask, your eyes warm and full of emotion, your tone uneven and giving away your insecurities and uncertainties.

If what you are seeking is clarification, if what you want is for me to come right out and say it, if what you need is for me to spell it out for you…

_Allow me to set the record straight._

"If you're the label type, then what I would like to be is your _girlfriend_…"

I have never been one to dance around the truth. I manipulate it, twist it, bend it, and tweak it, but I never dance around it. I am known for getting to the point. I live in a black and white world, and I see no reason why I should leave something as important as what we mean to each other in a gray area.

"We haven't even been on our first real date yet… Aren't we skipping some steps?" You ask, smiling at me and laughing a little.

_Point taken, and dealt with…_

"If you want to argue technicalities, we have been on several dates, we just neglected to give them their proper title. Besides, I think we've known each other long enough to skip the preconceived formalities that most people just assume must precede the beginning of a relationship."

You cover my lips with your index finger.

"We're not in court, Alex. You don't have to make a case for why we should be together…" You tell me, holding me in your arms, looking into my eyes. "But I would like a chance to take you out on a real date."

I can't help but smile at the thought of going on a date with you. Sure, we've had dinner a few times, even had drinks together after work… but this is different.

"And the label?"

For some reason, I feel the need for you to be mine and for me to be yours. Call it a need for security, call it a desire to stake my claim. Whatever it's called, I know, without a doubt, that I need everything that comes with wearing the _girlfriend _label.

You lean in closer to me so that you can whisper in my ear.

"It's yours to wear… I want you to be my girlfriend." Your softly spoken words bring with them an assurance that floods every fiber of my being, and I lean against you as you tighten your hold on me.

I used to be against what I have just asked of you. I used to want my independence more than I wanted the security found in a relationship. I was content with sex sans commitment, and I relished my freedom and my right to be self-sufficient… Alexandra Cabot had need of no one but Alexandra Cabot…

Until I fell in love with you…

Something about you has me wanting, has me needing to be possessed, to be claimed. My desire for independence is nowhere near as strong as my desire to open up to you, to share who I am with you, to be with you. All of my attempts to be self-sufficient, all the confidence I placed in being autonomous and strong… nothing compares to the deep, insatiable need you make me feel.

"Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?"

I am not the easiest person in the world to love. I can be stubborn, arrogant, strong-willed, and a bit hard to manage at times. I'm used to always getting my way and when I don't, I can be a stone cold bitch. I have trust issues, and it takes a long time for me to open up to anyone. I am known as the _Ice Queen _for a reason… but who I am at work is not who I am.. There is no room for personality in a professional, so who I am in my office and in court paints an inaccurate picture of who I am.

"Do you?" You ask, cupping the side of my face in your hand, your eyes full of the same fear that I feel coursing through me right now.

I don't know everything there is to know about you, but what I see in you, what you have shown me, is enough to convince my heart that you are worth the risk I am about to take. You are not without flaws. I am not so blinded by what I feel for you that I cannot see that you are perfect only in your imperfection. I have seen your weaknesses, but they are far outnumbered by your strengths. I know of your struggles, but they only serve to make you the compassionate, understanding woman I have come to know and love.

"I know that I have strong feelings for you, and that I would like a chance to explore the possibility of there being more than just friendship between us."

You press your lips to mine in an all too brief kiss.

"I'd like that." You say, and I pull you along with me as I backwards step my way through the living room, past the kitchen, and down the hall.

You raise an eyebrow but do not question my actions as I lead us into my bedroom.

"I'm going to grab a quick shower. Why don't you lay down and rest for awhile?"

You nod, and while you stretch out and make yourself comfortable on my bed, I kick off your shoes before walking over to my closet to grab a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Even though I know that the chances of you seeing them are slim to none, I pick out a sexy black bra and panties set out of my top drawer before heading into the bathroom to put my clothes on the shelf.

"Mind if I watch the news?" You ask, TV remote in hand.

I shake my head then walk over to you. Reaching out to touch your chin and the side of your face, I wince at the dark bruise that has appeared.

"I can't believe you took a punch that was meant for me."

I trace the outline of the bruise gently, careful not to cause you any pain.

"I would never let anyone hurt you, Alex… I'll tell you one thing… she's all woman, but she hits like a man." You say, and we both laugh.

_Beauty, brains, brawn… and a sense of humor… _

"I'll be out in a few minutes…"

I bend down and kiss your forehead, and you just smile up at me.

From the doorway of my bathroom, I steal one last glance at you over my shoulder. Turning the TV on and finding the news, you have one arm folded and tucked behind your head and the other one is stretched out beside you.

_You look good in my bed…_

I close the door behind me and pull my new t-shirt over my head. Sweatpants, bra, and panties later, I slide the glass door open and step into the shower. Sliding the door closed, I turn the water on and step into a cascade of warm water.

I run my fingers through my hair, smiling as images of you in nothing but a bra and a pair of boy shorts come to mind.

_Olivia Benson is my girlfriend…_

I grab my bottle of shampoo, fill my palm with the fragrant pink liquid, then lather, rinse, repeat.

_Matt's not going to believe this…_

My best friend is the most amazing man I have ever met. He's honest, loyal, and kind, and whenever I have needed him, he has always been there for me. He's great, he really is, except for that whole matchmaking thing that he and his partner, Eric, like to do.

More than once, they have invited me out for coffee only to have some notorious lesbian friend of theirs just "show up". Talk about obvious. It's one thing to tell someone that you have someone you would like them to meet. It's something completely different just to spring something like that on someone. I'm never rude, but I'm also never interested.

Eric was, and probably still is, convinced that I'm a closet case and that Matt should let me come out of hiding when I feel comfortable doing so. Matt was, and probably still is, convinced that I am some rare new breed of a self-sufficient woman who is single by choice because I am so picky that no one meets my standards.

I have been decidedly single for the last four years. By choice, I have had only casual encounters, choosing to bypass a relationship and the baggage that comes along with sharing your life with someone else.

Until I met you, I was fine with my solitary existence. I went on the occasional date, I had the occasional night of great sex. I had no problem being the only one in my personal space.

The first time I fantasized about you, I was able to write it off because, well… you are every lesbian's fantasy. Tall, dark, and gorgeous in tight jeans and a leather jacket… tough, strong, with beautiful, dark brown eyes…

When you started crossing my mind throughout the day, every day, I dismissed it, citing that it made perfect sense for me to be thinking about you because we work closely together. I could explain thinking about you, but I could never quite explain why, when I thought of you, you were always on top of my desk with my face buried between your thighs…

I tried to dismiss my fantasies as products of an overactive imagination. I tried to convince myself that I simply found you attractive, that my fantasizing about you just meant that I was attracted to you…

The harder I tried to ignore what I felt for you, the stronger it became, until one day, I woke up, and I realized that what I felt for you wasn't just sexual.

I started to wonder what it would be like for you to hold me, kiss me, make love to me… I started to wonder what it would be like to share my life with you, to come home to you every night, to wake up next to you every morning…

I knew then that I had a problem.

Once I have soaped up, scrubbed myself down, then rinsed myself off, I turn off the water, slide the door open, and step out of the shower. I dry myself off and put on my clothes, then towel dry my hair for a few minutes.

When I step out of the bathroom, I stop dead in my tracks.

Standing in front of my full length mirror, you have taken your tank top off and are surveying the damage done by yesterday's events.

"Holy shit…" You hiss, pressing a particularly dark bruise on your side.

I walk up behind you and you turn around to face me.

"Are you in any pain?"

You nod, then walk over to the bed and grab your tank top.

"I'm sore…and I look like hell." You say, pulling your tank top back on before you crawl back into bed. "I like your bed… it's comfortable…"

I smile.

"Glad you like it."

_Hopefully, you'll be spending a lot of time in it…_

"I'd like it a lot more if you were in it with me." You say, flashing me a lop-sided grin.

I crawl into bed and snuggle up close to you.

"Better?"

You roll over onto your side and wrap your arms around me, looking into my eyes and letting out a contented sigh.

"Much." You tell me, leaning in closer to me and taking a deep breath. "Mmm, baby… you smell amazing…"

I reach out and tuck a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, smiling at the term of endearment you just used.

"What would you like to do today?"

From the look in your eyes, I'm pretty sure that if I had to guess what just crossed your mind, I would guess that what you have in mind involves both of us with no clothes on.

"You mean other than you?" You ask, and we both laugh as I roll my eyes.

_So I didn't misinterpret the look in your eyes…_

"How about we play a game of _Top Five_. We each get to ask each other five questions, and to the questions we ask, we have to give our answers to them."

At my suggestion, you smile.

"I haven't played that since I was thirteen… I didn't get a kiss until I had answered all of her questions. I guess there's just _something_ in you lawyer types that makes you really good at asking a lot of questions… You probably know her. Kelly Miller… she's a defense attorney…"

I can't help but laugh.

"Know her? A friend of mine dated her for awhile… Serena Southerlyn doesn't speak very highly of her. When they started dating, I told Serena it would never work… A prosecutor and a defense attorney? They had nothing in common and all they did was argue, but I bet the sex was amazing."

We both laugh, and I decide to keep it to myself that I know for a fact that Kelly is one hell of a good time between the sheets. The whole time Serena was with her, all I heard was that it was the worst relationship but the best sex ever.

_It never ceases to amaze me what a woman will put up with for really great sex…_

"Okay, so go ahead… first question's yours…" You say, and I start thinking about what I should ask you first.

_I guess I'll start out simple._

"What's your favorite color?"

You shrug your shoulders.

"Red, I guess… but I like black too." You tell me, and I am not at all surprised by your answer.

_Her living room… red, black, gray… _

"My favorite color is blue… always has been…. Okay, your turn."

You bite down on your bottom lip while thinking, and I smile at how adorable you look right now.

"Okay… I got one… what's your middle name?" You ask, and I raise an eyebrow.

_**That's**__ the first thing you want to know about me?_

"Cunningham, my mother's maiden name."

You wrinkle up your nose and I laugh.

"I can't really say anything… I was named after my mom too… My name is Olivia Serena Benson… What else do you want to know about me?" You ask, and once again, I find myself trying to come up with a good question to ask you.

_There's so much that I want to know about you…_

"Whenever you have a little free time, what do you do for fun?"

I know how dedicated you are to your work, but there has to be something else that you are passionate about. No one is what they do, so aside from your job, there has to be something that you enjoy doing.

"I'm a movie buff. My DVD collection is massive.. I love to go to the movies. I usually end up dragging Elliot or Fin with me… and I've got a standing date with Munch when anything Sci-Fi comes out. I've even been to a few movies with Casey. What about you?" You ask, and I fight the urge to cringe.

I have nothing against Novak, but I can't help but wonder if you have a thing for ADA's… blonde ADA's…

"I'm an avid reader. I'm as in love with books as you are with movies… The bedroom across from this one is my office, and it's wall to wall to wall of bookcases full of books. I can curl up with a good book and just disappear for awhile…"

I watch as you get up off the bed, your eyes shining brightly as you reach out to me. I stand up and slip my hand into yours.

"If you show me yours now, I'll show you mine next time you're at my apartment.." You say playfully, and I laugh as I lead you across the hall and into my office.

You look around and your eyes go wide.

"All of a sudden, I don't feel so bad about owning over two hundred DVDs." You say, and we both laugh.

I watch as you walk around my office, taking it all in. You smile at me over your shoulder, then continue to explore.

"This my fortress of solitude… I come here to think, to get away from it all."

You walk over and look at the pictures on the mantle above the fire place, and when you get to the one that's in the middle, you pick it up and turn around to ask me about it.

"Who are these guys?" You ask, looking down at a picture that was taken a few years ago.

I walk over and take the picture from you, smiling as I look down into the smiling faces of two of the most important people in my life.

"That's Matt, my best friend."

I point at the handsome, dark haired and dark eyed man that I am proud to call my best friend.

"And that's Eric, the love of his life. This picture was taken at their commitment ceremony. I was Matt's best _man.._. I expected Matt's vows to be amazing. He has always had a way with words… what I wasn't expecting was what Eric said before he slipped the ring onto Matt's finger. There wasn't a dry eye in the place."

I point at the blonde haired, blue eyed guy next to Matt.

"I'd like to meet them." You say thoughtfully, taking the picture from me and putting it back on the mantle.

"You will."

_And they are going to love you…_

We walk over to the couch that I have spent hours on, turning page after page, and you sit down, your back against the arm of the couch, your legs spread out in front of you. You motion for me to sit down between your legs, and once I have, I lean back into you and you wrap your arms around me.

"What kind of music do you listen to?" You ask, and I smile.

_I bet you would never guess this about me…_

"I'm a closet eighties fan. Bon Jovi, The Cure, The Clash, The Cars, Roxette… Matt and Eric used to tease me relentlessly about it, but when I drug them to eighties night at _The Barcode_, they ended up having fun… so they don't tease me as much now. I think they just liked seeing each other in tight acid wash jeans and even tighter tank tops."

You laugh and so do I, and I cover your hands with mine.

"Well, you already know I'm a Melissa Etheridge fan… I listen to U2 a lot, and lately, I've been listening to John Mayer and Jack Johnson. I need lyrics that mean something… the deeper, the better. I get lost in a song the way you probably get lost in a book… Next question…" You tell me and I pick up one of your hands and turn it palm up so that I can trace your love line.

After thinking for a few seconds, I come up with one.

"What's something that no one knows about you?"

You interweave our fingers and I smile at the significance of this simple gesture.

"Before I became a cop, I wanted to be a firefighter." You say without hesitating. "I wanted to do something that helped people… well, that and those trucks are just kick ass…"

Once again we are laughing, and it occurs to me that I haven't laughed this much in months, and that I haven't felt this good in years.

I think for a little while before deciding to give you the answer to the question I asked. Wanting to see the expression on your face, I look over my shoulder and make my confession.

"I hate masturbating."

Your eyes go wide and your mouth falls open.

"Well, I do… it's not like I get a lot out of it…"

Why the hell I decided to tell you what I just told you, I may never know. I feel myself starting to blush, and you just shake your head in disbelief.

I stand up then sit back down Indian style between your legs facing you. A conversation like this requires eye contact.

"Are you sure you're doing it right?" You ask, and I pop your thigh playfully, which causes you to burst out laughing. "I'm just saying… there's an art to it. And there are… _things_… that help." You add, and I find myself searching for something to crawl under.

I cannot believe that I am having this conversation with you.

"I know. I own several… _things_… I just think that masturbation should always be a last resort. An orgasm shouldn't be brought on by something that has a battery in it.."

I simply cannot look you in the eyes and say the word _vibrator_. I have never been shy, and I am not a prude, but for some reason, I am blushing and squirming and acting like a damn idiot.

"I prefer to have a name to call out." You tell me, winking at me, and I feel my face grow even hotter.

I can't help but laugh.

"God, Olivia…"

You interrupt me before I have a chance to finish saying what I wanted to say.

"Yeah… something like that… only I don't call out my own name." You tell me, and we both start laughing.

_A change in subject is in order…_

"In a _blatant_ attempt to change the subject, I would like to point out that it's your turn to ask a question…"

_I just told my girlfriend that I don't like to masturbate. We haven't even been together a day yet and she already knows that I don't like to masturbate?! Oh. My. God…_

"Okay… Do you speak any other languages?" You ask, and I smile, thankful that you are willing to drop the subject.. at least for now.

You reach out and take my hand in yours, once again intertwining our fingers.

"Just what Latin the law requires me to speak… I took French in high school, but only because Amy Montgomery signed up to take it…"

You smile at my admission.

"I speak French, Italian, and Spanish… I took French in high school, made an A. I learned Italian from the boys I played football and baseball with when I was growing up… And Spanish? Well, it was my only B in high school. Lola Gutierrez. I broke a lesbian rule for her… _never fall for a straight girl_…" You tell me, and I find myself wondering how in the world any woman, even a straight one, could turn you down.

_Her loss… Besides, Olivia and Alex sounds better together than Olivia and Lola anyway…_

"What's your favorite food?"

I crawl up next to you and squeeze in between you and the back of my couch.

"Anything Italian. There's a reason Lido's is on speed dial… and you already know that I'm a sugar addict." You tell me, and I snuggle up next to you.

You pull our intertwined hands up to your lips and kiss my knuckles. I smile at the gesture, at the discovery I have made about you…

_Olivia Benson is tactile._

I never would have guessed that you would be this affectionate. It shouldn't surprise me, but it does… in a good way.

"I love fruit… as a meal, a snack.. don't get me wrong, I enjoy the occasional steak, baked potato, and salad when I go out with Serena… but when she's not dragging me to Lucky's Bar and Grill, I'm eating fruit and salads. I go for what's easy, I guess."

I hate eating alone. I get it over with as quick as possible, so a handful of grapes or a peach just seems to be what I go for… maybe having you around will change that…

"What's your favorite part of a woman?" You ask, as I rest my head on your shoulder.

I take a deep breath and breathe you in. Something about the way you smell has always gotten to me, and whenever I can, I stand as close to you as possible. Your scent has a calming, almost surreal effect on me.

"I happen to be a big fan of your ass in denim…"

Something about you in a pair of Levi's just does it for me.

"Why does that not surprise me?" You ask, laughing.

I lean up and smile at you.

"I like that you leave your top three buttons unbuttoned too…"

_I'm just your average, everyday lesbian… a woman with a thing for a woman with a great ass and a nice pair of boobs… if the owner of those hot commodities just so happens to have deep brown eyes, a great sense of humor, an amazing personality, and a big heart? Well, that's just icing to lick off of the cake…_

"If it was up to me, your skirts would be a lot shorter…" You tell me and I just smile, laying my head back down on your shoulder.

The first time I noticed you staring at my legs, I sat on the edge of your desk and purposefully hiked my skirt up a little. The reaction I got from you made the corner of your desk my permanent perch.

"So I guess you have no problem with me forgetting to put my pants on?"

We both laugh.

"You do know that he's not going to let that go, don't you? I mean, you walk out of my bedroom, wearing only my shirt… You know what he was thinking…" You say jokingly, and from your tone, I can tell that you don't mind that Elliot knows we are together.

Something about the fact that you're okay with your best friend knowing that we are together makes me feel good… and it makes me want to call Matt as soon as I get a chance..

"He assumed that I kept you up all night…"

I crawl over you and, without letting go of your hand, I slide off of the couch and stand up. I tug at your hand and you raise an eyebrow in question.

"Where are we going?" You ask, standing up and allowing me to lead you out of my office and down the hallway.

I lead you into the kitchen.

"I want a peach… I know that's totally random, but the craving just hit me all of a sudden… you want anything?"

You just shrug as I pull you over to the refrigerator.

"I could go for something to drink." You say slipping your hand out of mine so that you can open my refrigerator and look inside of it. "Okay, not only do you have the most organized office I have ever seen, but even your fridge is immaculate… I'm officially out of place around here." You add, and I just smile.

While you pull out a peach and two bottles of Fuji water, I just watch you, enjoying the sight of you moving around in my kitchen. You wash the peach, grab a paper towel, then hand both items to me.

We both walk over and get settled down on the couch in the living room, me at one end with my legs stretched out, you at the other end with your feet meeting mine in the middle.

"Seriously, Alex, you've got to me the most meticulous person I've ever met." You say, twisting the cap off of your bottle of water then taking a long sip.

_You should see my closet…_

"You haven't met Matt… we're best friends for a reason. He drives Eric crazy, always organizing and color coding everything. I'm nowhere near as bad as Matt."

I take a bite of my peach before deciding to ask my next question.

"Bottom or top?"

It's something I've always wondered about you. Honestly, you seem like you would be just a little dominant.

Not too aggressive, but not too passive either… the perfect blend of give and take…

"Excuse me?" You ask, raising an eyebrow in question. "What, like… during sex?" You ask, and I can't help but laugh.

_Like that question could mean anything else…_

"No, like, when you spend the night with your best friend who has bunk beds…"

You roll your eyes and I watch as your face turns a little red.

"How do you go from what we were talking about straight to sex?" You ask, taking another sip of your water.

_I took one look at you…_

"I'm just curious…"

You put the cap back on your water.

"It depends on my mood… and who I'm with… depends on if I'm in the mood to give or take. I usually like a little of both…" You say, your eyes and fingertips focused on peeling the label off of your bottle.

_The perfect blend… God, only I could make sex sound like coffee…_

"I like to be on top. Call me dominant, call me a control freak… I read somewhere once that tops are assertive and aggressive in everything that we, that everything is one huge power trip to us… I don't think that it's about power as much as it is about trust and vulnerability. I've never been with anyone I trusted enough to allow myself to not be in control."

I take another bite of my peach and look up to find that you are still peeling your label.

"Don't laugh at my last question, okay?" You ask, and I furrow my brow.

_Why would you think I would laugh at you?_

"I won't laugh… what's your last question?"

You ball the label up then tuck it into your pocket before looking up and making eye contact with me.

"Why do you want to be with me? I mean, I know that you want to be… or you wouldn't have asked… but why?" You ask, your tone even, your eyes full of emotion.

_Where do I start?_

"You're compassionate and dedicated. I love that your job is more than just a paycheck to you, that you are as passionate in your pursuit of justice as I am… You are strong and smart… You don't take any crap from anyone, not even me.. You fight for people, Olivia… in a world full of people who are just giving up on each other, you refuse to do that. Even with everything that you see day in and day out, you still believe that there is good in the world… I also happen to appreciate your sense of humor. You're a total smart ass, but so am I, so I think we're good together… Oh, and you're beautiful… and licensed to carry…"

You smile at me, and I smile back at you, nudging one of your feet with one of mine. You nudge me back and we both laugh.

"I think that's what drew me to you in the first place, the fact that you're not just some hot blonde with cute glasses and a law degree. You fight to vindicate our victims as hard as we fight to protect them. It's not just shuffling papers and perps around for you… Even though we don't always see eye to eye when it comes to the law and how to go about building a case, I never question where your loyalties and concerns lie. Deep down, I know that you are on my side, and that means a lot… You're as dedicated to your job as I am. I love that about you… You're smart, arrogant, stubborn as hell… And what you do for heels and a suit? Well, lets just say that I have sat through entire trials… and when they were over, I had to ask Elliot about the verdict… You're a catch, I just have no clue how _I_ caught _you_…" You say, and in your smile, in your tone, I detect a hint of sadness.

_Did you not listen to a word I just said?_

"We're good together, Olivia… and don't sell yourself so short. You don't see it… but I do. You don't see how amazing you are…"

You toss a lop-sided grin my way and I just laugh.

"So you think I'm amazing?" You ask, and I just nod.

_I don't think, I know…_

"You want to know something else?"

You shrug.

"Yeah, I guess…" You say, your brown eyes darkening as I crawl towards you.

Now hovering above you, my lips are inches away from yours when I speak.

"One of the best things about having a girlfriend… is making out with her."

_And I have every intention of proving it…_


	13. Poetic Justice

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

A/N1: Sorry it took so long to get this posted… I've been focusing almost all of my creative energy on photography and painting. For the past few days, I've been on a visually expressive kick, not really wanting to string words into sentences unless conversation was absolutely necessary. I get like that... I think all artists/people with a creative flare experience what I'm going through… (a _slump_, maybe? I don't know…) All I know is that I haven't felt like devoting a lot of time to writing until now… Anyway, on with the story, and, as always, let me know what you think! Thanks…

A/N2: By the way, _To Possess and Be Possessed: An Anthology of Lesbian Love Poems_ does not exist. I used some of my poetry (written about my girlfriend) in this chapter because, well, the thought of Olivia wrapped around Alex while Alex reads poetry to her… God, that's just too good to pass up… I made myself Alex's favorite poet… It's not that I'm stuck on myself- I just couldn't find any decent lesbian poetry, you know?!

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUandNCIS

Our lips touch and you pull me onto you, and as your tongue slips past my lips, my hand blazes a trail under your tank top from your side to your abdomen, then to your bra. My fingertips come in contact with lace and I feel and hear your breath hitch as I cup your breast. Through the thin, silk fabric, I find your nipple with my thumb and index finger.

Your tongue dances with mine slowly, with passionate determination. Your exploration is ardent, thorough… your kiss is possessive, assertive… It's as if you are branding me with your lips, telling me that I am yours…

I have never been kissed like this before… never felt what I am feeling right now…

I am excitedly calm and all things conflicting, a mixture of hot and cold…

I should have known that you would have this effect on me, that you would be my complete and utter undoing…

I abandon your lips long enough to kiss my way down your jaw line. Once my lips find their way to your neck, I kiss then suck on the smooth flesh. You let out a low moan, which only encourages me to continue marking and exploring.

One of your hands is tangled up in my hair, but the other one is making its way from the small of my back to my denim clad ass, and when you cup then squeeze, I tear myself away from your neck long enough to look into your eyes.

You flash me a lop-sided grin then squeeze again, and I just laugh.

"Find something you like?"

You nod, then lick your bottom lip.

"I could ask you the same thing…" You say, and I pinch your nipple which causes you to groan.

Your eyes roll back in your head and I smile.

"I'm so turned on right now…"

_And it's all your fault… If you were a little less tempting, I wouldn't have a handful of you while wanting a mouthful of you…_

"Now is when, if you were the _touch yourself _type, I'd offer to watch…" You say provocatively, and I tweak your nipple, harder this time.

_Two can play this game, Olivia.._

"You could be a gentleman and offer to help…"

You cock your head to the side and study me for a second.

"If the damsel finds herself in distress, and in need of a little assistance…" You pause, then lean forward so that the rest of your sentence is whispered into my ear. "I'd be more than a little willing to offer my… _services_."

I have just been propositioned by the most delectable cop ever to protect and serve the state of New York.

You lean back, a gleam in your eye, and I lean in to press my lips against yours once more.

_If only oxygen was no longer necessary…_

I pull away from you, my lungs aching due to deprivation, and you smile up at me, panting heavily.

"If we keep this up, we're going to end up naked… and as amazing as I can only imagine that would be… I don't think that I'm physically able to… meet your demands." You say, and for the first time since our make out session started, I remember that you are injured.

I am off of you and on my feet in an instant, and you groan, reaching out and taking my hand in yours.

"Olivia, I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking… did I hurt you?"

As you sit up slowly and carefully, I have to fight the urge to smack my forehead.

_How could I forget? How could I be so careless?_

"I'm just sore, Alex, I'm not dying… and no, you didn't hurt me… but before I hurt myself by attempting to render you garmentless, I thought it best to quit while I was ahead.. I have a tendency to ignore pain in pursuit of pleasure." You tell me, a barely detectable grin forming on your lips as you stand up and pull me into your arms.

I can't help but smile at what you've just said.

"What makes you think you could _render me garmentless_?"

I pull back a little so that I can look into your eyes.

"That little comment you made… _I'm so turned on right now_… that leaves very little to the imagination when it comes to what you have in mind. Your heart is pounding, you can't keep your hands off of me… and the way you were kissing me tells me you want this to go a lot further than it has gone... I'm a detective, remember? My job is to know things…" You tell me, then as an afterthought, you add, "Besides, if you're half as attracted to me as I am to you, then you probably wanted me naked hours ago..."

_You have no idea…_

"So… what do we do now?"

My heart rate is slowly returning to normal, and my breathing is not quite as uneven and unsteady.

"Now… we read. While I was in your office, a book caught my eye… c'mon…" You say, taking my hand and leading me back into my office.

You lead me over to my bookcase, scanning the titles, and once you find the book you are looking for, you pull it off the shelf and hand it to me.

_To Possess and Be Possessed: An Anthology of Lesbian Love Poems_…

"You like poetry?"

You flash me a lopsided grin and nod, my hand still in yours as you pull me over towards the couch.

"Read me some of your favorite poems…" Your request causes me to smile, and I watch as you flop down onto the oversized couch and motion for me to make myself comfortable.

I settle down between your legs and lean back against you, your arms wrapping around my waist immediately. You place a soft kiss on my neck, just beneath my ear, and I shudder involuntarily.

"Rayne Clarke is my favorite poet. She's from North Carolina… Her descriptions are amazing and her poetry is honest and simple…"

I flip to a poem that I could probably recite from memory and begin to read aloud…

"This one's called _Purification…._

_**Soft skin upon my skin  
no barriers between  
a sigh blown like the wind  
she dances from dream to dream…**_

_**  
What beauty my eyes have seen!  
She makes every sunrise new,  
bathes the world, washes it clean  
with her eyes of ocean blue…**_

_**Come, my love, and undo  
all that the world has done to me  
with a touch so warm, so true,  
and a kiss that sets me free…**_

_**Her touch, reverent,  
her kisses, sweet…  
Our souls, intertwined,  
our hearts, complete…**_"

Once I have finished reading the poem, you place another kiss on my neck, leaning forward to whisper in my ear.

"I've always wondered what it would be like… to wake up with you in my arms… I guess now I know." Your admission renders me speechless, and as I search for another poem, you hold me close to you, enveloping me in your warmth.

Finding another one of Clarke's poems that I am particularly fond of, I take a deep breath, trying to quell the tempest of emotions I feel raging within me. I clear my throat a little then start to read the poem.

"This one's called _Fallen Freedom_… It's short, but its meaning is powerful…

_**I struck a match  
to watch it burn,  
the flame left me unsatisfied…**_

I cupped water  
in my hands,

_**because I need it to survive…**_

I kissed your lips  
as rain poured down,  
for the first time I felt fire…

I caressed your skin  
with shaking fingertips,  
to feel the rush of desire…

I made love to you  
from dusk 'til dawn,  
never have I known such bliss…

Freedom, above all!  
Surprised was I to find  
I could be tamed by a kiss…"

Until now, I had thought the poet a fool… Who, in their right mind, would fall in love when they could be free of its burden? Who would choose love over liberation?

Until now, I couldn't imagine letting go of my independence. I thought myself the _strike a match and watch it burn _type… I thought that I could hold, in my two hands alone, all that I needed to survive…

_I could be tamed by a kiss…_

The last line of the poem reverberates within me, its meaning slowly but surely sinking in.

"I think that poem was written about me." You tell me, reaching out to take the book from me so that you can study the poem I have just read. "I'm the independent, self-sufficient, _let-me-do-it-for-myself _type… Listen to this.. _I caressed your skin with shaking fingertips to feel the rush of desire…_ I know that feeling, that fear of falling in love…"

I let out a long sigh.

"You know my favorite part of that poem? _I kissed your lips as rain poured down, for the first time I felt fire…_ It's in that very moment that she first realizes her need for someone other than herself. One moment in time, one kiss… and all of a sudden, walls fall down and her heart opens up to the possibility of love."

You hand the book back to me and I smile.

"Read me another one…" Your request is softly spoken, your voice filled with emotion.

I turn a few pages and, upon finding the poem I was looking for, I start to read once again.

"This one's called _Feverish_… It's simple in its fluidity, but very… sensual…

_**Your hips sway,  
calling out to me,  
as if you are daring me to follow.  
Your beckoning eyes  
seem to say to me  
"I'll love you like there's no tomorrow."**_

Your fingertips dance  
across my sensitive skin,  
I beg you to touch me once more.  
Between long sighs  
I utter your name  
like so many nights before.

We move together  
so beautifully,  
touching and kissing feverish skin.  
We cling to each other  
so gracefully,  
make love, then start again…"_**  
**_

I close the book and rest the back of my head against your chest.

"Have you ever been _that _in love?

You sigh, taking the book from me and placing it on the table at the end of the couch.

"No. I've had what I thought was love at the time, but… _that_? Whatever that is, I haven't experienced it… yet." You say despondently, almost as if you are coming to this realization for the first time.

Maybe you are… I know I am.

Something about you makes me question everything I thought I knew about love…

"Do you want to? I mean, I know we all want and need to be loved… but you seem so…"

I don't know how to finish the statement, so I leave it open ended, hoping you will fill in the blank.

"Determined to die alone?" You pose your answer as a question, a hint of humor in your tone.

I reach for your right hand, cradling it in one of mine, and with my other hand, I slowly rub my thumb over your palm. I trace you life line, and your love line, taken aback by the smoothness of your skin. Your hands are larger and stronger than mine, yet they are just as soft and gentle. The sharp contrast of my pale skin compared to your olive complexion strikes me as exotic and beautiful, and I continue to stroke your palm.

"Well, that's not _exactly _what I was trying to say… but, yeah, we'll go with that…"

You wiggle your fingers and I take the hint, weaving them with mine.

"No one wants to be alone… I just somehow always manage to end up that way. I've never been in a fulfilling relationship- with a man or a woman. I've never been able to make a lasting connection, never been able to allow anyone to get close to me… I haven't wanted to, not until now…" You say, and I bring your knuckles to my lips and kiss them softly.

I am touched by your words, by their honesty… and because they ring true of me as well.

"I have always thought that I was fine living a life of solitude. I tried to convince myself that the love of my life is the law, which, believe me, sometimes, I feel married to my job. Twelve to eighteen hour workdays, not to mention that when I'm home, I'm going over files and preparing for trial... Somewhere along the way, I realized that my career wasn't enough, that my life was lacking something… or someone…"

I was determined not to let anyone in, until you came along… and by the time I realized what was happening, I was already falling in love with you.

It's funny, how love gets us that way… we never know that we are falling until we are about to say I fell…

"You sure you have enough time for me? I mean, I require a lot of attention…" You say teasingly, and I cannot resist picking on you.

_Attention?_

"Don't you mean _supervision_?"

From behind and above me, you laugh, and so do I.

"That too…" You say jokingly, and I just continue to smile.

We're good together, not that this is the first time I've noticed this. I came to the conclusion that we are good together a long time ago.

"Okay, so we've made out like horny teenagers and I've read you love poems… Now what?"

You plant yet another kiss just beneath my ear.

_How the hell did you figure that out?!_

I can't help but wonder if you know what that does to me, if you do it just to get to me..

"C'mon… If I'm going to cook for you tonight, we need to do some shopping. I'll pick up what I need, and you can choose the wine… We can head to that little market a few blocks over, the one that has fresh baked bread and a great selection of seafood. I was thinking of making shrimp scampi…" You say, standing up and pulling me up with you.

I sigh, feigning hurt.

"You get me all worked up and then all you can think about is food?"

The absolute biggest shit-eating grin is on your face as you wrap your arms around my waist.

"What can I say? I like to eat…" You say, winking at me.

The double meaning to your words is far from lost on me, and I raise an eyebrow in question.

"You're bad… but in the best of ways…"

You nod, and we both laugh.

After I have put my shoes on, we head out of my apartment and over to O'Sullivan's Market, a small but infamous little place that promises great food and even better wine.

_Drop-dead gorgeous with a heart of gold… __**and **__you cook?_

I don't know if you know it or not, but I'm taking your last name…

_Alex Cabot-Benson_… _I like the sound of that…_


	14. Because It Feels Good

Disclaimer: I was thinking of putting Alex and Olivia on my Christmas list, but I haven't been a very good girl this year… In fact, I've been more than a little naughty… _sigh_… Maybe next year… So, yeah, the only characters in this chapter that are mine are Matt and Eric, Alex's two best gay friends who were inspired by my two best gay friends…

A/N: I figured you guys would enjoy a good laugh- even if it is at my expense… So yeah, just so you guys know- what happens to Alex and Olivia in the grocery store in this chapter? It happened to me and my girlfriend yesterday… I was in Alex's position, she was in Olivia's… (And _yes_, I said exactly what I make Alex say.. I wasn't thinking clearly… lol…) Needless to say, it will go down in history as one of the most hilarious/embarrassing things that has ever happened to us… Enjoy, and if you do, let me know, okay? Thanks…

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUandNCIS

I smile as we walk hand in hand down the crowded sidewalk.

This city never ceases to amaze me, so full of variety, so full of life. We pass by men in charcoal gray and black business suits talking on their cell phones, and a mother who is holding one child's hand while pushing another one in a stroller.

I can't help but wonder if they are as happy as I am, if they have found someone who makes them feel the way you make me feel…

Once we are at O'Sullivan's Market, you grab a basket for yourself and then hand one to me.

"You're in charge of the bread and the wine, okay? Leave everything else up to me." You say, and I just smile.

Once again, I cannot help but wonder what it's going to be like…

_Alexandra Cunningham Cabot-Benson… _

"I was kind of hoping you would say that."

You laugh and so do I.

"We'll split up. You head to the bakery section, then… alcohol. By the time you're finished, I should have everything I need." You tell me, sounding more than a little excited.

A few minutes later I find myself standing in the bakery section, wondering why I agreed to be responsible for choosing the bread. The wine? Not a problem… but who the hell knew there were so many different kinds of bread?!

"Can I help you with something?" A young, attractive redhead with bright brown eyes asks, walking up to me and flashing me a smile.

Something about her reminds me of you. Maybe it's her eyes. They are the same warm, chocolate brown as yours…

"Yeah, maybe… I'm having dinner with my girlfriend, and I was wondering… what would go best with shrimp scampi?"

Her peaked interest at my mentioning of the word _girlfriend_ doesn't go unnoticed, and I wait politely while she decides what bread to recommend.

"A nice garlic bread will work wonders when it comes to enhancing the flavor of the overall meal, not to mention that it won't clash with the wine…" She says, pointing at a loaf of bread that has a sticker on it that proudly proclaims that it was baked this morning.

I smile at her, reaching out and grabbing the suggested bread, putting it in my basket.

"Thanks for your help."

I have already turned my back to her when I hear her call out to me.

"Ah, ma'am… with a woman like _that_… you might want to make sure you have some gum or breath mints… you know, for what comes _after_ dinner. God knows, if she was mine, I would inhale my food just to get to dessert…" She says, and I turn around to find that she is smiling. "I saw you two walk in… you guys look hot together." She adds, then heads back into the kitchen area to check on bread that is baking.

I can't help but laugh a little.

She's probably half your age, but if you are her type, then despite her youth… she has impeccable taste.

On my way over to the wine section, I hear a very familiar sound somewhere ahead of me and to my left.

_Matt!!_

I had heard that he was back in town, and two weeks ago he left me a voicemail message telling me that he wanted to get together sometime soon.

My mind is no longer on wine, and as I pick up my pace, I get closer to two voices I would know anywhere.

I round the corner to find Matt and Eric laughing and arguing over which brand of toilet paper they should purchase.

"Well, if it isn't Matthew Jeremiah Reynolds and Eric Richard Sullivan-Reynolds… "

They both turn around, and, true to both of their flamboyant natures, both of them throw their hands up in the air and call out to me.

"Alexandra!" For some reason, Eric insists on calling me by my full name, even after years of me insisting that he call me Alex.

_My boys! God, I have missed them…_

"Well, well, well… if it isn't my long lost lesbian sister from another mister!" Matt says, grabbing me and pulling me into a hug. "Tell my husband Charmin is the best." He adds, pulling me into yet another debate between him and his lover.

"I will do no such thing. I'm an Angel Soft girl, myself…"

Eric pumps his fist in the air, laughing as he reaches for a four roll pack of Angel Soft then puts it in their cart.

"Oh, honey, you should know by now… Us _queens_ stick together!" Eric says, snatching me away from Matt and pulling me into a warm embrace. "It's so good to see you! We were just talking about you the other day, when we were planning our house warming party…" He says, and I just smile.

Thank God they have moved back to Manhattan. Eric's job had them in Boston for almost a year, which has proven to be the longest year of my life.

"Hold on to your coin purses, boys… you're about to meet my girlfriend."

Their eyes go wide and they exchange glances before Matt hits me with question after question.

"What?! Like right now? Who is she? What's her name? What's she like?! Oh, and why the hell am I just now hearing that you have a girlfriend?!" He takes a deep breath and Eric covers his mouth quickly.

_Thank God…_

"Let her answer!" Eric says, shaking his head at his lover's antics. "You'll have to excuse him. He ate a bowl of _Rude as Fuck_ for breakfast…"

I laugh, then answer Matt's questions in the order that they were asked.

"Yes, right now. She's a detective for the Special Victims Unit… her name is Olivia.. she's smart, funny, and gorgeous… oh, and because it just happened today… I was going to call you tonight."

The appearance of two shit-eating grins lets me know that they are happy for me, and that they can't wait to meet you.

"Dipping your tongue in the company ink?" Matt asks playfully, winking at me.

Eric pops him playfully.

"Not yet, but I hope to be very soon…"

All three of us are laughing when from behind me, I hear your voice.

"There you are… I thought you got lost." You say, walking up and standing beside me, offering a friendly smile to the two men that you obviously remember from the picture in my office. "And you guys must be Matt and Eric… I've heard about you two… only good things, of course." You say teasingly, extending your hand first to Matt, then to Eric.

I can tell by the look in Eric's eyes that you already have his approval, and from the smile Matt has on display, I can tell that he already likes you.

"God, Lexi… _gorgeous_ doesn't begin to do this woman justice!" Matt says to me, then turns so that his next comment is directed at you. "You'd think a lawyer would be better with words!" He says, and you just laugh, your cheeks taking on the faintest blush.

Eric rolls his eyes playfully.

"Ugh, Olivia, if you want him, you can have him! I've always thought Alexandra and I would make beautiful babies together.." Eric says, and we all laugh.

You shake your head, obviously not interested in Eric's mock offer.

"That would work… except for that whole _you don't have sex with women _thing.." Matt quips, and Eric scrunches up his nose.

I feign hurt, poking my bottom lip out a little.

"Correction… we would make beautiful _test tube _babies… No offense, Alexandra." He says, and once again, we are all laughing.

_How the hell did we get on __**this**__ topic?!_

"None taken… it's not like I would, even if you _were_ willing…"

At my comment, you laugh even harder, and I reach out and slip my arm around your waist.

"I'm all set… did you get the bread and the wine?" You ask, then lean in and press your lips to mine in a quick kiss.

I'm about to lean in and press my lips to yours for another, more satisfying kiss, but my actions are thwarted by an immature boy trapped inside of a grown man's body.

"Get a room!" Matt says, then sticks his tongue out and points his index finger into his mouth while making a disgusting noise.

I glare at him. It took a little work, but I have finally perfected the art of silencing him with just one look.

"Grow up…" Eric says, elbowing Matt in the ribs.

I look over at you only to find that there is an amused look on your face.

"I was about to get the wine when I happened upon these two…"

Matt and Eric just smile at each other.

"Okay, well, I've got everything I need… If you two don't have plans, and if it's okay with Alex… you're more than welcome to join us tonight." You suggest, and I fight the urge to stomp on your foot or kick you.

_Romantic dinner… candle light… just you and me… and Matt and Eric?!_

I really hope you can't see the look that I am sending Matt's way right now. It's one of those pleading but threatening looks, one that says _'please say no, please say no, pretty please… say no… you better say no, bitch!'_

Matt's nod of acknowledgment would probably have gone undetected by anyone but me. In fact, I doubt that Eric noticed it. Matt and I have always been able to communicate without words. I guess fifteen years of being his best friend has more than a few advantages.

"We would love to, but there's so much that we have to do to get ready for this damn house warming thing. We have to take our studio from shit to chic in just eight days. We're good, but the _Fab Five _we are not… We still have to paint the place and pick out furniture… We can do lunch sometime next week maybe, depending on whether or not we can get our schedules to coincide. Our party is next Friday, at seven. Both of you will be there." Matt says, winking at me before he pulls me into another hug. "It was good to see you again." He says to me, releasing me then turning to you. "And it was nice to meet you, Olivia. I look forward to getting to know you better… and I'll give you the _don't hurt her_ speech later… not that I need to…" The last of what he says is lost on me as he pulls you into a quick hug and finishes his sentence as a whisper in your ear.

When you pull away from him, you are smiling.

"You're right… I do." You assure him, and he returns your smile.

_Okay, what was __**that **__all about?_

Eric and I hug, then Eric hugs you, and we say our goodbyes. The two of us head towards the wine section, leaving the two of them standing there. Before we make it down the aisle, they have already resumed their argument over which brand of toilet paper to buy.

I laugh to myself, wondering when they will figure out to just go ahead and buy one of each.

Once we are standing before row after row of bottle after bottle of wine, you reach out and slip your hand into mine.

"You do know I could have kicked your ass when you invited them to join us tonight, don't you?! You were so close to the wrath of Cabot that it wasn't even funny… How am I supposed to seduce you with the two of them there?"

You laugh as I scan the labels of the bottles.

"With the look you shot Matt? There was _no way_ he would have taken me up on my offer… besides, didn't you see what was in their cart? They had enough condoms to stock all the free clinics in New York for a month… I don't know how much they're going to get done around that apartment of theirs.. You're not the only one with sex on the brain, Cabot… Your boys were too busy thinking about getting busy to accept the invitation..." You say, and I roll my eyes.

_Lucky bastards…_

"At least someone's getting some tonight."

For a split second, images of you run through my mind… your back is arched, your body is shaking, covered in sweat… your features are twisted in pleasure, and you are calling out my name…

"Is that pent-up sexual tension I'm picking up on?" You ask, putting your basket on the floor, your hand leaving mine as you reach out and take my basket from me, setting it down next to yours.

Coming up behind me, you wrap one arm around my waist and, with your free hand, you brush my hair to one side. You slide my t-shirt out of the way, and when I feel your breath on my skin, I close my eyes.

I let out a gasp as I feel your soft lips begin to trail kisses from my shoulder up my neck. The hand that you wrapped around my waist has slipped under my shirt and is slowly working its way up my abdomen.

Your lips find my pulse, and as your tongue flicks out to taste my skin, the hand that was slowly making its way up my body grazes my chest and I arch into your touch, filling your hand with my breast.

"I don't just watch your legs and your ass when you're walking around that court room…" You whisper in my ear, wrapping your other arm around my waist.

Your teeth nip at my earlobe and I let out a low moan.

The hand that is resting on my abdomen slips beneath my shirt and rests on my stomach, your thumb moving in slow, small circles.

"I want you…"

If I sound desperate… I am..

"As bad as I want you?" You ask, and the desire I hear in your voice washes over me, leaving me feeling hot all over.

You place a kiss just beneath my ear.

"Why are you letting her touch your boobies?" A small voice beneath me causes my eyes to pop open and your hands to leave my body instantly.

Standing next to us, with a teddy bear tucked under his arm, is a little boy who looks to be about four years old.

"Because it feels good."

I hear you laugh behind me.

_Oh, shit! I did __**not**__ just say that out loud…_

"Where's your mommy?" You ask him, and he just shrugs. "Well, c'mon, little guy, lets go find her, okay?"

He nods, and you offer him your hand, which he accepts gladly.

I pick up both of our baskets, deciding that we can open the bottle of Terlaner's _Quartz_ Sauvignon Blanc in my refrigerator.

We are on our way to the front of the store when, from behind us, we hear a woman call out.

"Brandon! Brandon! Oh, God… Where have you been? You scared me to death!" A young woman, probably in her thirties, comes running up to us. "Thank you so much! I just turned my back for a second and he was gone…" She says, obviously distraught over her son's little disappearing act.

He pulls away from you and runs to his mother, wrapping his small arms around her leg.

"I'm sorry, mommy… I saw cereal and 'tato chips and then I went down that way and then I saw her touching her boobies 'cuz it feels good…" He says rapidly, pointing first at you, then at me.

The look on your face right now is priceless, and under different circumstances, I would probably laugh.

"Ah, okay…" His mother says, and from her tone, I can tell she's not sure whether she should believe her son's wild tale. "Who knows where he got that idea from? I'm sorry… I try to monitor what he watches on TV, but it's hard, you know? Brandon, tell these nice ladies thank you for their help, okay?" She says, and he looks up at us, a big grin on his face.

_Great. We just gave a four year old little boy his first peep show…_

"Thank you nice ladies." He says, slipping his hand into his mother's as they head down a nearby aisle, hand in hand.

I glance at you only to find that your face has turned a beautiful shade of crimson.

You take both baskets from me and we head towards the checkout.

Spotting a pack of gum and remembering what the girl in the bakery section told me, I add it to our items and wink at you, which only causes you to blush a little more.

Once you have swiped your Visa, we both grab two bags of groceries each then make our way out of the store.

I can't help it, can't hold it in…

"I can't take you anywhere."

Your mouth drops open and your look of mock offense pushes me over the edge. I double over, giving in to a fit of laughter.

"Me?! Ha… like I was the _only_ active participant in what that little boy just witnessed…" You say, laughing. "I wonder how long he was standing there… and you! You with your _'because it feels good' _comment…" You can't even finish your sentence, you are laughing so hard.

We laugh all the way back to my apartment, receiving questioning looks from people. A group of teenage girls just smile as we pass them by, a few of them laughing at us because we are laughing so hard.

_If they only knew…_


	15. No Regrets

Disclaimer: Nope. They don't belong to me…

A/N1: Don't kill me for where I leave them at the end of this chapter, ok? Because if you kill me, I can't turn this chapter and the next two chapters into a three-part-_**Sexplosion**_… lol.. So yeah, this chapter is the beginning of my quest to earn that oh, so beautiful rating of _**M**_… That whole Olivia being hurt thing? I decided that if I was Olivia, having the shit kicked outta me would not stop me from pleasing Alex Cabot. Oh, and the '_religion_' mentioned in this chapter is something my girlfriend came up with… she swears that my **crush** on Alex borders on "obsessive"…_whatever_… shrugs

A/N2:As you can see, I have changed my name… I think _**iheartSVUbabe**_ suits me well, seeing as how I have decided to only write for SVU. As much as I love NCIS, I'm more in love with Olivia and Alex…(just don't ask me who I love the most… lol.) I also finally got around to personalizing my profile, so if you've been wondering about me, go check it out… I'll try to have the next two chapters up ASAP… Enjoy this chapter, and, as always, let me know if you do… Thanks!

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUbabe

Once we are back in my apartment, I am sore from laughing so hard and so long.

"Do you think that little boy's mom thought he was making it up?" You ask, and I shake my head.

We walk into the kitchen, setting the bags of groceries down on the counter.

"With that _hand-caught-in-the-breast-shaped-cookie-jar _look that was on your face?! Not a chance…"

We both laugh as we begin to put the groceries away.

We've still got a few hours to kill, and I can think of only one way that I want to do it.

Everything having been put away, I walk over and take you by the hand, tugging you out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into my bedroom.

"My bed is a _no denim zone_, detective… so those jeans have to go…"

I unbutton and unzip my jeans, wiggling out of them, before crawling onto my bed and laying down. I prop myself up on one elbow and watch as you unbutton then unzip your jeans.

"You just like to see me in my underwear." You say, smiling, and I watch as your jeans hit the floor.

_Not as much as I would like to see you out of them…_

"I just like the feel of skin on skin…"

My admission causes a smile to form on your lips, and as you crawl into bed and settle in next to me, I sit up and pull my t-shirt up and over my head. Tossing the piece of cotton onto the floor, I look at you to gauge your reaction, glad that I decided to go for something sexy beneath the casualness of my jeans and t-shirt. I raise an eyebrow in challenge, wondering how you will react to my forwardness.

I know that I shouldn't… not this bad, not right now, not this soon… but I do… I want you…

I know that I shouldn't pressure you into doing something you might regret… but the look in your eyes is telling me that there will be no regrets, that you want me the way I want you…

I know that I shouldn't… but for the first time in my life, what I know fails to compare to what I feel, what I want, what I need…

"Just because you think that I _can't_… doesn't mean you should think that I _won't_…" You tell me, your eyes shining brightly, then you add, "Because I want you a whole hell of a lot more than I want to be careful right now… I'm hurt, yeah, but this pain just doesn't compare to the ache I feel for you…"

Your words, the tone in which you speak them, spark something in me that is starting out small but comes with the threat of rapidly burning out of control.

The look in your eyes as you move so that you are now on your knees causes a warm, tingling sensation to start in my chest and slowly travel to the pit of my stomach. The feeling settles deep within me, only growing in intensity and strength as I watch you peel your tank top off and toss it onto the floor.

"Not that I want to… but we can wait… if you want to wait, we'll wait…"

As much as I want this, I want you to want it too… I want you to be sure…

You reach behind your back and unbuckle your bra, divesting yourself of it in an instant. I frown when you cross your arms across your chest, not allowing me to see anything but the hint of cleavage you usually have on display whenever I'm around.

"Don't pout, Cabot… If you'll show me yours… I'll show you mine." You say jokingly, a lopsided grin on your face.

I smile, crawling toward you, then, once I'm on my knees only inches from you, I reach behind me and unbuckle my bra, slipping my arms out of it and sending it flying through the air. My arms across my chest, I smile at you, and you laugh.

"You've got more to put on display… so you get to show first… but we're in my bed, so I get to touch first…"

You throw your head back and continue laughing.

"Your bed, your rules… just remember… you're not the only one who has them…" You say, making eye contact with me before your arms uncross and fall to your side.

My throat is dry all of a sudden.

Fantasies can only do so much, and when face to face with reality, I find that in all my attempts to envision you in all your glory, for all the effort I put into trying to imagine what you might look like, in doing your body justice… I failed miserably…

"You're beautiful…"

Somehow, I manage to speak, although I'm not sure how…

Still covering myself with one arm, I reach out and carefully run my hand up your abdomen then to the valley between your breasts.

Though I am far from it, I feel innocent, almost virginal, as I cup one of your breasts in my hand. It's fullness… it's firmness… As familiar as I am with your body in my mind, as many times as I have gotten lost in daydreams filled with images of you and I making love… my thoughts, my imagination, could not prepare me for this. Your skin beneath my fingertips, I am actually touching you… and it is overwhelming.

A nervousness that I cannot explain washes over me, and I pull away from you slightly, my hand trembling. Suddenly, I am so unsure of myself, so intimidated by what you are offering to share with me.

Funny… how I'm okay with you being all over me in public, but when we are alone, when we finally have the chance to strip each other of our clothes and our boundaries, I lose all of my confidence…

I have never felt what I am feeling right now. I am usually very dominant, and very aggressive, going after what I want, in hot pursuit of pleasure without thinking about the consequences.

I have always approached sex in much the same way one might approach a business deal, with sex being the product I have for sell and my partner being the customer, whom I have thoroughly convinced that I am the hot commodity they simply cannot go another night without.

Cold. Callused. Effective…

One look into your eyes and I know exactly what's wrong with me…

_This is not just sex..._

Sensing my uncertainty, my hesitancy, you reach out to cup my face in your hands, pulling me to you so that your lips are now on mine. You kiss me slowly, thoroughly, one hand leaving the side of my face to travel from my shoulder down to my wrist. You tug gently at the arm that I am covering myself with, and I let it fall.

Your tongue deftly strokes mine, and as we explore each others mouths, I feel you drop both of your hands to my waist. Your breasts come in contact with mine, and I moan, leaning into your body as we continue to kiss.

Slowly, almost as if you are asking for my permission, you touch me. Your fingertips dance across my skin, your touches light, and reverent. One of your hands is on my hip, while the other glides up my abdomen.

Your lips leave mine, and our eyes meet. We stare at each other for a moment before your gaze slowly drops to take in the sight of my bare chest. You look me over appreciatively, your lips turning up into a smile, then you shift your gaze upwards and make eye contact with me again.

"And you said _I_ was beautiful…" You say, shaking your head in disbelief. "My, God, Alex… I think I have discovered a new religion… _Caboticism: the worship of all things Cabot_…" Your words wrap around me, and I can't help but smile.

Your hand travels down then back up my torso, and this time, your fingertips explore the dip between my breasts.

"Are you calling me your god?"

If it's possible, I feel you inch even closer to me, your body pressing against mine. In your eyes, there are flecks of desire, urgency, and need.

"Well… I'm pretty sure I'm about to have what could be described as a religious experience… closing my eyes and calling out your name over and over again, begging you for mercy…" You tell me, a lopsided grin firmly in place.

One eyebrow arched, I cock my head to the side.

"That so, huh?"

You nod, and I feel my confidence returning as I reach out and wrap my arms around you, pulling you on top of me as I fall backwards into bed.

Hovering above me, your body covers me, and you lean in closer so that you can press your lips to mine. Once again, we are kissing passionately, and I gasp, stealing your breath, as I feel one of your hands on my breast.

Between your index finger and thumb, you capture my nipple, tweaking it, rolling the erect nub between your fingertips. Your tongue deftly strokes mine, and I reach up to tangle my fingers in your hair, pulling you into me, deepening the kiss.

Your mouth leaves mine, and when I moan in protest, you smile down at me before your lips make their way to my neck. I tilt my head back to allow you better access, and when you kiss just below my ear then nip at my earlobe, I let out another moan. Your lips trek down my neck, your hand still massaging and teasing my breast, and when I feel your lips…

then your tongue… then your teeth on my shoulder… I bite my bottom lip, unsuccessfully trying not to whimper.

Wanting to touch you, to have the effect on you that you are having on me, I reach between us and fill my hand with one of your breasts, smiling at the little hissing sound that you make as I rub my thumb over your taut nipple in circular motions.

You find a particularly sensitive spot, and when I moan, your teeth sink into me gently while you suck what I can only imagine will be one hell of a bruise into existence… not that I give a damn…

_Mark me… I'm yours…_

Satisfied that you've left your mark, your lips and tongue trek lower, and when I feel your knee slip between my thighs and up to my core, I grind against you. Supporting your weight with one arm, your other hand is still playing with my breast.

I gasp as you take my sensitive nub into your warm wet mouth. I pull your hair, not to hurt you, but to encourage you, and you take the hint, swirling your tongue around my nipple then nipping at it with your teeth.

Your hand leaves my breast but your mouth stays where it's at, your tongue flicking and teasing me relentlessly. I feel your hand run slowly down my stomach, stopping just above the hem of my panties.

You shift your weight, and without even giving me time to mourn the loss of contact, your mouth takes my other nipple into your mouth as your hand runs back up my stomach to cup the breast your mouth has just abandoned.

This exquisite form of torture is doing nothing to ease my arousal, in fact, it is having the opposite effect.

The warm wetness and persistent throbbing I feel between my legs only intensifies as you continue to kiss, suck, squeeze, and tease.

I groan in frustration.

"Olivia… are… you trying to… kill me?"

Your mouth leaves my breast and you look up at me, a lopsided grin on your face.

"Patience is a virtue." You say, your fingertips dancing along my skin.

Once again your tongue is swirling around my nipple, and for a brief moment, I can't help but to torture myself by wondering what else that tongue can do…

"It might… oh, shit… it might be… oh, god… but it's highly overrated…"

I grind into your knee and you press up into me even more.

My fingers still tangled in your hair, I pull, harder this time, so that you will look up at me.

"Keep teasing me and I cannot be held accountable for my actions… I will be forced to sexually assault your hand… and before you even try to argue with me, think about this- no jury would convict me… they would take one look at you, and I would describe, in detail, what you were doing to me… and _not_ doing to me… I'd walk, Olivia Benson… and you know it."

Your eyes are dark with desire and your smile is full of promise.

"You make a good case…" You tell me, rocking back onto your knees. "You always do…" You add, your voice lower and deeper than usual as your hands busy themselves with the task of removing my panties.

You tug, and I lift my ass up off of the bed.

Tossing them onto the floor to join the other discarded articles of clothing, your eyes take in the sight of me, and the look that is in them almost makes me climax right here, right now…

_Almost..._

"Less looking… more touching…"

Your smile widens and you slip off the bed long enough to rid yourself of the last piece of material that was serving as a barrier between us.

"Or you'll what?" You ask huskily, climbing into bed and onto me.

Your tone sends a shiver down my spine and I reach out to run my hands from your shoulders to your ass then back up again.

"I'll call Elliot and have him arrest you for withholding and noncompliance…"

I can feel your laughter roll through me and I smile up at you. Suddenly, the look on your face is one of seriousness, then you lean down so that you can whisper in my ear.

"Can you do me a favor? Try not to think of Elliot when I'm about to fuck you…" Your words cause an intense wave of want and need to wash over me.

_You talk dirty? God, why does that turn me on?!_

"Well… fuck me so I won't be able to think…"

I am usually not one for talking dirty...

Giving directions? Yes… Telling the woman I'm with to go faster, harder, deeper, etc.? I've never had a problem with that…

But talking dirty? No… at least, not until now…

_I just told Olivia Benson to fuck me…_


	16. Math

Disclaimer: I own nothing but an overactive imagination…

A/N: Here's part two of my attempts to earn that _**M **_rating… it's not as long as the other chapters, but it's good… you'll see… lol… Enjoy, and please… it's the lavender colored rectangle in the bottom left hand corner that you need to click on… because that's what fuels my creativity… thanks!

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUbabe

_I just told Olivia Benson to fuck me…_

I watch as your lips turn up into a smile and I smile back at you.

Your lips begin an achingly slow descent from my mouth, to my collarbone, to each breast, then down my stomach. I feel you nudge my legs further apart, and as you trail kisses from my hip to my inner thigh, I moan.

"Olivia…"

I don't even recognize my own voice at this point; it is so full of raw passion and deep need that I shudder.

"Yes, baby?" You ask, continuing to plant kisses along my inner thigh while one of your hands runs up then down my leg.

_Never let it be said that you are not thorough._

I prop myself up on my elbows so that I can make eye contact with you.

"This new religion thing you've started? You're off to an amazing start... but you're breaking one of its commandments…"

You look up at me, one eyebrow raised in question.

"What commandment?" You ask, your hand running from the back of my knee to my ankle, then back up and around to rest on my thigh.

I glare at you.

"Thou shall not tease Alexandra Cabot…"

Your smile widens and the look on your face tells me that, while you will dedicate your full attention to _'the worship of all things Cabot'_… you're probably going to take your time when it comes to abiding by the rules…

"So… I probably shouldn't do this…" You say, your hand leaving my thigh, your fingertips running from my stomach down to my sex. Your thumb rubs up then down my entrance, slowly, teasingly, and I let out a groan. "And this is probably off limits too…" You say, spreading me open slowly, your thumb dipping into me just enough to spread the warm wetness around. "You're so wet…" Your voice drops an octave seductively, and you move around a little, trying to get comfortable.

I've never been this turned on, never felt such an intense ache for release…

"Olivia… please…"

My whine of a request slips past my lips and I feel you settle down between my thighs. You tug at my hips and I slide down the bed and closer to you.

"Tell me what you want…" Your command is low, almost a whisper, your breath is hot on sensitive skin.

I growl in frustration, hoping that the deep rumble will tell you exactly what I want… but just in case it doesn't…

"I want you… inside me…"

The tip of your tongue enters me, and with one long, slow lick, your exploration begins. You waste no time, your tongue finding then circling my clit. You nip at it gently, and my hips buck uncontrollably. Taking my clit into your mouth and continuing the circular motions with your tongue, I feel you insert two curled fingers, pumping them in and out of me at a rapid and steady pace.

Your tongue…

_God, that tongue…_

You lap at me, swirling your tongue around inside me, and I feel myself getting closer and closer to climaxing. Expertly, you delve deeper, the strokes of your tongue matching the rhythm of your fingers, and as you continue your actions, tension is building and building…

I feel muscles begin to contract and tighten around you, and I sink my fingers into the mattress, grabbing two handfuls of _Bed, Bath, and Beyond's _finest Egyptian cotton sheets. I call out your name, and you continue to pump your fingers into me, increasing the speed because you know what I know…

_I'm about to…_

"Oh… Olivia… Oh, God… Oh…"

My orgasm rips through me, rocking and shaking my entire body, and I go completely rigid as you continue to thrust into me and lick and suck…

My eyes slam shut as I ride out the waves of pleasure your touch has brought me. Drawing out each and every sensation, you continue to stroke me, and just when I feel as if I'm about to go over the edge, tension starts to build yet again…

_Oh, God… this has never happened…_

I brace myself for what I know is going to be one hell of a ride, and when the second orgasm rushes through me, I lose it, releasing the sheets and sinking my fingernails into your shoulders. Despite the pain that I have, no doubt, just caused, you continue to pleasure me, and as bright colors burst forth from behind my eyes, I pant wildly, trying to quell the burning ache in my chest from having held my breath in anticipation.

Slowly, you pull out of me… and slowly, I tumble back down to earth.

Every nerve in my body is alive and feels electric, and for a moment, it's as if I can feel your energy flowing through me, feel your heart beating in my chest, giving me life…

_Two become one…_

Didn't I read somewhere that it could be like this? That I could feel this way, that I could have all of this… all of this and more…

I am vaguely aware of the disappearance of your weight next to me, your presence, but I am in no condition to try to make sense of anything… I feel as if I am caught somewhere between reality and a dream, suspended in a love-filled void, floating aimlessly, feeling as if my sole purpose for existing is to be with you…

I feel the covers beneath me being pulled out from under me, open my eyes to watch as you crawl into bed and pull them over us. You reach out to me, and I return to the warmth and love I feel in your arms.

"I want to…"

My request to reciprocate dies before it has a chance to even draw its first breath, your fingertip covering my lips.

"Shh, just relax… that was about you… it can be about me later… just rest, okay?" You say, giving me a kiss on the forehead and pulling me closer to you.

The scent of mint rushes forth and it hits me exactly where you disappeared to… and why…

I snuggle into you, enjoying the feel of your skin on my skin. With what little energy I have left, I reach out and wrap an arm around you.

"You were good in math… in fact, I would bet that it was your best subject…"

My words cause a confused look to form on your face, and I just smile.

"Yeah, I was. I have a natural gift, a knack for numbers…" You say, and I can tell that you are wondering what my statement has to do with what just took place.

I laugh.

"You're a natural, alright… divide the legs, multiply the orgasms…"

I wink at you, and you throw your head back and let the rich sounds of your laughter fill the air and my heart.

"I'll take that as a compliment." You say, still laughing.

I lean in and plant a kiss on your shoulder.

"You should."

A tangled heap of sweat and flesh, we lay here, wrapped around one another. I close my eyes, letting out a contented sigh.

The pull of sleep is strong all of a sudden, and as I feel your breathing grow shallow and irregular, I smile, and follow you into restful, dreamless sleep…


	17. Determination, Alex Cabot Style

Disclaimer: They're still not mine, but I'm still suffering from a rare condition that causes me to touch and play with things that do not belong to me… and so, the story continues… Oh, and in this chapter, I steal lyrics… _I wonder what Huang would say about my compulsion to touch things that are not mine…_

A/N: And, last, but certainly not least… here's part three of that three part _**sexplosion**_… This one's longer than the other two for the simple fact that I had to get them through dinner and through a talk that I think they needed to have… Oh, and yeah, back when I started this thing, I told you guys I might get around to using some lyrics in it… (I live for music.) Well, here they are… The first song in this chapter is Melissa Etheridge's _I Want to Come Over_. It's my girlfriend's favorite M.E. song, and for some reason, I think Olivia rocking out to it would be kinda hot… ok, fine- it would be _really_ hot… The second one is also Melissa Etheridge's… it's called _I Need to Wake Up_. And, YES, I am _**that**_ lesbian… the one who's loud and proud… the one who supports other lesbians by listening to their music and promoting them! _Take __**THAT**__, _conservative_ America!_

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUbabe

Drifting back to reality from sleep, I reach out for you only to run my hand across cool cotton. My eyes flutter open to find that you are no longer next to me, and when I sit up, I inhale deeply.

_Food…_

Lazily, I drag myself out of bed and stretch my arms high above my head. Noticing that only my clothes remain on the floor, I smile, bending down to pick up my t-shirt then slipping it on.

_Where are my…?_

I spot what I'm looking for and laugh to myself.

_Figures she'd be a panty flinger…_

I slip into them then grab my jeans, sniffing the air as I pull the faded denim up over my hips. I button then zip them, padding barefoot out of my bedroom and down the hallway.

I step into the kitchen and smile, watching as you strain angel hair pasta. Clipped to your back pocket is a white iPod, its earbuds tucked into your ears, and you are humming along to whatever song that is playing.

I look around to find that the table has been set and a candle has been lit.

_How long was I asleep?_

The smell of garlic is heavy in the air, and once the pasta has been strained, you cover it then open the oven to check on the bread. It must not be ready, because you close the oven and begin to sway, your hips moving slowly and seductively in circular motions. Your hands float above your head and you continue to dance as you start to sing.

To my surprise, a smooth, naturally alto voice flows from you. It's beautiful and soulful, and I take a step closer to listen to what you are singing.

"I want to come over… to hell with the consequence… you told me you loved me, that's all I believe… I want to come over… it's a need I can't explain… I want to come over… to see you, to see you again…" You sing, still dancing, and rocking on an air guitar.

_Could you be any hotter?_

Picturing you dancing and rocking out _naked_, I have the answer to my question, and I laugh to myself.

You are still strumming on your air guitar when I walk up behind you and wrap my arms around your waist. Instead of being embarrassed, you just laugh at having been caught, turning around in my arms and planting a kiss on my lips before offering me an earbud. I press it into my ear and smile at you, licking my bottom lip.

Taking my hand in yours, you lead me out into the middle of my kitchen, pulling me close to you.

"I know your friend… you told her about me… she filled you with fear… some kind of sin… How can you turn, denying the fire?… Lover, I burn… _let me in_… Open your back door, I just need to touch you once more… oh… ohhhh…." You sing to me, and as you flow into the chorus, I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of your body moving against mine.

The song comes to an end, and when another one begins to play, we continue to dance… and you sing to me…

"Have I been sleeping? I've been so still, afraid of crumbling… Have I been careless, dismissing all the distant rumblings… Take me where I am supposed to be… to comprehend the things that I can't see…" Your voice is soft, and we slowly sway together, you singing in my ear and me holding you close. The chorus begins, and I shudder, your breath upon my skin causing an undeniable reaction in me. "Cause I need to move, I need to wake up… I need to change, I need to shake up… I need to speak out, something's got to break up… I've been asleep and I need to wake up… now..."

The words are beautiful and they seem to fit you well, and even though I am not familiar with the song, I understand and appreciate its meaning.

"And as a child, I danced like it was 1999... My dreams were wild, the promise of this new world, it would be mine… Now I am throwing off the carelessness of youth… to listen to an inconvenient truth… that I need to move, I need to wake up… I need to change, I need to shake up… I need to speak out, something's got to break up… I've been asleep, and I need to wake up… now…" You sing through the second verse and through the chorus again, and I open my eyes to find that you are looking at me with tears in yours. You reach out and cup my face in your hands, looking into my eyes as you sing the refrain. "I am not an island, I am not alone… I am my intentions, trapped here in this flesh and bone…"

The chorus is heard one last time, but instead of being lost in the lyrics I hear playing in my ear, I am lost in the look that's in your eyes. Your guard no longer in place, your barriers destroyed, your walls down… I gaze into who you are, and what I find wraps around me and fills me with love until my heart overflows.

The song comes to an end and you pull your iPod out of your pocket and turn it off. I reach up and take the earbud out of my ear, and as you do the same, you begin to wind the earbuds around your iPod neatly.

"I think you're going to change me… that loving you is going to change me." Your voice is low, but your words are full of an honesty that cannot be denied.

You lay your iPod on the shelf then walk back over to me, taking me into your arms.

"Is that a bad thing?"

My question causes you to bring your eyes up to meet mine.

"No, it's not… I'm just not used to… I've never really been…" You are struggling to open up, and as you close your eyes to try to focus on what you need to say, I reach up and wrap my arms around your neck. "I don't know how to do this… I can't mess this up… not with you, not when I feel the way I feel…" You tell me, opening your eyes and looking into mine once again.

My heart is breaking for you. The pain, fear, uncertainty, and tears that I see in your eyes grips me, and I lean in and press my lips to yours in an attempt to show you how I feel about you.

Our lips touch once, twice, then you open your mouth to me and our tongues slowly and lovingly dance. I reach up and run my fingers through your hair, reveling in the feel of the silken strands as they slide through my fingers, and I pull you closer to me so that I can deepen the kiss.

When we pull away from each other, I whisper the one thing I have wanted to tell you since I realized it was the truth.

"I'm in love with you."

The tears that were brimming in your eyes overflow and reach out to wipe them away.

"The feeling's mutual." You say, smiling through your tears, then adding, "Matt's psychic."

I raise an eyebrow in question and you just laugh.

"At the grocery store… when he hugged me and whispered in my ear… He said, _'Alex loves you… and I can tell that you love her. You two are good together.' _I didn't know how he knew I loved you, but I didn't deny it…" You say, and your part of the conversation plays through my head.

'_You're right… I do.'_

_So that's what that was about…_

"You love me?"

You drape your arms over my shoulders and cock your head to the side.

"Well… _duh_…" You say, flashing me one of your lopsided grins, and I smile, wondering what it is about that grin that gets to me.

That grin has always gotten you anything you've ever wanted when it comes to me… it never fails… _'Cabot, we need a warrant.'_ Knowing good and damn well I would have to wake up a judge or kiss some ass… _'Alex, c'mon… we can nail this son-of-a-bitch… we just need access to his financials…'_ You shoot me some insane line about having a 'feeling'… then, there it is… that grin… No matter what you're asking for, you get it… because I can't say no to that shit-eating grin…

My stomach growls and we both laugh.

"I'm starving…"

You plant a quick kiss on my lips then walk over to the oven to check on the bread.

"It's ready… and so is everything else… go have a seat and I'll bring everything to you." You say, and I nod, my eyes trained on your ass the whole time.

_God, I would just like to take the time to tell you that you did an amazing job on that one… not only is she the most amazing woman I have ever met, but she has the most amazing ass I've ever seen… amen_…

Something hits me and I laugh.

_Did I just curse while praying?_

I shake my head, wondering if God's as big a stickler on purity as most of his followers make Him out to be. I mean, honestly, the concept of sex? That came from Him… He can't be the anti-sex God that people make Him out to be… sex was _His_ idea…

I sigh.

There are just some things that I will probably never understand…

I walk over and sit down at the table, enjoying the sight of you in my kitchen. You walk over and grab both of our plates, flashing me a small smile, before heading over to pile our plates with what, judging by its aroma, promises to be a delicious meal.

Shrimp scampi served over angel hair pasta with a small salad is set before me, and I lick my lips. The next thing to arrive is a basket full of garlic bread, followed by a bottle of wine which has been opened and is placed in the center of the table.

The flame of the white fresh linen candle dances and flickers beautifully, and I smile as you sit down across from me.

After filling both of our glasses with Terlaner's _Quartz_ Sauvignon Blanc, you raise yours to make a toast.

"To love…" You say, smiling.

I clink my glass against yours and return the smile.

"To us…"

We both take a sip of our wine, then set our glasses down. For the first time, I notice that a bottle of French dressing is sitting in front of me, and I smile at your thoughtfulness. I doubt that my own mother would be able to tell you what dressing I prefer with any degree of accuracy, but the fact that you know, somehow, doesn't come as a surprise. That's just the way you are…

I pick up my napkin and lay it in my lap, and for some reason, you shake your head and laugh at me.

"What?"

You look at your napkin then back over at me.

"God, you are so pretentious that it's cute." You say, and I feel my ears and cheeks grow warm as a blush creeps up on me.

_You think I'm pretentious?_

"I am _not_ pretentious… I'm polite. You could learn a few things from me…"

_Like where elbows are supposed to go when you are eating…_

"You're pretentious… and pompous… You reek of old money and high society… and me? Well, I don't. In fact, quite the opposite. My elbows are always on the table and I scratch when and where I itch… Elliot is probably a little more refined than I am… I love you, and when it comes time for you to take me home to meet your mother, I'll be the perfect gentleman… just don't expect me to stay polished." You say, and as if to prove your point, you shovel a forkful of food into your mouth, slurping the pasta, and wink at me.

_God, you're cute.._

"When I take you home to meet my mother, just be yourself… If she doesn't like you… well, I've been looking for a good excuse to tell her to kiss my ass for over thirty years."

At this, we both laugh.

I swirl the pasta around my fork then stab at a shrimp that is hiding in the creamy sauce. Taking my first bite, I moan shamelessly. Once my mouth is no longer full, I offer up my compliments to the chef.

"God, this is delicious… you can cook for me anytime…"

You shrug off the compliment, your face turning a little red.

"Thanks." You tell me, then take a sip of your wine.

An hours worth of great food, conversation, and wine later, and we are loading out plates and glasses into my dishwasher.

"Am I wrong to assume that there will be dessert?"

You smile at me and walk over to my freezer.

"Since when does _Ms. Health Food Extraordinaire_ have such an extensive collection of ice cream? I mean, really, Alex… there are only _seven_ days in a week… to have _nine_ different kinds of ice cream is just… _obscene_." You say, laughing, and I swat at you playfully.

Heading over to the cabinet to pull out two bowels, then over to the drawer where the silverware is kept, I just smile.

"So I like a little variety… _sue me_…"

I hand you a bowl and a spoon as you go from surveying what flavors I have to offer to looking me over as if your interest in ice cream is nonexistent.

"Trust me, Alex, I'm not surprised that you go for variety… I've always known that nothing about you is vanilla…" You say seductively, and I suppress a moan as I feel a familiar wetness between my legs.

Once you have chosen _Death by Chocolate _and I have picked _Strawberry Cheesecake Surprise_, we head into the living room and settle down next to each other on the couch. We lean against each other, enjoying our ice cream in comfortable silence.

"This is nice, but what I'm really looking forward to happens after dessert…"

I wink at you and you look at me with a curious look on your face.

"What comes after dessert?" You ask, then take a bite of your ice cream.

I smile.

"Not what… _who_…"

I point at you, and your eyes go wide and your jaw drops.

Suddenly, I have lost my taste for strawberries, and what I really want to have my mouth all over is you. Putting my half eaten bowl of ice cream on the coffee table in front of me, I motion for you to do the same, then I reach out and take you by the hand.

"What about the ice cream?" You ask, flashing me a smile knowingly.

Walking backwards, I tug you down the hallway.

"The only flavor I'm in the mood for right now… is you…"

Lips and tongues clash in a passionate kiss as my hands make their way under your tank top and up your abdomen. Hot flesh beneath my fingertips, I continue to kiss you thoroughly, my desire to touch you, to consume you growing in intensity and strength.

I pull away from you long enough to rid you of the tank top that is keeping me from having my hands where I want to have them. Firm, full breasts bounce beautifully as I tug you into my bedroom by your jeans. I reach out and cup your breasts in my hands, squeezing and massaging the mounds of olive colored flesh.

My hands roam from your chest down to your jeans, and after I unzip and unbutton them, I tug them down only to find that the whole time we were dancing and eating… there was absolutely nothing between you and your Levi's…

Something about the thought of nothing but denim covering your ass turns me on, and I can't help but wonder if you do this often…

I step back to admire your body, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and holding it there with my front teeth. I pull my t-shirt up and over my head, then, as quickly as I put them on, my jeans and panties are a pile of denim and lace around my ankles. I step out of them and towards you, pushing you until you fall backwards into my bed.

I climb on top of you, and for a split second, I can't decide what I love about you the most… your strong shoulders, your ample breasts, your taut stomach… It's impossible for me to choose just one place to explore, so I settle for fondling your breasts while trailing kisses down your neck, to your shoulder…

"Alex…" Your voice is strained, deeper than usual, as you tangle your fingers in my hair and pull it to get my attention. "Kiss me…" You pant, a wild look in your eyes.

Who am I to deny you what you want?

Once again, my lips capture yours in a hard, demanding kiss, and as our tongues duel, my hand is busy memorizing the feel of you beneath me.

I pull away from you, panting wildly, and as I take one erect nipple into my mouth, I tweak the other one, causing your back to arch and you to call out.

"Oh, God… goddamn it, Cabot…" You hiss, your fingers leaving my hair to sink into the mattress.

At the use of my last name, I feel a wave of longing hit me, and it fills me with a determination to hear my name on your lips over and over again…

I swirl my tongue around the firm nub in my mouth, then suck on it gently before nipping at it with my teeth. My mouth stays where it is, but my hand glides down your body to the neatly trimmed mound between your legs.

Your hips buck as I slip two fingers into you, curling them and finding your clit with my thumb. While pumping my fingers into you, I apply pressure to your clit, flicking it, and your back arches again.

"Oh, fuck… oh, fuck… Please… please, Alex…"

I pull my mouth away from your breast so that I can look into your eyes.

"Please what?"

You let out a moan.

I speed up and delve deeper, which causes you to cry out.

"I'm close… _please_… don't… _don't stop_…" You plead, and as I pump my fingers in then out of you, I feel warm wet walls tighten around me.

Not wanting you to climax just yet, I slow down, then slide my body down yours so that I can position myself between your legs.

_I want you…_

I pull my fingers out of you and spread you open. Warm, wet, and slick, I can't wait to taste you, and so I devour your swollen, sensitive flesh, my tongue circling your clit as my fingers enter you again to stroke you in a trigger-pulling action.

You thrash around passionately, and I lap and suck at you, determined to make you climax, to make you scream my name.

"Oh, yes… Oh, god… Alex… Oh, god… _Alex!!_" You cry out my name as the muscles in your legs tighten, and when your orgasm surges through you, you reach down and tangle your fingers in my hair once again.

Wanting to draw out each and every sensation that your body is being rocked by, I continue my ministrations until you pull my hair and pull me away from you.

"Goddamn it, Alex… oh, fuck… I can't… I can't take anymore…" You say, hoarsely, and I smile and wipe my face on the back of my hand.

I look you over and the throbbing between my legs that started as soon as I touched you grows more insistent.

A satisfied Olivia Benson has to be the sexiest thing I have ever seen, with her hair all over the place, her eyes darkened and wide, her chest heaving up and down…

I crawl up next to you and lay on my back, starring up at the ceiling.

"Above average?"

I hear and feel you laugh next to me.

"No… nothing you do is just 'above average'… I shoulda known that mouth was good for more than starting fights and getting into trouble…" You say jokingly, and I reach out and grab then twist your nipple. "Oww, shit! That hurt…"

I roll onto my side, laughing.

"You liked it."

You shrug nonchalantly.

"Maybe…" Your admission made, you laugh along with me, and I reach out to pull you into my arms.

You shift a little, so that you are now on your side, and you tangle our legs together as you snuggle closer to me.

"I'm going to fall asleep." You warn, then add, "Take it as a compliment…"

I smile to myself and plant a kiss on your collarbone.

"Okay…"

You close your eyes and let out a long sigh.

"Lex?" You say, sleepily, sounding as if you will lose consciousness at any minute.

I reach up and run my fingers through your hair, smiling as your lips turn up into a satisfied grin.

"Hmm?"

You open your eyes and look into mine.

"I love you."

Three little words, yet, when they tumble from your lips, they sink into me, and I cling to them, and to you..

"I love you too… get some rest, okay?"

You nod, then close your eyes, and as you drift off to sleep, I hold you close to me, not even bothering to stop the tears as they fall.

_Well, well, well… that which was said would never happen… has happened. Alexandra Cabot is in love…_

I close my eyes, still smiling, and quickly sleep overtakes me.


	18. Fairy Tale

Disclaimer: Yeah… _right_…

A/N: If Alex and Olivia are having amazing sex, _someone_ should know about it… The scene between Alex and her _visitor_ is taken from something that happened a long time ago… between me and someone I no longer speak to… Alex's last line as she closes the door? All mine.. lol… After all that sex, I wanted to go for something that was still sexy, but kinda sweet at the same time… Enjoy, and, c'mon… if you're reading it, why not review it?! Thanks…

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUbabe

Waking up to the sound of you breathing, to the feel of you in my arms… a smile forms on my lips and I open my eyes.

You are sleeping peacefully, your legs still tangled up with mine, your arms around me. Your features are soft, your mouth slightly open, and the faintest of snores can be heard as you breathe in and out unevenly.

I laugh to myself, reaching out to run my fingers through your unruly hair. I haven't decided if I like this new look on you, or if I prefer your locks to be cropped shorter, the way they were when we first met. At the length it is now, it softens your features, makes you look a little more feminine. I'm not sure if I like the longer bangs, the feathered look… For months now, I have watched it grow longer and longer…

Deciding that I love you no matter how long or short your hair is, I untangle myself from you and slip out of bed. Grabbing a thick terrycloth robe off the back of my bathroom door and wrapping it around me, I tie the belt and head over to my chest of drawers. Moving everything out of my second drawer and into several other drawers, I smile. I want you here, want you to know that this is where you belong.

I head over to my closet and rearrange a few things so that there is a little room for you to hang up a few t-shirts and a few pairs of jeans. It's only natural that you should have a place to hang your clothes and to keep your things…

I head into the living room to clean up after our thwarted attempt at having dessert, and after I have loaded our bowls and spoons into the dishwasher, squirted some Cascade into the slot, and set the dishwasher on normal wash, there is a knock at the door.

Glancing at the clock on the living room wall, I frown.

_Who could that be?_

The only person who ever stops by at eight thirty on a Thursday night is you, to ask for a warrant or to ask why I couldn't get you a warrant.

Peeping through my peephole, I let out a low groan.

_Of all times for her to stop by…_

I unlock the door and open it slowly.

"Alexandra, dear, how good it is to see you!" My mother's voice has always tap danced all over my nerves, and as she barges in, I close my eyes and try to count to ten.

She pulls me to her in some sort of half-ass hug, and I open my eyes and plaster a reserved smile on my face.

"Hello, mother… what an unexpected surprise."

I'm too polite to be completely honest. This _is_ a surprise, and it _is_ unexpected… but it's more unfortunate than it is unexpected…

"Don't sound so happy to see me, sweetheart! Can't a mother stop by just to visit her only child every once in awhile?" She is looking around my apartment, no doubt trying to find something that doesn't tickle her fancy or something that doesn't meet her standards.

_Why is she really here? She never just 'stops by' unless she's wants something…_

"Yeah, when she calls first…"

Maybe if she picks up on the fact that I don't want her here, she will leave…

"I haven't seen you in ages! I was in the neighborhood. Dorothy and I spent the day shopping and I ended up a few blocks away, so I thought I would stop by to check in on you." She says, her eyes trained on the black duffle bag by the door. "Am I interrupting something, dear?" She asks, her eyes darting from the duffle bag to your boots, then over to your leather jacket.

I roll my eyes.

"As a matter of fact… you are. What can I do for you? Whose arm do you want to hang me on this time? At what charity event is my presence requested?"

If I sound annoyed, I am. I have seen my mother a total of three times in the last year, and all three times, she showed up unannounced to invite me to some high society ass-kissing event so that she could parade me around in front of a group of potential suitors.

"Alexandra, what on earth has gotten into you? I simply stopped by to see how you are doing. I can imagine that it gets lonely here in the city, with nothing but work and your books to keep you company… And I only introduce you to the absolute most promising of young men in hopes that you will settle down, get married, and have a family… like you're supposed to.. after all, a woman is not meant to be alone." She says, then clears her throat.

No matter how many times we go over this, I think my mother is convinced that my sexual preference is going to change, that I will wake up one day and be straight and choose to live the lie she has chosen to live all these years.

I hear you stirring in my bedroom, hear you call out to me.

"I'm _not_ alone, mother."

Wanting to spare you the drama that is my mother, I am discouraging her from slipping out of her coat by shoving her towards the door.

"Dear Lord, Alexandra! I thought _those_ days were behind you… Given your political ambitions, I had assumed that you would abstain from having women traipsing in and out of your bedroom…" She says, and I cringe as I hear footsteps behind me.

_Oh, shit…_

"Hey, Lex, do you…?" Your voice trails off and I turn around to find a horrified look on your face.

Clad in boy shorts and a tank top, you stop dead in your tracks, looking from me, to my mother, then back at me.

"It's okay, Olivia… my mother was just leaving… weren't you, mother?"

The stern tone I use towards her earns me a nasty look from my mother, but I ignore it, continuing to push her out of my apartment.

"Well, Alexandra, she certainly is beautiful, but I doubt that she's worth all you will be giving up should you decide to turn this into more than scratching an itch! What about your future? Your father and I did _not_ send you to the finest schools and pave the way for your political success just to watch you throw it all away… and for what, Alexandra? Some twisted, perverted version of the fairy tale life you were meant to live?!"

She is now standing in the hallway outside of my apartment, fuming.

"Contrary to what you believe, this is _my_ life. I will live it how I choose to live it, and I will love who I choose to love… I'm not some pretty princess you can boss around… I don't want prince charming, I don't want _your_ life… fuck your fairy tale!"

I slam the door in her face and throw the locks in place.

"Whoever she is, Alexandra, I hope she is aware of everything she will cost you! I hope she knows that she is in your way!" With that, I hear her heels click as she hastily makes her way away from my door.

I turn around to find that you have put your jeans and socks on and are now shoving your feet into your boots. Lacing them up and tying them as fast as you can, you walk over and slip into your jacket.

"Whoa! Wait… what are you doing? Where are you going?"

Your gaze doesn't meet mine as you grab your duffle bag.

"I don't want to cause problems for you, Alex… maybe it's best if I just go…" You say, your hand unlocking the door then opening it. "I'm sorry, Alex… I never meant to get in your way…"

I rush over to you, grabbing you by the arm.

"You're not in my way… I love you. I don't care what she says, and I don't care about my career… not as much as I care about you, about us… I have no problem walking away from a chance at being the next DA… just don't expect me to walk away from you… I can't do that… you mean too much to me."

You hang your head as I tug you back into my apartment, closing the door and locking it once more. I take your duffle bag from you and walk into my bedroom, with you following along behind me.

"I can't expect you to just give up on something you've wanted for so long…" You tell me, and I walk over to my chest of drawers and open the second drawer.

You sit down on the end of my bed and just watch me as I walk over to the bed and put your duffle bag on it, unzipping it and reaching into it to pull out your socks, a few pairs of boy shorts, three sports bras, and a few tank tops. I put your things in the drawer and then close it.

I walk over to my closet and grab six clothes hangers.

After hanging up your jeans and t-shirts in my closet, I close my closet door and walk over to you, cupping your face in both of my hands and tilting your head back so that you look up into my eyes.

"You said that you don't expect me to give up on something I've wanted for so long, right?"

You nod, and I lean in and press my lips to yours in a brief kiss.

"I've wanted to be the DA for a long time, Olivia, but I've found something that I want more than I'll ever want some title… I want you… a future with you…"

You crack a smile, reaching out and wrapping your arms around my waist.

"That _'fuck your fairy tale' _line was hilarious…" You say laughing, and I position myself between your legs and lean in for another kiss.

A tank top, some boy shorts, a pair of faded old jeans, socks, a pair of boots, and one robe later, we fall into bed, kissing and touching, impassioned and urgent once again to please and be pleased…

"I love you, Olivia."

Naked and satiated, we are wrapped around each other and tangled up in sheets.

"I love you too, Alex…" You whisper, then press your lips to my temple.

I lean up and glance at my alarm clock.

_God, she has got to be the absolute best way to kill two hours…_

I can't help but smile.

"Come soak with me…"

Taking you by the hand, I pull you out of bed, and over to the chest of drawers. After grabbing both of us a t-shirt to sleep in, I tug you down the hallway and into the guest bathroom.

I toss our t-shirts onto the shelf and smile at you.

"Lavender or jasmine?"

In the mirror, I watch as you shrug your shoulders, then walk up behind me and kiss your way down my neck to my shoulder.

"You're insatiable…"

You laugh, your hands on my waist as I make my way over to the deep garden tub in the corner.

"I'm just easily distracted… I mean, damn, you're standing in front of me completely naked… the last thing on my mind is what scent of bath salts we should use…" You say, turning me around in your arms so that you can kiss me deeply.

Pulling away in need of air, I take a deep breath, leaning into you.

"I love the way you kiss…"

You flash me a lopsided grin then reach out and grab the jasmine scented bath salts.

"That works… because I love to kiss you…" You say, flashing me a beautiful smile.

I let the water run, and once it's the right temperature, I stop the drain then add a variety of fragrant oils to the water. You toss a few handfuls of jasmine scented bath salt into the water, and once the tub is filled halfway, you climb in and get settled.

"Oh, yeah… this is nice…" You say, then let out a contented sigh.

I climb in and settle down between your legs, leaning back against you.

The combination of the warm water and your hands rubbing and massaging my shoulders is heavenly, and I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of your fingertips digging into tense, sore muscles.

"Want to talk about what happened between you and your mother?" You ask, placing a kiss on my shoulder, then kneading the tender flesh.

I let out a long sigh, and you continue to massage my shoulders deftly.

"She's a myopic, hypocritical bitch… She is convinced that I will eventually succumb to her foolish attempts to tie me to a husband, two children, and the DA's chair… I can't be who she wants me to be… straight, married, a mother… basically, she wants me to repeat the cycle set into motion by her, her mother, and her mother's mother before her…"

You rub my back in slow circles, and I moan.

"Have you ever thought about it? Getting married… having kids… You know, settling down and starting a family…" You ask, and a wistful smile forms on my lips.

_I wanted to name my son Joshua, and call him Josh… and my daughter was going to be named Kaitlyn, and be called Kate… Something about being a Cabot assures you that you have a proper name that all your friends will shorten in an attempt to bring you down to their level… Alexandra demands respect… but Alex? Alex says that I'm just like everyone else… _

"I used to think about it, before I realized how difficult it would be… I imagined finding the right woman, making a commitment to her… maybe adopting a kid or two… I even thought about being a stay at home mom. I wanted the minivan, piano recitals, soccer games, karate classes… I gave up on that dream to pursue something that I thought would be easier to obtain: the perfect career and a solitary existence. What about you… ever think about getting married and having children?"

You cup water in your hands then let it trickle down my back, and as my fingertips glide down your thighs, you start massaging my shoulders again.

"I have always wanted children… I could just never really work out that whole _how to have them_ thing… Single parent adoptions are not easy as it is… add to the mix that I'm a cop? No one would give me a kid, you know?" You say, then place a kiss just beneath my ear.

I shudder, and you laugh a little.

"I would."

Your hands continue to roam the expanse of my back.

"You volunteering to be the mother of my children?" You ask jokingly, and I fall silent.

Wrapping your arms around my waist and leaning up so that my head is tucked under your chin, you hold me close to you.

"I could see myself settling down with you…"

Hoping my admission is not too much, too soon, I cover your hands with mine, intertwining our fingers.

"And raising kids with me?" You ask, and I sense just a hint of skepticism in your tone.

I close my eyes and I can see two kids playing in our yard, chasing our little black lab around, shooting him with super-soakers, while you and I toss a few burgers and hotdogs on the grill…

Settling down with you… starting a family with you… it sounds a lot better than being locked away in some office surrounded by nothing but cases and trials to keep me company…

"You would be an amazing mom… any kid would be lucky to have you in their life."

I open my eyes and smile, slowly spinning around so that I can recline against the other end of the tub, and so that I can look into your eyes.

"Just what Manhattan needs… a bunch of little Cabot-Bensons running around…" You say, and we both laugh.

_A little girl as arrogant as me… a little boy as stubborn as you…_

"So, I'm taking your last name, huh?"

You nod, and I just shake my head.

"Damn right… if you're gonna be mine, I want the world to know…" You say cockily, flashing me one of your trademark grins.

I splash water at you and you laugh again.

You disappear beneath the water, and when you resurface, you shake your head, slinging water all over me. I close my eyes and sink down into the water, laughing to myself. I hold my breath and remain under water as long as I can.

When I surface, you smile, then stand and extend your hand.

"C'mon… lets get outta here and into bed." You say, and I slip my hand into yours.

We climb out of the tub together, and I toss you a towel then grab one for myself, enjoying the sight of your breasts as they bounce while you towel dry your hair.

Once we have dried ourselves off, we pull our t-shirts on and head to my bedroom. You pull back the covers and we climb into bed. I snuggle up next to you and you kiss my forehead.

"You want banana pancakes in the morning?" You ask, sleepily.

I close my eyes, a heavy bout of tiredness setting in.

"Sure… sounds good… oh, and coffee. I can be a total bitch in the mornings, and the only known cure seems to be caffeine in large doses… you've been warned…"

You laugh a little then let out a yawn.

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind… g'night, baby… love you." You whisper, drifting towards a good nights sleep.

I nuzzle into you, smiling when I realize that you smell like me.

"Love you too…"

_Exhaustion due to sexual exertion is the best kind…_


	19. Cabot Domination

Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine… and Dick hasn't gotten back to me yet on signing them over to me…

A/N1: Okay, so I wanted to update before I got busy moving… (don't worry- I'll still be updating… just not every other day lol…) I'm finally kissing this hole-in-the-wall apartment goodbye and moving into a two bedroom town home.. You know what that means? No more doing art projects in the kitchen lol.. My girlfriend and I will have a bedroom _**and**_ a studio/office! Hell yeah… This chapter is me maintaining that _**M**_ rating, at the request of _she who adores my smut_… (see dedication below…) Enjoy, and as always… reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks…

A/N2: To any girls out there who have never done what Alex and Olivia do in this chapter- talk your girlfriend into trying something new or find a girl who is willing and able and _'enjoy the ride'_... talk about double your pleasure... mmm...

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to _**K. Vendetta**_… I hope it helps scratch that itch that you don't have anyone scratching for you right now… You should live next door to me. We would totally hang out… Between you and your boys who are into Resident Evil and me and my boys who are addicted to Guitar Hero? We'd make quite the bunch… lol..

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUbabe

The feel of your hand gliding up my stomach coaxes me towards consciousness, and a small smile forms on my lips as you cup my breast, drawing circles around what will be, in a matter of seconds, an incredibly hard and sensitive nipple.

_Holy… mother of… God…_

You tweak one nipple, and once is has hardened, your hand finds the other one and pays it some much needed attention.

"Mmm… are you always this… _awake_… in the morning?"

Not that I'm complaining. If this is how you wake me up every morning, I'm going to ask you to move in…

"Amazing sex the day before followed by a good night's sleep assures us that today will be far from boring, baby…" You tell me, your voice deep and raspy from sleep. "Besides, I don't have to go to work… you don't have to go to work… and in case you haven't noticed, it's raining…" You say, rolling on top of me and trailing kisses from my lips all the way down my neck.

I pull you back up to me so that I can capture your lips in a kiss. Our tongues dance, and I moan into you as I feel your hand make its way from my breast down to my hip.

When you tear your lips away from mine, you look down at me with a mixture of love and desire in your eyes. I smile up at you and you peck my lips once, twice… a third time…

"It's raining?"

Now that you've mentioned it, I hear raindrops pounding against my window.

"Uh huh… and the perfect place… to spend the day… is right here… in bed with you." You tell me, in between kisses.

You straddle my hips, rocking back and sitting up, your hands going to the hem of the t-shirt you are wearing.

I can't help but smile, can't help but tease you a little.

"So sleeping with one turned you into a Red sox fan, huh?"

You raise an eyebrow at me before you look down to find that the t-shirt I handed you to put on last night is a Boston Red Sox shirt.

"You think you're cute, don't you?" You ask, smiling down at me as you peel the shirt off and toss it onto the floor.

I smirk at you.

"I don't _think_ that I am… I _know_ that I am…"

You toss a mock glare my way, and I just smile.

"Putting a Yankee in a Red Sox shirt… that's punishable by Benson law…" You tell me, reaching down and helping to rid me of the only piece of cotton keeping us from being skin to skin.

My shirt joins yours on the floor and I allow my eyes to roam your body. Tone, lean, and begging for my hands to be all over it, your body is beautiful, and soon to be mine…

"I have a right to a speedy and fair trial."

You climb off of me and begin to pace back and forth, and even though you have a serious look on your face, it's hard to take you serious when you're pacing naked, hands on hips I want to be grinding into…

"It would go a little something like this…" You say, then clear your throat. "Members of the jury… you all are, no doubt, Yankees fans yourselves… none of you would be caught dead in a Red Sox shirt…" You say, bending over and picking up the shirt you slept in. "_This_ is what the defendant made me sleep in. In my over-sexed, exhausted state of mind, I was unable to think clearly, and did not even realize what I had on until she smirked at me… she _smirked_ at me, and pointed out that she had forced me to commit an act of blasphemy." Holding up the shirt, a look of disdain on your face, you continue. "I ask that you put yourself in my shoes… I have been a Yankees fan since I could hold a bat… and she forced me to wear _this_… I slept in it, which means that the defendant caused me to cheat on the Yankees… She desecrated baseball. She has shown no remorse. In fact, she has been blatantly proud of her actions… Do what's right, do what's _American_… find her guilty." You end your closing arguement pointing your finger at me, and I can't help but laugh.

_You're good, you're damn good... and you have got to be the absolute most adorable thing I have ever laid eyes on…_

"And what would the verdict be?"

I can't help but play along. This mock trial thing you are doing is as cute as it is ridiculous.

"Of the sole count of Yankees blasphemy in the first degree, we the jury, find Alexandra Cabot, guilty. Of two counts of smirking while trampling all over the greatest baseball team that has ever existed.. _ever_… we find the defendant guilty…" You say, walking over and climbing back on top of me. You flash me a smile, then add, "Lucky for you… I'm the judge… and I'm going to _get you off _by sentencing you to one day of sweat and hard labor…"

Your lips claim mine and all thoughts of baseball fly out the window, your hands busy touching and teasing me as your tongue deftly invades my mouth.

When we pull away to draw a breath, I smile, wanting to tease you a little bit. After that trial stunt you just pulled, you deserve it…

"What about those banana pancakes you promised me?"

You groan.

"The ingredients aren't going anywhere… now, as for me… I have _always_ been a high achiever… so yeah, I'm going places…" Your voice trails off as your lips begin a decent down my neck to my breast.

Your enthusiasm is more than a little inspiring, and a rush of desire and dominance washes over me, leaving me feeling powerful and in control. I grab you by your hair and pull you away from my breast.

"On your back… _now_."

The tone I use is one that lets you know that this is not open for discussion, and as you roll onto your back you wrap your arms around me and pull me with you.

I take your hand in mine, pointing it skyward, then I position myself over it, sliding down onto it slowly, showing you what I want to do.

"I want you to watch… I want you to watch what you do to me… I want you to see how you make me feel…"

I lock eyes with you as I begin to move up and down. Because you are still injured, and still, no doubt, in pain, I rely on the strength of my legs to support most of my weight, not wanting to hurt you but needing your touch..

Two pools that are usually a bright, caramel color brown have darkened, and are now almost black with want and desire.

I grind into you, and you let out a low moan…

You bring your knees up so that I can support myself a little better, and as I continue to move, your watch me. You lick your bottom lip before sucking it into your mouth and holding it there with your teeth. You finally release your bottom lip to speak, and when you do, the one word you utter is almost my complete and total undoing..

"_Alexandra_…" Your cry is desperate, and in your tone, I can hear your need, your ache.

I am vaguely aware of the fact that my land line phone ringing, but I ignore it, continuing to move against you, to move up and down on your fingers.

"Touch me…"

At my command, you reach out and cup one of my breasts with your free hand, massaging it, then slightly pinching my nipple.

I throw my head back and moan, then, wanting to maintain eye contact with you, I lock eyes with you once more. The need and hunger I see in them grips me…

I reach behind me, and as I ride your hand, I slip two fingers into you, surprised to find that you are wet, slick with desire and need. I find your clit with my thumb, applying a gentle pressure as I circle the bundle of nerves, coating it with your wetness.

I want us to climax together, want to feel your orgasm surge through you as mine rushes through me. Pumping into you rapidly, I arch my back as I approach release. You tighten around my fingers, your wetness allowing me to delve deeper and thrust into you faster, and as I continue to push against you, I look into your eyes.

You writhe beneath me, and with my free hand, I sink my nails into your thigh as I feel your thumb find then circle my clit.

"Oh, god…. Oh, god… yes… oh… ohhhh, fuck… yeah…"

I climax, and just seconds later, your body goes rigid and you ride out your orgasm as I thrust into you in long, languid strokes.

"Shit… holy… oh, god…" Your voice is an octave higher than it usually is as you call out.

I pull out of you then slowly slide off of you, my body falling forward into your waiting arms.

A pile of sweating, panting flesh, we lay there, me holding on to you, you pulling me to you.

"That was…" You start but don't finish.

I smile into your shoulder and somehow manage to roll off of you and onto my back.

"Fucking incredible…"

I stare up at the ceiling as we both start to laugh.

"Well, I don't know it that's what I would have come up with, but it's close enough… so yeah, we'll go with that… fucking incredible." You say, then let out long sigh. "I wouldn't mind starting more of my days like this…" You whisper, then plant a kiss on my shoulder

I snuggle into you.

"Neither would I."

I feel your body start to shake as you laugh.

"I should have known you'd turn me into your sex slave… All you have to do is give me _that _look, and I'm yours… I'm willing to do whatever you want me to do." You say, still laughing.

I roll onto my side so that I can look at you.

"What look?"

If there's a look that I give you that makes you wanting and willing, I want to know…

"There's this… _look_. It's your… it's a… well, trust me, when I see it, I know it… and not once will I be able to not give in to it…" You promise, slipping out of bed and into the shirt that I slept in. "And here… you take _this_ one. I might have slept in it once, but I'll never wear it again… not when I'm in my right mind, at least…" You say, tossing me my Red Sox shirt.

I laugh and pull the shirt on.

You take me by the hand and lead me down the hallway and into the living room. Noticing that the message light is blinking on my answering machine, I let go of your hand and walk over and press play.

The message is from Elliot.

"_Hey, Cabot, it's Stabler… I'm just calling because… well, I've been calling Liv… she's not answering at home… and she's not answering her cell either… I just kinda figured she was with you… ah, you know, I mean, it's just that you two are… well, could you tell her to call me and let me know who… Shit!… I meant to say how… kinda already know who… Anyway, just tell her to call me and let me know __**how**__ she's doing.. Okay. Guess that's it. Ah, see you around…"_

I laugh, and so do you.

_Smooth…_

"He's about as smooth as a crash landing, huh?" You say, coming up behind me and wrapping your arms around me.

You kiss my neck and I shudder, the feel of your lips on my skin causing a tingling sensation to spread throughout my entire body.

"He called while we were…"

I don't finish my sentence, and you laugh at me.

"It's not like he walked in and caught you having your wicked way with me…" You say, shrugging, and I just shake my head.

_I wouldn't have stopped even if he had walked in…_

My stomach growls, and you roll your eyes playfully.

"Guess that's my cue, huh? Banana pancakes it is, baby…" You say, laughing, then you place a chaste kiss on my lips.

I smile to myself, following you into the kitchen.

You begin to gather the ingredients and I sit down at the kitchen table and watch as you wander around in my kitchen, getting started on fixing us breakfast.

_Guess I worked up an appetite…_


	20. The Beginning of a New Beginning

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Love is so undeserved, and most of the time, giving it is a lot harder than taking it. Love is never easy, never without trials and obstacles to overcome. When it feels like letting go would be the best thing to do, where does one find the strength to keep holding on? When you're used to running, is it possible for true love to slow you down, to teach you how to just stand still? I'm going to delve into some things that will either tear Olivia and Alex apart or cultivate a love so strong that nothing can prevail against it… starting with this chapter… Leave reviews, please… thank you..

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to the one girl who possesses the ability to make me stand still… Forgive me- running and hiding are all I have ever known…

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUbabe

_Three weeks…_

Sitting behind my desk, I have been staring at this damn calendar for almost an hour. My eyes hurt, my head is aching… and I'm not sure what to say about the condition of my heart. It's still beating, but just barely..

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I broke down last week, and I called Elliot.

'_She told Cragen she needed some time… said she'd be back… just didn't say when… Don't expect me to tell you where she is, okay? I can't do that, Alex… as much as I want to tell you, I just can't…'_

His words echo in my head and resonate within my heart.

I don't know where you are, but you're not staying at your apartment… and your cell phone is no longer in service or you've had your number changed… I've called your apartment, and after the second day, I lost count of how many messages I have left for you.

_Damn you, Olivia Benson._

Message after message, I have tried to reason with you. I have told you that I love you, that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Most of the messages are emotion filled pleas for you to come back to me… some are full of anger… but each and every single one of them is full of pain.

_I love you, or I could walk away…_

I have never met anyone I could not walk away from. I have never let anyone in, never opened up… I never thought it would be possible for me to love, and so, I didn't…

_I can't walk away from you… I know you've given up on yourself, but I refuse to be added to the long list of people who have abandoned you…_

A long time ago, I gave up on love and decided to settle for sex, and what I discovered is that it is possible to be with someone without being with them. Physically, my body always responded… but I kept my heart at a distance…

I open my eyes and reach out, resting my fingertip on the play button of my answering machine. I already have the message memorized, and after pressing play, I recite your words from memory.

"It's me… I'm sorry that I've hurt you… I'm doing you a favor, saving you from me… Maybe one day, you'll thank me… I hope you find someone who deserves you, Alex… that someone can't be me… never could have been me. I love you, but I can't be selfish… I want you, but I have to let you go… It's better this way."

There's a distinct click and then the machine prompts me to save or erase.

I choose the first option, not knowing how many times today I will listen to you tell me, in your own way, that you don't think you're worth loving, that you don't think you will ever be able to give me what I need.

_I need you._

What a foreign concept, this feeling.

_I have never needed anyone… but I need you… _

A knock at my door causes me to look up just in time to see a familiar face step into my office and close the door behind him.

I offer the young man in front of me all I can muster of a smile.

"Hello, Charlie… how have you been?"

The sheepish cab driver just shrugs his shoulders a little.

"I've seen better days." He tells me, then stares down at his shoes. "I hope you don't mind me being here… I just… well, I remembered that Olivia said that you were an ADA and I kinda just ended up here… I ended up here… because I know where she is, where you can find her…"

I draw in another deep breath, letting it out slowly, watching as he shoves his hands into his pockets and avoids making eye contact with me.

I have this effect on people. I'm intimidating, and I know it, but there are times when I wish that I was a little more approachable. Like now, as I look at him, my heart breaks a little. I cannot imagine the inner struggle he put himself through before finally deciding to come to me.

"Please, have a seat."

He makes eye contact with me through dirty blonde locks before taking a seat across from me.

"When she finds out that I came to you, she's probably going to kick my ass… but it's a beating I'm willing to bear." He tells me, smiling slightly as he continues. "I've been calling her and trying to get up with her for days now, so when I saw her yesterday… I followed her. I don't think she saw me… I didn't know if she was undercover, you know? Didn't want to blow it if it turned out that she was on a case or something… You can only stay locked up in a motel for so long, you know? She's a creature of habit, and I caught her coming out of _Turn the Page _bookstore… So I followed her." He runs his fingers through his hair, trying to convince it to stay out of his eyes, before adding, "She looked like shit stacked five foot seven inches high..."

_Then she looks how I feel…_

"If she is going through what I'm going through, she hasn't been able to eat or sleep very much. That can take its toll on a woman…"

Night after night, I lay awake, tossing and turning, trying to escape from the sound, smell, and feel of you. I end up pacing, wrapping my hands around a warm cup of chamomile tea because I can't wrap my arms around you.

"Well, I love her and everything, but not eating and not sleeping? It doesn't agree with her… She wasn't even walking right…" He says, shaking his head, and I raise an eyebrow in the form of a question. "Oh, I mean, she's fine… I think… but that confident, slightly cocky swagger… you know the one, right? Well, it's gone... Hate to say it, but she's walking like she's lost that lovin' feelin'…" He says, and I can't help but smile at his choice of words.

I can see why Olivia loves him. He's unintentionally adorable.

"And you think I can help her?"

The look on his face right now is answer enough, but, much like you would, he feels the need to elaborate.

"Are you serious? I don't _think_ you can help… I _know_ you can. Pack your shit, tell your boss that you're finished for today… and come with me. I'll take you to her…" He says, standing up, his eyes locked with mine. "Unless you want the two of you to be miserable and alone for the rest of your lives… if that's the case, I'm heading to Moe's to grab some grub and you won't find her until she's ready to be found… Oh, and don't think I'm bluffing. I think a lot of you as the woman Olivia loves, but I would side with her any day… You're a lawyer, you can appreciate a good deal when you see one… this one's on the table until I walk out that door…"

He turns his back to me and takes a step.

"Let me make a phone call."

After explaining to Donnelly that something of a personal nature has come up, I hang up the phone and look over at Charlie to find that, on his face, is the absolute biggest shit-eating grin I have ever seen.

_He reminds me of you…_

"You got it bad…" He says, opening the door for me and motioning for me to lead the way.

I follow him outside and to a cab with its off duty sign lit up.

I glare at him, my suspicions swirling around the possibility that he is, indeed, on duty but off task.

"What?! Don't look at me like that… I figured since I'm gonna be a cop one day, and I'm doing one of New York's finest a favor… I could commandeer this piece of shit for official police purposes… and, if I get in trouble… you'll represent me, right? I cover my ass. Years of depending only on me has taught me how to get away with a few things… Besides, my boss is an asshole. I give free rides at his expense all the time." He says, laughing, and I smile again.

_He is you… the male, twenty years younger, taller version of you…_

I get into the passenger seat and buckle my seatbelt.

"I appreciate this more than you will ever know."

He flashes me a smile.

"She might not see it, or maybe she does, and that's what's got her running scared… but you're good for her. Just don't tell her how you found her, okay? I'm attached to all my teeth." He says, checking his rearview mirror before easing out into traffic.

We ride in silence to a hotel on the other side of Manhattan, and once we are out front of the building, he reaches over and rests his hand on my forearm.

"She loves you, she's just scared. When you go a lifetime without love, sometimes, you just don't know what to do with it once you have it… She's in room 1128." He says, taking his hand off of my arm so that he can reach into his jacket pocket. "You didn't get this from me… in fact, you don't know where you got it, okay?" He asks, handing me a hotel key card.

I smile, then lean over and place a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, Charlie… you have my address, so please, feel free to stop by… There's always food in my refrigerator and a place for you to lay your head, should you ever need either…"

He thanks me, and I get out of the car and close the door. I stand there, watching as he drives away, then I take a deep breath.

_How the hell did he get this?_

I look down and rub my thumb over the key card I have been handed.

_And why am I so afraid to use it?_

I get past the front desk without so much as a questioning glance from the woman behind it, and once I am in the elevator and headed to the eleventh floor, I close my eyes, comforted by the feeling of ascension.

Every floor I leave below me only gets me closer to you.

The doors slide open and I step into a hallway.

Having found room number 28, I slip the key card into the slot, rewarded with a green light and the sound of the locks clicking.

I reach out with a shaking hand, my fingertips coming in contact with the cold steel of the door knob, and before I even give myself a chance to back out, I open the door.

I step into the room and close the door behind me, looking around and taking in all the signs that you are here.

Your black duffle bag is on the floor next to the bed, and on the bedside table, you have placed your badge and gun. Your boots are tucked neatly under the bed, and on the end of the bed, your gray NYPD hooded sweat shirt is folded and waiting for you to slip it on. There's a recliner with a table next to it, and on that table, there is a stack of books.

I hear the sound of running water, hear you singing some unfamiliar tune.

I sit down on the end of your bed.

_And now, I wait…_


	21. Petitions & Prayers

Disclaimer: I still own nothing.

A/N: Olivia ran, because that's Olivia… Old habits are hard to break. She messes things up. It's what she has gotten used to, and it's what she settles for… Alex chased after her, because that's Alex… She believes in love, and she is willing to fight for what she believes in… This chapter allowed me to explore some of Olivia's insecurities. I know that she's strong, and I know that, in the eyes of many, she can do no wrong… but one of the things that I love most about Olivia Benson is that she is real, she is flawed… _Love is free of perfection; that's what draws us to it_… Let me know what you think, okay? Thanks…

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUbabe

Restless, I stand, then walk over to your duffle bag. I rummage through it, finding a black pair of boxers and a matching tank top to change into, wanting to get comfortable.

_I'm not going anywhere, Olivia Benson… I'm not giving up on you… _

I slip my feet out of my heels, then place them under the bed next to your boots, smiling at the obvious differences between us. Unkempt and unpolished, you are more than a little rough around the edges. I, however, am a master of precision, a more genteel version of you. I smooth out your roughness. You melt my cold exterior.

_We're good together…_

I unbutton my dress shirt, then lay it across the end of your bed along with my jacket. My skirt is the next to go, then my panty hose, followed my by bra and panties.

I pull your tank top over my head and slip into your boxers.

Finding hangers in the tiny, almost nonexistent closet in the corner, I hang my suit up and smile.

_How predictable…_

The only thing that means enough to you for you to hang it up is your leather jacket.

I'm about to sit back down when I hear the bathroom door open.

The look on your face right now is priceless.

"How… what are you…?" Your voice trails off, your eyes full of questions as I walk over to you.

I know what you're expecting, what you are bracing yourself for…

_And it's not going to happen…_

"I've missed you."

I walk up to you, place a quick kiss on your lips, reaching out and wrapping my arms around your towel clad body.

"How did you find me?" You whisper, your head on my shoulder, your nose nuzzling into my neck.

I reach up between us and run my fingertip along the hem of the towel, feel your breath hitch as I dip between your breasts with one perfectly manicured fingernail.

"It doesn't matter… all that matters is that I found you…"

The anger and pain I first felt when I walked into this room is slowly dissipating as the feel of your presence wraps around me.

"I'm so sorry… I never meant to hurt you…" You whisper, and I pull away so that I can look into brown eyes that are full of pain and tears.

_Please, don't cry…_

Tears make their way down your face, and I brush them away with my thumbs.

"I forgive you… and I still love you."

You break down, crying, shaking in my arms, and you bury your face into me. I hold you, stroking your back soothingly, whispering comforting truths into your ear.

"You don't have to run anymore… you don't have to save me from you… I'm a big girl, okay? I can handle myself… I can handle you. I love you, and I'm here to stay…"

Moments pass, and your sobs subside, but you remain in my arms, clinging to me.

"I ruin everything I touch." Your confession breaks my heart, and I take you by the hand and pull you over towards the bed.

I pull another pair of boxers and a t-shirt out of your duffle bag, then gently tug the towel away from your body. I help you into the boxers then pull the shirt over your head, letting the towel hit the floor.

"C'mon, baby… you need to sleep…"

We'll talk… just not right now.

Right now, I just want you in my arms. I just want to hold you…

I pull the covers back and crawl into bed, then reach out to you.

Having intertwined your fingers with mine, you settle into bed next to me, still holding my hand as we wrap our bodies around each other.

"You know that I love you, don't you, Alex?" Your question penetrates my heart, sharp as a double edged sword, and I take a deep breath then let it out.

_Then why did you run?_

"I know…"

And I do. I know that you love me… I just don't know why you can't trust our love enough to just stand still and bask in it.

"I'm sorry." Your apology is faint, but heartfelt, and I press my lips to your forehead.

_Who made you start running? Who was the first person that made you feel like you were unworthy of love?_

"You're forgiven."

And you are…

I slip my hand out of yours and reach over to brush your hair out of your face.

"Just like that?" You ask, your eyes full of a deep need for redemption.

We have a lot to work on, but I'm willing to put forth the effort if you are… I'll fight for you… I'll fight for love…

One of my favorite quotes comes to mind, and while my fingers continue to run through your hair, I'm hoping that my words will touch your heart.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry…"

You nod into me, then close your eyes.

For the next hour and a half, I hold you close to me, running my fingers through your hair and occasionally pressing my lips to yours in a brief kiss.

From time to time, you sigh in your sleep, and I smile to myself.

You're so peaceful when you sleep. Your features soften and the worry that is usually etched into them is nowhere to be found. In slumber, the weight of the world is no longer on your shoulders..

"How long have you been doing that?" You ask, your voice raspy and deep from sleep.

I laugh a little then snuggle into you so that I can kiss your neck.

"Doing what?"

I know damn well what you're talking about, but I'm going to pretend like I don't…

"Alexandra Cabot… are you trying to drive me insane?" You ask, inhaling sharply as my fingertips dance along your stomach.

I kiss your neck once… twice…

"I have no idea what you're talking about…"

You moan, which only encourages me.

Three weeks without touching you, kissing you, being in your arms…

"We should talk, Alex." You say, pulling away from me slightly

I sit up and turn around, so that I am now facing you, and fold my legs up under me.

"Who gets to go first?"

You shrug, then let out a sigh.

"I leave, Alex. It's what I do. I never stay in one place too long, never truly settle down… I'm a fuck-up. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be for you to let go of me." You say, avoiding my eyes.

_You don't get to do this…_

"You are not a fuck-up, Olivia, you just always set yourself up for failure. It's easier to enter into something you know won't last, so you tell yourself whatever you have to tell yourself so that when the time comes, you have an excuse… you have a way out. I could petition your heart, try to make you stay… but I never want to tie you down. I want you to be with me because you want to be with me… I want you to stay because you want to stay…"

There are tears in my eyes and a pain in my heart that I know won't be going away anytime soon.

_God, please… open her eyes…_

"Wasn't that a petition?" You ask, and this time you lock eyes with me.

_Damn you._

"No. It was not. I petition in court, Olivia… I refuse to bring my profession into my personal life. I'm not bargaining, or arguing a case. I am simply trying to tell you that I love you, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If I thought begging would work, I would be on my knees… but I know you… and I know that what appeals to you the most is the truth… and the truth is this… I have no idea how to live without you. I don't know how to not love you. Your past is your past, Olivia. It's over. I'm willing to help you get over your past because I want your present, and I want your future… I love you."

_God, please… help me…_

"I love you too, Alex… I'm just not used to… _this_. I'm not used to needing anyone.. I'm independent, and I had given up on love a long time before you came into my life… Teach me to stand still, show me how to love you…" Your eyes fill with tears, and I crawl over to you.

I cup your face in my hands and press my lips to yours gently, undemanding at first. After a few seconds of our lips brushing together, I capture your bottom lip with my teeth, nipping at it, then I drag my tongue along your bottom lip. At my request for entrance, you oblige, and your tongue dances with mine.

I kiss you until we are both breathless, and we pull away from each other long enough to steal a few deep breaths. Once my lungs have been satiated, my lips seek out yours once again.

Our kissing is passionate, hard, almost bruising, as your hands travel up under the tank top I stole from you. Your fingertips stroke and massage already taut nipples, and I moan into you as you cup both of my breasts in your hands.

I pull away from you roughly, panting, to pull the scrap of cotton up and over my head.

"We don't have to… not if you don't want… I mean, I know I've hurt you…" You say, your hands leaving my chest to rest on my hips.

_Sometimes, all you can do about pain... is love it away..._

"This isn't about what you did, Olivia… it's about what we both need… I need assurance that you'll never leave… just like you need the assurance that should you ever decide to run again… I will always chase after you…"

We strip away the remaining barriers that keep us from being skin to skin, and I lay on top of you, enjoying the feel of your warm, soft body beneath me. Your hands lovingly caress my back, my shoulders, then you pull me into you and kiss me until my lungs ache from lack of oxygen.

This isn't a fight for control.

This isn't make up sex after some unnecessary argument…

This is about reconnecting…

This is forgiveness, redemption, and mercy in the form of a kiss, a touch, a sigh…

"I love you."

My utterance is accompanied by a shudder that flows throughout my entire body as I feel your hand slide down between us.

"I love you too…" You whisper, your breath warm on my skin.

So passionately, so sweetly, we make love… our bodies perfect together, our ability to synchronize our pleasure a strong but satisfying surprise. It never ceases to amaze me… the effect your proximity, your kiss, your touch has on me…

Completely spent, I wrap myself around you and let out a contented sigh.

"I've missed you so much..." You whisper, nudging me with your nose, kissing your way down my neck.

I smile.

"Is it safe to say you won't be leaving me anytime soon?"

You pull your lips away from my neck so that you can lean back and look into my eyes.

You stare at me for a few seconds before slipping out of bed. I watch as you search through your duffle bag, then cock my head to the side as you look over your shoulder at me and smile nervously.

You crawl back in bed and snuggle up next to me. I wrap my arms around you and kiss your shoulder.

"What was that about?"

You lift your arm up between us, and, as the sunlight streaming in through a nearby window catches it, my eyes go wide at the sight of a silver band and a princess cut diamond.

I draw in a sharp breath then cover my mouth with my hand.

"I love you, Alexandra Cabot. I'm in love with you… I know that I messed up, and I know that I don't deserve you or to be loved by you… but I promise to spend the rest of my life devoted to learning how to love you, how to stand still for you. I don't have a lot to offer you, but my heart is yours… I'm willing to learn to stand still for you. Running is all I've ever known… but, for you, I will stand still…" You say, tears springing to your eyes as you slide out of bed and get down on one knee, and I sit up, still covering my hand with my mouth. "I'm not perfect, but I'm yours… if you'll have me… Alex, will you marry me?"

_Thank you, God..._

I nod, tears streaming down my face.

"Yes… Yes, I will… I'll marry you…"

You reach out for my left hand and slip the ring onto my ring finger, and all I can think is that I should be kissing… my _fiancé_…

Our lips meet, and I fall into your arms. You pull me up with you, and we stand there, naked, in each others arms.

"I love you."

We whisper simultaneously, and I smile as I stretch my hand out behind you so that I can get a good look at the ring.

_A princess cut… how fitting…_


	22. Domesticated

Disclaimer: I don't own them… _obviously_…

A/N1: I started to just leave this story where I left it… but I have a funny feeling my girl wouldn't go for that… and neither would some of you guys… so, here you go… another chapter of many more I presume… Enjoy, and, c'mon- if you're reading it… you should be reviewing it, right? Thanks in advance for doing the right thing…

A/N2: The eternal Alex Cabot fan has a confession to make… _I miss Casey Novak_… there. _Are you happy now, Jon?! _Don't get me wrong- I still worship the ground Cabot walked on… but… well, damn… I just miss Novak. _WHAT?! _Don't judge me! We all do things that we are not necessarily proud of but we just can't stop ourselves….. I'm not digging our new ADA, and neither is Benson… because the new ADA is just… ugh.. I don't know… maybe I hate her because she's not Cabot… or because she's not Novak… who knows?

The Trials of Love-iheartSVUbabe

_Three months…_

If anyone had told me three months ago that, not only would I be engaged to Olivia Benson, but I would be coming home to her, to _our_ apartment every night… I would have laughed.

I smile as I look around at all the boxes that are stacked neatly in every corner of the room I am standing in.

"You know… eventually, we are going to have to unpack all of that…"

I hand you a cup of coffee and join you on the couch.

"If time rolls around… sure…" You say, smiling at me before adding, "Thanks, babe…"

You take a sip of your coffee then put the cup on the coffee table in front of you so that you can continue to read the paper.

"Time rolls around, Olivia… but when it does, so do we… in the sheets..."

_Not that I mind…_

"Can I help it if I think that pleasing you is more important than that shit in the corner?" You ask, the most adorable expression on your face.

We both laugh and I lean against you, which, as you have learned by now, means that I want your undivided attention.

You toss the newspaper on the coffee table and bright brown eyes meet mine.

"I don't think I tell you that I love you nearly as often as I should…"

My confession draws a smile out of you and I watch as you lean in close to me.

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that… no matter how many times I hear it, I swear… it never gets old.." You whisper, your breath across my lips sending a shiver down my spine as I close my eyes.

Your lips touch mine in an all too brief kiss and when you pull back, there is a playfulness in your eyes that I have come to know and love.

The first time I saw this particular look of yours was when you decided to steal my scarf while we were walking through Central Park. Out of nowhere, this childish, very playful side of you appeared, and seconds later, I found myself chasing you around benches and dodging the occasional jogger so that I could reclaim the scrap of coveted cashmere.

You ended up letting me catch you, wrapping the scarf around my neck and pulling me into you for a long, passionate kiss.

"What do we have planned for today, baby?" You ask, your eyes full of a mischievousness that I find to be absolutely adorable.

I shrug.

"There's laundry to be done, and if we don't do some grocery shopping sometime soon, we're going to starve… or make friends with every delivery boy in this city…"

You turn your nose up at my suggestions for how we should spend the day then nuzzle into me.

"I don't want to spend our day off washing clothes and buying food… I want to do… _something_…" Your voice trails off as your lips find their way to my neck.

_Okay, I'll play along…_

"That pile of jeans and polos isn't going to wash itself, Olivia Benson…"

I'm trying to take the tone with you that I take in court, when I'm slicing into then grilling a perp on the stand, but for some reason, it comes across as more playful that I had intended.

You grunt and moan, shaking your head, and when you look up at me, you are pouting, biting down a little on your bottom lip.

"I'll spray the pile with Glade and they'll be good as new…" You say, flashing me a lopsided grin.

_Damn you and your irresistible cuteness…_

"I don't think that will work, sweetheart."

I kiss your forehead and you groan again.

"We could try it… you're _always _up for trying new things…" You say, your fingertips gliding along the hem of my shirt.

I feel myself start to blush as your fingertips dip behind my shirt to draw lazy circles on my stomach.

You do that so well, strip me of my sanity and defenses while simultaneously making me feel completely comfortable and at ease. No one but you has ever been able to do that, to make me feel comfortable in my own skin.

Around my mother and her kind, I am always so defensive and rigid, so lifeless and impersonal… At work, I am all business, no nonsense, and frigid to the point of having earned the nickname_ Ice Queen_… Other than Matt and Eric, I don't have any close friends, and even we are not as close as we used to be; after college, we drifted apart and started doing our own things…

You are the only person who has ever gotten to me, ever gotten me to open up… you make it easy for me to be myself, and when I'm with you, I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not… With you, I am Alex… just Alex… and I'm happy and in love for the first time in my life…

"What's on your mind, beautiful?" You ask, your tone filled with genuine concern.

I smile down at you.

"I'm happy with you… happier than I have ever been… We work well together, have you noticed? Have you noticed that I am the Yin to your Yang, the order to your chaos…"

You laugh and bury your head into me.

"The peanut butter to my jelly?"

We both laugh and when you look back up at me, there's this goofy smile on your face.

"What?"

You just shrug and continue to laugh.

"I was kind of in the middle of pouring my heart out to you just then, you know that, right?"

I fold my arms across my chest and go into a mock pout.

"Oh, c'mon… you were starting to sound like one of those really bad jewelry commercials… _Get something for that special someone, for the love of your life, for your pastrami on rye…_" You say, teasing me, which only causes my pout to go from bad to worse.

You have no idea how much I love this side of you. I don't get to see it all day long, when your take-no-shit cop persona is firmly in place… but when you get home, we slip into this comfortable routine, just the two of us, and it's the best feeling in the world.

"Stop picking on me!"

My tone is far from stern and as I give into a fit of laughter, you start to tickle me, your fingertips digging into me and causing me to squirm and flail around.

"Cabot squeals like a girl, Cabot squeals like a girl…" You taunt, laughing as I try unsuccessfully to slip out of your arms and evade the onslaught of tickle assaults I know are coming my way.

I try to wiggle out of your grasp but you just tickle me harder, and as I let out one of those girly squeals you are teasing me about, you laugh and the tickle war is over.

"I can think of other things that you do that make me squeal like a girl that are much more enjoyable than this…"

I waggle my eyebrows and you cock your head to the side.

"Oh, really now? Care to elaborate, or should I… use my imagination?" You ask, a cocky, confident smirk in place.

_I shouldn't do this… but then again, I shouldn't do a lot of the things that I do…_

"If elaboration is what you want… I've been told I have a way with words…"

I'm flirting, and I know it… I recognize that low, husky tone that I have taken… it's the one that drives her wild..

I suck my bottom lip into my mouth, capturing it in my teeth, and with my pointer finger, I stand and beckon for you to follow me.

Once we are in the bedroom, I reach out and pull you into me, my lips on yours immediately. You open your mouth to me, and my tongue glides along your bottom lip then into your warm wet mouth. Our tongues caress and swirl around one another, and you moan as my hand makes its way up your shirt to rest on your stomach.

I tug at the hem of your shirt, and, taking the hint, your mouth leaves mine just long enough for me to pull the shirt up and over your head. I toss the dark blue polo onto the pile of dirty laundry and smile as you pull me back to you for another passionate kiss. This time, your hands wander, making their way to my waist and to the small of my back..

_Dear God in heaven, this woman can kiss…_

We pull away at the same time, gasping for air, and as you look me over, I almost feel guilty about what I'm about to do… almost.

"I want you… to pick up that pile of clothes… and meet me at the washer…"

The look on your face right now is priceless, a mix of confusion and 'oh, no you didn't'… and I can't help but laugh.

"You evil little seductress… this was all a ploy… a ruse… you don't want my body, you want me to help you do laundry!!" You're trying but failing to sound upset with me as you start to pout.

Scooping up an armful of dirty clothes, you poke your bottom lip out.

"It's going to take you three or four trips… and that's at least four or five loads… should keep us busy for hours…"

You scoff at my comment and I laugh, popping you on the ass as you walk by me, still pouting.

"You tricked me… I would like my objections to this deceitful, manipulative side of you to go on record… and between loads, you owe me kisses… and you have to help me fold everything and hang everything up…" You say, your tone that of a whiney five year old who didn't get her way and wants everyone to know how miserable and unloved she feels.

_You're so cute when you're like this, but I would never admit that to anyone, not even you…_

"We'll cuddle and watch movies all day, okay? Once laundry is done, we'll get some shopping done right quick… then the rest of the day is ours… Deal?"

You turn your nose up at me, then flash me a small smile.

"As long as I'm spending the day with you, it doesn't matter what we're doing…" You say, and I smile back at you as I begin to load your clothes into the washer.

Okay, so this isn't how I wanted to spend my day off… but the laundry needs to be done, our apartment needs to be stocked with food and other necessities… and if we time things just right, we'll get done what needs to get done and still have time to… _unwind…_

_I love my life…_


	23. Great Balls of Fire

Disclaimer: I still don't own them…

A/N1: I figured that after taking such a long break, I should get two chapters up in one week for you guys, kind of an apology and a thanks for still being interested in this story all rolled into one… I went away for awhile, but I'm back… and I'm determined to walk these two women down the aisle… Oh, and this may seem random… but does anyone have a birthday coming up? Or a date in mind for Alex and Olivia's wedding? Send me a PM or leave me a review if you want your birthday or the date you choose to be the day these two get married and I'll see what I can do about working that into the story- if I can't work your date into the story, I'll at least let that be the date for when the wedding scene is posted… love to you all, and thanks in advance for the reviews! (Why the hell is this site underlining everything?! And why can't I fix it?!?! Ugh...)

A/N2: The lovely Stephanie March is reprising her role as Alexandra Cabot… which is something I have wanted to happen since, oh, I don't know… since she left maybe?!? All I can do is wait… and hope to God that they don't bring her back straight and married with kids when she needs to come back, come out, and make a woman outta Benson…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUbabe

After three hours of washing, drying, folding, hanging up, then putting away your clothes, you head for the living room, then collapse onto the couch letting out a moan.

"We should have just tossed that shit and gotten me new jeans and polos…" Your tone is playful, and I just smile.

_Can't help but love her…_

"That would have required you to go shopping with me…"

The horrified expression on your face causes me to laugh, and you pat the couch next to you, then reach out for me.

I sink into the couch next to you, tired and smelling of fabric softener, and as you begin to massage my shoulders, I close my eyes and let out a contented sigh.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go to that place on 97th, Whole Foods Market… you know the one I'm talking about?" You ask, finding a knot of tension and slowly but surely working it out.

I nod my response.

"Thinking of cooking something for me again?"

When you speak, I can tell that you're smiling, can hear it in your voice.

"I think you've earned a nice quiet dinner for two… and maybe after I've done the dishes… we could… if you want to, that is… maybe we could watch _Gone With the Wind_…" Your voice trails off and I leap up from the couch, throwing my hands up in the air high above my head, my celebratory little dance not going unnoticed by you.

_I love this woman!_

"That movie is four hours long, Olivia, four hours of southern accents and southern charm long… you really want to sit through that again?"

The first time we watched _Gone With the Wind _together,I remember watching your facial expressions, trying to decipher whether or not you were interested in the movie or if you were just sitting through it because I asked you to watch it with me. Until you came along, no one was willing to watch it with me; my mother found the gallantry to be too ostentatious, and my father refused to watch a movie that he deemed too old fashioned and out of touch with reality.

To my surprise, you not only made it through the entire movie, when it was over, you kissed me and told me that you'd watch it again with me sometime…

_My girl, the hopeless, classic romantic…_

"I don't see why you have such a hard time believing that I like _Gone With the Wind_… okay, so it's _southern_ and a little… _old fashioned_… but its portrayal of war, love, and pride is something I can really get behind. I see it this way… The war in the movie can be likened to the fact that I serve this city. War wasn't all those men were about, but it was a huge part of who they were because they wanted to protect what belonged to them. This city is mine, and to protect it, I go off to war everyday, with no regrets… And love? I can understand what it's like to love someone so much, with such passion and devotion. There's nothing like the love of a good woman… Oh, and that legendary southern pride that is laced throughout scene after scene? I wasn't born in the south, but I know what it's like to be proud of where you come from. The streets of New York? That's my Tara, and there's nothing or no one who will ever be able to take that from me… The movie's old, Alex, but I can certainly see why it's your favorite…" You end your little speech, and, even though, until now, I thought it was impossible…

_I think I just fell a little more in love with you…_

"We can head to Whole Foods Market, pick up a few things, then come back here. While you get dinner started, I'll put away the groceries… and get things set up for watching the movie…"

Right now, I probably sound like a five year old made hyper by mass consumption of sweets and soda, and I probably have the goofiest smile on my face that anyone has ever seen… Part of it is the fact that I get to watch _Gone With the Wind _with you again… but for the most part, I'm just happy… to be with you..

After changing clothes, we hail a cab and are on our way to Whole Foods Market.

Once we are inside, I watch as your eyes go wide, and I smile to myself, knowing that you are about to go from aisle to aisle, like a kid let loose in a candy store.

"I love this place." You say, almost reverently, taking in a deep breath, drawing in the aroma of fresh produce and fresh baked bread.

You grab a basket and I slip my arm into yours, still smiling, as you pull me towards the deli.

"What's on the menu for tonight, baby?"

You shrug and inhale deeply, closing your eyes for just a second, before opening them and smiling widely.

"I'm in the mood for something simple, some cold cuts on a hoagie… with some homemade salt and vinegar chips… how's that sound?" You ask, and I nod while fighting the urge to tell you that anything you make for me is amazing.

While you point out several different kinds of meats and cheeses, I snuggle into you, which causes the deli clerk to give us the once over more than once…

I'm not too happy about the look that's on her face right now, a look that I am all too familiar with, one that makes me cringe then sets me off…

"Will that be all?" The clerk asks, turning her nose up at you a little before glancing in my direction.

She hasn't made eye contact with you the whole time she has been waiting on you…

_Don't do it, Cabot… just let it be… don't cause a scene…_

"Actually, I was gonna get a few hoagies as well, maybe two rye and two garlic cheddar herb… that okay with you, sweetheart?" You ask, either completely oblivious to the looks we are getting or ignoring the clerk completely.

_What the hell is her problem?_

I watch as the clerk rolls her eyes at your usage of _sweetheart_, and that's it, that's all I can take…

I press my lips to your neck and you smile, moving into me a little more.

"That sounds amazing, baby…"

Once again, her nose is up in the air as she turns around and walks over to the fresh baked breads.

"What a bitch…" You whisper under your breath, drawing me closer to you still. "You'd think she's never seen two people in love before."

I can't help but smile at you.

"I thought you hadn't noticed…"

You shrug.

"I noticed, baby, I just didn't give a shit…" You say, then lean in to press your lips to mine. "What is it that Fin was saying the other day? _Fuck them haters_…"

We start laughing just as she returns with our hoagies.

"You can take this stuff up to the front. Someone up there will ring you up… I, ah… well, I'm due for a break…" She says, setting the hoagies on the counter, avoiding all chances of making any contact with you.

_That's it…_

"Excuse me, ma'am… I'm not sure whether or not you are aware of the fact that you can't, contrary to popular opinion, 'catch gay'… it's not a disease… Gay money spends just like straight money… in fact, in a place like this, over half of your clientele is probably gay, so what does that make that small pay check you cash? _Gay _money… When your livelihood depends on money spent by people of a _different persuasion_, maybe you should consider a little ass kissing… because I'm sure your manager would find your behavior at least write up worthy, don't you think? Go take your break, because once I get through with whoever runs this place, it will probably be your last…"

That said, I grab the bag of hoagies and you by the hand, and I storm off as if I'm on a mission.

I have no intention of talking to her boss… but she doesn't know that…

_Hello, I'm Alexandra Cabot, bullshit artist extraordinaire… _

The look on your face right now is a cross between _what-the-hell-just-happened? _and _I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that_.

"God, Alex…" You say, your eyes darkening, "That has to be one of the hottest things I have ever seen…" You confess, and I just smile.

_That bitch had it coming…_

"So lets pay for this stuff, then you can take me home… and show me just how hot you thought it was… that sound like a plan to you, Detective Benson?"

Your raised eyebrow is all the answer I need, and once we've made it through the check out line and hailed a cab, your lips don't leave mine all the way from the market to our apartment.

You thrust a twenty dollar bill into our cab driver's hand and grab the bags from Whole Foods Market.

"C'mon… I've got some appreciation to show you…" Your tone is playful, but your eyes are what give you away.

Once the variety of cold cuts and cheese have been put in the refrigerator, you grab me by the hand and drag me towards the bed room.

"Just how do you plan on showing that appreciation?"

You smile, reaching out and pulling my t-shirt over my head, and your mouth goes to my neck immediately. Your lips trail kisses down to my collarbone, and as your hand finds its way to the small of my back, you pull me into you and I feel your teeth nip at my skin.

My fingertips find the hem of your polo and your tank top, and once both of them have been removed, you stand before me in a sports bra and jeans, with, I assume, a pair of boy shorts hidden by a layer of denim that my fingertips are anxiously trying to get you out of; as soon as your jeans are around your ankles, you kick them out of the way, proving my boy shorts theory correct.

In only a black sports bra and a matching pair of boy shorts, you stand before me, and I watch as you look me over, your eyes full of longing and desire.

"I do believe you're still just a little too covered, my dear…" You say, your southern accent spot on.

_Dear God in heaven… Gone With the Wind comes to Manhattan…_

"Well, then, why don't you help remedy the situation…"

Taking my suggestion, you strip me of my remaining clothing then remove your bra and boy shorts.

I sink into bed and you follow me, your lips finding mine instantly in a deep, passionate kiss. Our tongues glide around one another in circular motions and I moan into you, responding to your kiss and the touch of your hand, which has found its way to my hip.

Your fingertips make their way up my side, then I feel your hand cup my breast, which causes my breath to hitch. I pull away from the kiss just long enough to look into your eyes.

"Make me yours…"

My request is a mere whisper, but you hear me loud and clear, and as your lips ravage mine, your hands explore my body hungrily, possessively…

I love it when you're like this, when you are possessive, but tender… dominant, but humble at the same time.

The way you move against me is a beautiful demonstration of passion and strength, and as your hand makes its way between my legs, I spread them a little, allowing you to slip two fingers into me slowly.

"I want you… to claim me…"

I gasp as you begin to thrust into me, and as I tighten around you, your fingers begin to do a beckoning motion inside of me.

I hold onto your shoulders, my fingertips digging into your flesh as you pump your fingers into me faster and harder.

Your possessiveness turns me on, as does your dominant streak, and as you continue to thrust into me, I begin to writhe uncontrollably beneath you.

The muscles in my legs begin to tighten, and as you press your lips to mine, I reach up and tangle my fingers in your hair, pulling you into me, deepening the kiss as you open your mouth to me.

I feel tension start to build up, and my hips buck as you continue to stroke me, your thumb finding its way to my clit, swirling around it in circular motions.

You pull away from the kiss so that you can look into my eyes.

"C'mon, baby… let go… cum for me…" Your voice is husky, filled with what can only be described as a mix of love, lust, and need, and your eyes shine with devotion and adoration.

A few hard, fast thrusts later, your name leaves my lips followed by a string of obscenities and a few attempts to get God's attention.

You settle in next to me, a satisfied smile dancing its way across your lips, and I close my eyes, taking in deep breaths, trying to get my heart rate to return to normal.

"Great balls of fire…"

The movie quote slips past my lips and you start to laugh.

"That good, huh?" You ask, your lips making their way up my arm to my shoulder.

I open my eyes and laugh along with you, covering my face and the blush that has suddenly appeared from out of nowhere.

"You, my love, are always so much more than just good…"

You press your lips to mine in a short but sweet kiss.

"I'm gonna take a shower… you wanna join me?" You ask, waggling your eyebrows at me.

You slip out of bed, and I watch your ass as you head over to the bathroom.

"Stop watching my ass and get yours in here, Cabot…" You say playfully, and I just grin.

Two more orgasms, half an hour, and a shower later, you are in the kitchen, slicing potatoes, and I am in the living room, getting things ready so that we can watch _Gone With the Wind. _

Once the chips have been baked, you start making our sandwiches, and I hop onto the kitchen counter to watch you work. A comfortable silence falls between us, and I watch you as you slice a tomato, then some lettuce.

For some reason, I am intrigued by the care with which you are assembling our sandwiches. You approach making a sandwich with the same passion you approach everything else, and even though it shouldn't, it surprises me a little that you put such effort into something as insignificant as making a sandwich.

Having settled in next to each other on the couch, I press the play button and watch as _Gone With the Wind_ starts to play.

I snuggle in closer to you, watching out of the corner of my eye as you take a huge bite of your sandwich, and I can't help but smile to myself.

_Devoted, beautiful, passionate, strong… and mine… _

I pop a chip into my mouth and let out a contended sigh.

I've been doing that a lot lately, sighing contentedly… I blame present company…

_And it's only a matter of time before she's mine, __**officially **__mine…_


	24. Flip TV

Disclaimer: They are not mine, but that has never stopped me before… and it's not going to now…

A/N: So, I randomly ended up on Taco Bell's website, and up in the right hand corner, there's a music mix option… Most of this chapter was written to _Night Mix _and _Orchestra Mix_- if you've got some spare time, or if you're just curious, go check it out… you'll be glad you did… Also, hit up youtube and search for Tegan and Sara singing the song I mention in this chapter… again, you'll be glad you did! As always, reviews would be greatly be appreciated… Thanks in advance and enjoy!

The Trials of Love-iheartSVUbabe

As my favorite movie comes to an end, I look down to find that you didn't quite last the entire four hours of southern charm and pride.

A smile forms on my lips as I take in the sight of you sound asleep, your head resting in my lap, one arm across your chest, the other dangling off the side of the couch. Your breathing is shallow and uneven, and on your face is the faintest of smiles.

I would wager that the small smile that I detect would go unnoticed by someone who doesn't know you as well as I do…

I run my fingers through your hair, reveling in its softness, how it frames your face perfectly. It's so much longer than it used to be, but I like it. You're still my tough, ragged-around-the-edges cop… but the slightly longer hair adds just the right amount of femininity to your look. Everything about you still screams _I can kick your ass_, but something about the hair adds a little…. something… to your appearance… I can't quite put my finger on exactly what that something is… but it's there…

I take in your casual state of dress and my smile widens. Clad in a black pocket t-shirt and a pair of old gray sweatpants, with a serene expression on your face, you seem to be completely at peace.

_You are so beautiful… and you are completely unaware of the effect your beauty has on the people around you… _

I watch in amusement as the hand that was resting on your chest slips into the waistband of your pants.

_Al Bundy, eat your heart out…_

Leaning down, I press my lips to your forehead and decide to find out what's on at three in the morning.

Playing flip TV has recently become a favorite pastime of mine. As mind numbing as my current activity happens to be, it provides a much needed distraction on nights when we cannot sleep, or on nights when I'm home alone because you've caught a case and have decided to fall asleep on a stack of files at your desk…

I wonder if you know that Elliott calls me now… when you're in the crib asleep, or passed out at your desk… He calls me to let me know that you are okay… and that you're going to need me whenever you finally do come home…

I never thought I'd admit this… I was convinced that all Elliot and I had in common was you… but I have, over the past few months, become rather fond of the infamously intimidating Detective Stabler.

_He's not so bad after all… _

Nothing on Bravo or the Discovery Channel…

_Oh, this looks interesting…_

Some obviously gay man is tossing fresh vegetables into a wok and is talking about adding a savory garlic herb sauce. Deciding that this is about as good as it's going to get this early in the morning, I settle down and listen as the chef talks about baking thinly sliced potatoes until they are the perfect shade of golden brown.

I let out a yawn.

"I'm Bobby Flay, and after this commercial, we'll check on those tuna fillets that I tossed on the grill…"

_Ugh, I'd rather watch paint dry… _

Turning the TV off, I stretch as much as possible, trying my best not to wake you, and I can't help but laugh a little as you grunt then mumble unintelligibly. You groan again and as your eyes flutter open, I smile down at you.

"Did I wake you?"

Groaning and sitting up, you shake your head.

"Dunno…what time is it?" You ask, rubbing your eyes then letting out another yawn.

I glance at the clock and stretch my arms high above my head.

"A little after three in the morning… you want to go to bed?"

I watch as your shoulders rise in a shrug and I smile to myself.

_You're so adorable.._

"Are you still sleepy?"

You shake your head.

This is you in the morning, nonverbal and a little on the ill side. Most of the time, you have to be awake a full hour before you will engage in conversation or form more than three to five word sentences, and only after you've had a cup of coffee are you willing to do that.

"You want to watch some TV?"

You shrug.

"A movie?"

You shrug once again.

"Come here, baby… let me hold you…"

I motion for you to lay back down in my lap and when you do, you look up at me with a smile on your face. I start running my fingers through your hair once more, and your smile widens as you close your eyes.

Sometimes, when I'm holding you, I get the distinct feeling that I'm all you need. More than once, you have told me how much you need me… but hearing it and feeling it are two entirely different things.

"I love you."

No matter how many times I tell you that I love you, I don't feel like I say it often enough.

"Love you the most…" You mumble, and I laugh.

This is a game we've been playing for a few months. I tell you that I love you, then you tell me that you love me the most…

"You want to listen to some music?"

Not once, in the whole time that I have known you, have I asked you that question and been told that you were not in the mood to listen to music.

Your passion never ceases to amaze me. Whether it's directed towards your job, a hobby, or the latest song you've become obsessed with, your zest is as consistent as it is refreshing.

You nod, and I reach over and grab the remote to the CD player that you insisted upon mounting to the wall. Never having been all that into electronics, I vaguely remember zoning out in the middle of Best Buy while you and the salesman talked about acoustics, five disc changers, wall mounting brackets, and the like…

"What are you in the mood for?"

Met with yet another shrug, I laugh and decide to skip to the third CD.

"Tegan and Sara it is…"

Three weeks ago, you burst into the apartment, an excited look on your face, waving a burned CD around and telling me that you had found a cover of Bruce Springsteen's _Dancing in the Dark_ that didn't, and I quote, 'completely suck balls'. I laughed, then asked you how many thirteen year old boys you'd been hanging out with… We both laughed, then you informed me that Elliot is never going to grow up…

So, for the past three weeks, you have had this song on repeat… and I have given you so much shit about it.

"What is it with you and this song?" I asked you, and I was immediately rewarded with a look of disbelief.

Never, in a million years, would I have thought that you would be a Bruce Springsteen fan.

"Are you kidding me? It's my favorite Bruce Springsteen song… covered by two cute lesbians… what's not to love?!" You told me, and I laughed, shaking my head then telling you that you are adorable.

The sound of you singing along brings me back to reality, and I smile. You haven't been awake long enough to carry on a conversation, yet you can sing along to this song at three in the morning? It doesn't make sense, but for some reason, it makes me fall a little more in love with you..

After listening to the song a few times, I turn the volume down and you open your eyes, raising your eyebrow, questioning me silently.

"I was thinking light blue and off white… or lavender and pearl white…"

_Now's as good a time as any to talk about our wedding…_

"One word, Cabot… _elope_…" You say, reading my mind, knowing instantly what I'm talking about.

A small smile forms on your lips as you peep at me, one eye open, one eye still closed.

You're not the big wedding type. You could care less about wedding colors and themes. You probably haven't even given the cake or the guest list much thought…

"We need to decide on invitations, flowers, decorations, the cake… and we haven't decided on a guest list yet… then there's the issue of catering, music, and photography.."

You let out a groan.

"Tell me what to wear, where to be, and when to be there and I'll show up…" You say jokingly, and I playfully punch you on the shoulder.

You laugh a little and so do I.

"You make it sound so romantic..."

Opening your eyes, you move around a little, trying to get comfortable, and once you find the right position, you settle down and maintain eye contact with me.

"I love you more than life itself. It doesn't matter where or when or what color everything is… I just want to marry you.. I don't care if there are a thousand people packed into a huge arena or if just our closest friends are standing around under a tent… I just want to marry you… I'm no good at planning big important things, but that doesn't matter… because I'm good at loving you…" You say, sitting up and turning so that you can face me.

I lean in and press my lips to yours, the sincerity in what you have just said sinking in, and when I pull back, the love and devotion I see in your eyes fills be with a deep appreciation and a strong sense of how blessed I truly am.

_Just when I think that it's impossible for me to fall more in love with you…_

"We can talk about this later… c'mon, I'm ready to go to bed.."

I let out a yawn and you just smile.

You nod, and as I turn the CD player off, you reach out for my hand and lace our fingers together.

Once we have crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over us, I snuggle into you and you wrap your arms around me.

"Good night, sweetheart. I love you." You whisper, kissing me on top of the head.

I close my eyes, about to give into sleep.

"I love you the most…"

The last thing I hear before slumber overtakes me is the faint sound of you laughing…


	25. Coming Up With a Plan

Disclaimer: If only…

A/N1: I keep having to disappear for short periods of time to ensure that I maintain my sanity. For some reason, my creativity levels have been lower than whale shit lately, which means not a lot of updates… I'll try to do better… I'm trying to work my way towards them saying their vows in the next chapter, so hang in there- hopefully, it will be worth the wait… Enjoy, and if you do, let me know…

A/N2: Dear Lord in Heaven, having Alexandra Cabot back was beyond words… And, for some reason, after Tuesday night's episode, I realized just how much I have missed her…

The Trials of Love  
-iheartSVUbabe

Not in a million years would I have ever believed that I would be doing what I am doing right now.

As I go from website to website, trying to decide which bed and breakfast I would like to stay in when we're on our honeymoon, all I can think about is the conversation we had last week in which you playfully suggested that we elope.

I want the big wedding.

I want there to be a theme, and I want to choose color schemes, flowers, and bridesmaids dresses… I want to fuss over seating charts and invitations, and I want to spend hours obsessing over my hair, my dress, my veil, and my shoes…

But what I want the most is to make you happy, and so, here I sit, hunched over my laptop, planning what I know will be the best two weeks of my life.

"Baby, have you seen my pajamas?" You call out to me from the bedroom, your tone one of frustration.

I smile to myself, knowing that the last time you saw your NYPD t-shirt and your Yankees sleep pants, they were on the floor next to the bed.

"Check the third drawer… They are clean, and you are welcome.."

I hear the drawer slide open and the sound of your warm laughter fills the air.

"Thanks… they only get washed when you wash them." You confess, and when you walk into the living room in just a pair of boy shorts, I take a moment to admire the view.

As you pull your pants on then slip into your t-shirt, I make eye contact with you and, closing my laptop, I motion for you to join me on the couch.

I open my arms to you and you lay down, stretching out on the couch so that your feet are at one end and your head is in my lap. You close your eyes and I begin to run my fingers through your hair.

"Rough day, huh?"

You sigh.

"Not rough, but definitely long… El and I did nothing but shuffle papers around… Did you get tired of all my texts?" You ask, a small smile forming on your lips.

I lean down and press my lips to your forehead.

"Of course not… you know how attached I am to my Blackberry… Oh, and to you..."

You open then roll your eyes at me playfully, and I laugh.

"What is it with you and that thing?" You ask, turning your nose up at the fact that I am a self proclaimed Crackberry addict.

I shrug.

"Don't you roll those big brown eyes at me… Crackberry addiction is very serious… Research has proven that nine out of ten Crackberry addicts experience product separation anxiety when they are more than fifteen feet away from their Blackberry… Besides, you're just jealous because you don't have one…"

The incredulous look that is on your face right now puts a smile on mine.

"Mess with me and I'll commandeer Mr. Cracktastic for official police business…" You say jokingly, and we both start laughing.

As our laughter dies down, you sit up and move closer to me, resting your hand on my thigh as you move in to press your lips to mine.

"I missed you today." You whisper, trailing kisses from my lips down my neck, your voice full of a loving tenderness that warms my heart.

I nuzzle into you, an insuppressible moan escaping from my throat, and as you work your way back up my neck to gently capture my earlobe in between your teeth, I close my eyes and let out a breath that I wasn't aware that I had been holding.

I feel you pulling away a little and I open my eyes.

"I kept checking my phone to see if you had sent me a text… I got on Elliott's nerves so bad by pacing back and forth that he talked Cragen into letting me go early. El said I had the look of a forlorn lover.." You tell me, pulling away from me a little more so that you can look into my eyes.

I can't help but smile at you, can't help but reach out and cup your face in my hands.

"I hate it when you have to work on Sundays… I finished that book I started last week, did the crossword, got the laundry done, looked over a few files… I had to find ways to keep myself busy to keep from ending up at the precinct… I made it to my car twice before deciding against paying you a visit."

I lean in and press my lips to yours, and, gliding my tongue along your bottom lip, I gently encourage you to open your mouth to me. Taking the hint, your mouth opens and as soon as my tongue darts in, you let out a low moan.

I close my eyes, feeling your hands on me, and give into the sensations caused by having this much contact with you. One hand has your fingers tangled in my blonde tresses, the other is slowly making its way beneath the tank top I stole from you.

I open my eyes to find you hovering above me, silently asking for my permission to let you love me. I nod slowly, wanting nothing more than to be the one thing that saves you time after time again, to be the one you turn to when you have needs that nothing and no one else will ever be able to meet.

Every night this week, you have come home to me, tired and restless, in need of love and support… and every night, you have gotten it…

Your caress is delicate, loving… yet, deep down, there is a hunger and a passion that lingers behind each and every touch. Having darkened significantly, your eyes are full of such wonder and delight, and suddenly, I am reminded of the first time we made love. The raw emotion that you are feeling pools in your eyes and falls in the form of tears..

"I never knew love could be this way… never knew that I would feel what I feel for you. Sometimes, I think I lose sight of just how much you love me… A case will hit a little too close to home, or life will become more hectic than usual… and I'll lose grip of just how many times your love has saved me… But in moments like these… in moments like these, I can feel it in your touch, see it in your eyes… And I fall all over again." Your words cause tears to spring to my eyes, and you reach down to wipe them away before scooping me up into your arms and carrying me into the bedroom.

You lay me down on the bed and crawl in next to me.

"Is it okay if I just hold you?" You ask rather tentatively.

I slide closer to you and into your open arms.

"I would love that."

You wrap your arms around me, letting out a contented sigh, then kiss me on top of the head. I nuzzle into you, breathing in the scent of your body wash and shampoo, a small smile forming on my lips.

_I love you so much, Olivia Benson…_

"I'm gonna fall asleep… I can feel it.. I'm sorry if I'm not much in the way of conversation tonight… For some reason, I feel exhausted." You explain almost sheepishly, as if you are embarrassed bythe admission that you are tired.

I slip my hand into yours and lace our fingers together.

"It's okay, sweetheart… just get some rest, okay? I'm actually kind of tired myself."

We both let out a yawn, then I lean in and place a kiss on your lips.

You close your eyes, and almost instantly, you drift off to sleep.

My smile widens as I lay in your arms, thinking about how blessed I am to be the woman you have chosen to share your life and yourself with; it is an honor I am not sure I will ever earn, but it is one that I will never take for granted.

All that's left to do now is to book our reservation at a bed and breakfast and somehow get all the packing done without you figuring out what I'm up to…

_I'm going to need a little help.._

I close my eyes and, with a smile still on my face, I follow you into slumber.


	26. Putting A Plan Into Action

Disclaimer: Oh, the things I would do if they were mine…

A/N: I am slowly but surely working my way towards these two saying their vows… I'm thinking that it's going to happen in the next chapter, so stay tuned! I'm excited about where this story could go… Anyway, enjoy, and as always- reviews are greatly appreciated…

The Trials of Love

-iheartSVUbabe

Word of our engagement spread like wildfire among our friends and colleagues, as did round after round of well wishes and congratulations.

I remember the day we decided to sit the squad down and break the news, and a smile forms on my lips at the memory of how the people who you consider to be your family reacted.

Fin, of course, popped hands with you and told you that it was about time you let someone reign your crazy ass in.

Munch had a smartass comment about not knowing how someone like you could possibly land someone as unattainable and delectable as myself. He then hugged you and offered his most heartfelt congratulations.

Elliot got a little emotional and couldn't speak at first. He then bypassed you and headed straight for me, wrapping me up in a big bear hug, telling me how happy he was for the two of us, and promising to be on Uncle Elliot duty whenever we got around to making little Cabot-Bensons.

It was Donald Cragen's reaction that surprised me the most. He simply nodded, offered his congratulations, and headed back into his office.

You were too busy talking to the guys to notice, but his less than enthusiastic response certainly did not go unnoticed by me.

_Maybe that's why there's this strong feeling of dread and anxiety swirling around in the pit of my stomach right now… _

I am not easily intimidated, and it takes a lot to make me nervous. I'm one of those people who always has everything under control, and I don't crack when under pressure.

I swallow the lump in my throat and raise my hand to knock on the door I have been standing outside of for the last fifteen minutes.

"Come in." He calls out, his voice tinged with just a hint of annoyance.

I square my shoulders and enter his office, closing the door behind me.

"Good morning, Alex… Is there something I can do for you?" He asks, all traces of annoyance in his tone having been replaced by a smooth undercurrent of sincerity and concern.

I offer him a small smile.

"Good morning, Don… and to answer your question, there is something you can do for me… and Olivia."

I have his full attention now, and as he leans forward and props himself up on his desk on one elbow, I take a seat across from him.

"What can I do for you guys?" He asks, and in his eyes, I can see a hint of hesitancy.

_Here goes nothing… _

"I need you to approve two weeks vacation for Olivia, effective tomorrow… I have made arrangements for a car to pick her up after work this afternoon, and from there she will be headed to Boston… where we will be saying our vows next Saturday."

_There, that wasn't so hard…_

"I'm sorry, Alex, but on such short notice, I'm afraid I can't grant such a request." He says, his tone dismissive as he picks up a file and opens it, his eyes avoiding mine.

My entire plan is hinged upon you getting two weeks off, and nothing… and no one… is going to interfere with my plan.

"She's not working any major cases right now."

_What is this really about?_

"You should have come to me sooner. It was inconsiderate of you to assume that, just because you've made plans, she would be able to drop everything and reschedule her life around what you want to do." He tells me, looking up at me, his expression unreadable.

_The claws are officially out._

"I can assure you that should she not get the two weeks off, she will hand in her gun and shield upon finding out that your inability to accept that she is gay and with me kept you from granting her two weeks vacation. Last time I checked, _she_ proposed to _me_, so this isn't me planning her life for her. This is something that we both want… And if you have a problem with that, I can make one phone call and you'll be a detective short… Your mistake isn't your refusal to approve the time off, your mistake is that you are convinced that this job means more to Olivia than love…"

He lets out a sigh.

"What is this _really_ about, Don?"

He closes the file and tosses it aside.

"This isn't about me not accepting that Olivia is gay… this is about not being able to accept that she is with you…" He says, and before I can say anything he holds his hand up to silence me, then he continues. "I seem to be the voice of reason in this situation… Everyone else is just happy that Olivia has someone to love… no one is even asking if you are the right one for her… With all due respect, you are as different as night and day… I care about both of you, but my main concern is my detective, and I am concerned that the two of you are just too different to make this work… I have watched Olivia go through more than one human being should have to go through, and God knows she shoulders more than her share of the heartache and burden that comes with working in this unit… I don't think I could stand to watch her fall apart if things don't work out between you two."

_Well, he's nothing if not opinionated…_

I take a deep breath to gather my thoughts. I have no intention of backing down, but I also do not intend to be offensive and nasty about this. He either gives you the time off or I'll tell you what I have planned and let you make the decision.

"I love her. It might be hard for you to believe, but I'm as good for her as she is for me… and next Saturday, I am marrying the woman I love- with or without you granting her two weeks vacation. I've waited my whole life to find the one who completes me… She doesn't want the big, fancy wedding… and, you know what, as long as I get to marry her, I don't care about the dress, the flowers, the cake, and the guest list… I love her, and that's all that matters.. In time, I hope that you will see that we are, in fact, incredibly good for one another."

With that said, I stand and get to the door before he speaks again.

"What time should I have her out front and in the car that will be waiting?" He asks, letting out a long sigh.

I turn to face him, a small smile playing across my lips.

"She came in before seven this morning… she needs to be out front at three..."

He nods and I turn to go.

_Damn you, Don…_

He was just trying to protect you, but from me, you don't need protection. I would never hurt you, never let anything come between us…

As I strut through the precinct, with what, no doubt, is a shit eating grin on my face, I pull out my Blackberry and fire off a text to you.

_I have something special planned. A limo will be waiting outside of the precinct when you get off today. Get in and enjoy the ride. I love you more than words can express. Love, A.C._

I smile and shove my phone back into my coat pocket.

I have a lot to do and not a lot of time in which to get it done.

The _C.O.P.S. _theme song informs me that I have a text from you and after reading it, I just smile.

_Sounds amazing, sweetheart. I miss you and can't wait to see you this afternoon. I'll call you if I get the chance. I love you too, now and forever. - BENSON._

Once I am back at our apartment, I look around and smile to myself.

How I managed to pack four bags and keep them hidden from you is beyond me. I thought for sure you would notice that two weeks worth of jeans, boxers and boy shorts, button up shirts, polos, and tank tops were missing…

All week long, I've been a little on edge every time you've followed me into the room we've turned into an office and entertainment room. I've been working out in the living room, laptop in my lap, files spread out on the coffee table, in attempts to keep you from finding out what I've been doing for the past two weeks.

At the insistence of my growling stomach, I head into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water, some strawberry yogurt, and a granola bar.

I head into our bedroom and grab my laptop, wanting once more to confirm our reservations at The Westin Boston Waterfront. After confirming that we will be checking in at eight, I check my email then shut down my computer.

_Two weeks of no files, no summations, no laptop, no research… I'm not going to want to come back to reality after spending two uninterrupted weeks with you…_

Glancing at my watch, I discover that it's almost time for Charlie to arrive. I've hired him to carry our bags and drive us to LaGuardia. My uncle agreed to allow us to use his personal limo, and I even went so far as to buy Charlie a suit and tie.

One afternoon, while he was giving me a ride home, I let out a long sigh and playfully informed him that I was starting to think that eloping didn't sound like such a bad idea.

He laughed, then said something that set this whole plan into action.

"Olivia's simple, you know? She doesn't care about caterers, dresses, flowers, and all that shit. She's not one of those this-plus-this-plus-that-equals-perfect-wedding kind of girls… All that matters to her in this whole big wedding equation is you…" He said, then held out his hand for his fare and a hefty tip.

I thanked him, then tossed and turned all night, his words playing over and over in my head as you lay next to me, sleeping peacefully.

I've become rather fond of Charlie, especially since he has taken it upon himself to help me set this plan of mine into motion. He has emailed me almost every day, sending me links to places of interest in Boston, suggesting places to eat, and finding out what locations are gay friendly and what places we should avoid. I have a whole list of places that he thinks that we'll enjoy and a list of activities he thinks that we should try out.

As if on cue, there's a knock at the door, and I jog over and throw the door open to greet him.

"What's up, Alex?" He says, pulling me into a quick hug before stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "I stopped by that flower shop and picked up the roses… they are beautiful. If she wasn't already head over heels in love with you, she would be… Oh, and that limo?! Holy shit… It has butt warmers and back massagers!"

I can't help but laugh as I motion for him to follow me.

"Make yourself at home, and grab a snack if you're hungry… After you eat, if you don't mind, go ahead and put our bags in the car… then you can put your suit on.. I'm going to go take a shower and get dressed.."

He just nods and heads into the kitchen.

I smile to myself.

_He reminds me of you…_

After my shower, I get dressed and spend a little more time than usual on my hair and makeup. I'm nervous, and being obsessively meticulous about everything is doing very little to help take my mind off of what's about to happen.

_You'll leave this city as my fiancé… _

I smile to myself.

_You're coming back as my wife… _


End file.
